“It’s much easier to tell if a guy loves you versus likes you because of the depths men go to secure a future with you.”

When a man likes a woman, he entertains her. When he loves a woman, he secures her.

You’ll see a common trend in all five things men do when falling for you. It’s like our brain chemistry changes, and we focus on reducing risk as much as possible and proving that we see you long-term.

One: He Makes This One Specific Sacrifice

I always tell my clients that you can tell if a guy is serious about you because he comes up with solutions instead of excuses. As soon as you hear men giving you reasons why they can’t see you, can’t invest, can’t commit, and so on, you have a problem.

The reason is we are risk-avoidant by nature. If I have a woman that I like who is trying to meet me halfway on things and willing to come up with solutions to make things work, why am I not on board? Isn’t that the best thing to do to keep things afloat and moving?

The only reason he wouldn’t is uncertainty. However, if you’re talking to a guy who loves you, he makes sacrifices.

Sacrifices are the ultimate sign that someone is falling for you. When I say sacrifices, I am specifically talking about things that are at the person’s expense but for the greater good.

For example:

• “I have a huge paying client who wants to meet and talk business that will definitely change my business around, but I promised my son that I will be at his soccer game, so I am going to his game.”
• “I really want to go to this event I’ve waited months for, but my girlfriend’s anxiety is through the roof, and is going through a rough time. I am going to support my girlfriend.”

These are extremely big “asks” of someone, and that’s why it’s a great sign. Unless there is tremendous upside, we are designed to avoid such risk from an evolutionary perspective. The only upside in these cases is that you see your two’s relationship as something bigger than anything you currently desire.

Two: He Obsesses Over You In This Particular Way

When we talk about obsession, we think of it as infatuation. In this sense, men obsess over futureproofing the relationship.

He does this in two ways:

• He gives you the “future test”
• He thinks of ways to secure further what you two have.

The future test is when a man has scenarios in his head and he makes you the main character in those scenarios and sees how it plays out. Some of these test include:

• How you act in certain situations.
• How would you act around the family, and how will they act around you.
• Sunday mornings.
• Growing old together.
• Being there for him when he needs you.
• How you handle being a mother to his children.
• Traveling together.

If a man is not thinking about these things, he won’t see you in the long term. However, if he is, he’s going to find ways to secure you long-term:

• Am I making my intentions clear that I want her?
• Am I communicating well and transparently?
• Are her needs met?
• Are we happy?
• What are the roadblocks, if any?

Many men will do this subconsciously but as a woman, you will know because you’re talking to a consistent man, a good communicator, transparent, doesn’t play games, and courts you. He doesn’t want to leave anything up to risk.

Three: He Truly Acts Like Himself

Every man’s dream: He can truly be himself.

You can tell a guy is starting to fall for you when the wall comes down:

• You see him cry.
• He’s opening up and more vulnerable.
• You become his best friend.
• He treats you differently than everyone else.
• You’re more of a team. “You and I” becomes “We.”

He’s not afraid of being goofy around you. He’s also not afraid of judgment. He feels safe around you. You see his flaws. He shares with you disagreeable opinions. And that’s ok.

So many of my clients talk about a man making her feel safe and protected. The way you do that for him is a lack of judgment. You don’t alter your view of masculinity based on what he does and says. You love him for who he is.

This may also be part of the “future test” we discussed in the previous point. No man will ever commit to a woman he can’t be his authentic self around. While I don’t think men play many games like women think (it’s just a lack of attraction if so), this is one of the few games men play.

Four: He Connects With You Sexually

If you follow any of my material, you know how I feel about men and their view on sex. From an evolutionary perspective, men love to spread their seeds like gardeners.

Men look at sex as something fun and playful. They love the thrill of the chase. Our hormones in our body are designed to release a lot of dopamine during sex, and then once it’s flushed out, we feel this deep dive in desire that tells us to back off. This is designed to ensure men spread their seed to as many women as possible to secure offspring.

When a man is in love with a woman, he aims to build a connection. He may be rough with you, but he also wants to make love. Your needs far exceed his and he becomes a complete giver.

I remember the one and only woman I loved. When we would have sex, my ONLY goal was making sure she climaxed multiple times before even worrying about how I was feeling. It didn’t matter to me how I felt. I felt good only if she felt good.

The cuddles after sex were just as good as the act itself.

Five: He Tries To Thread You Into His Life

With all this being said, it wouldn’t come to the right conclusion unless a man actually threaded you more into his life to secure you long-term.

For all you ladies out there:

This means if you’re talking to a guy who won’t commit to you but says he’s in love with you, he’s a f***ing liar lol.

I don’t care what excuses he gives you.

Besides committing (the most important thing), other things men do to secure you long-term are:

• Introduce you to his friends and family.
• Makes a decision switch in your mind.
• Make you a part of his life.
• Move in together.
• Heavily invest in you one of the following: time, energy, effort, money.
• Asks for your input on big decisions.
• Uses “we” instead of “I.”

You get the idea.

There is an essential four-step process people go through to secure someone long-term:

I know that sounds like common sense, but you’d be surprised on how many people don’t realize this, get stuck somewhere, or feel the guy loves her when they haven’t completed the process.

You must do all four steps and you must do them in this order.

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