“Men never realize how good they have it until they see another man benefiting from what he once had.”

If you’re wondering why men always come back after you finally move on, you’re not alone. It’s probably one of the most common questions I get from my clients.

My clients would try so hard to make something work with the guy only for him to take everything for granted. Then she leaves. She’s fed up with all the crap. She’s moving on, going out, trying to date again, and going about her day.

Suddenly, a month later, she gets a text from her ex saying how much he misses her or a simple, “Hey,” as if nothing ever happened.

Wtf?

In this article, I will break down exactly why men always come back when you finally move on.

Why He Left In The First Place Is Critical

When a man leaves a woman, it’s not a decision he made overnight. It’s something he thought about for a while (yes, even when he was treating you well and things were okay). 

Here is why I say that:

When a man decides to leave, there is a reason and usually that comes down to him weighing the pros and cons of that decision. We are risk-avoidant creatures. We don’t just make irrational decisions as our default way of thinking. 

That means from the moment you two started talking to the present, he’s analyzing all the ups and downs of the relationship and asking himself specific questions:

• Are the assets worth the cost?
• Can I get better?
• Do we want the same thing?
• Is this sustainable?
• Did it turn out like I wanted?

If these answers are not in his favor, he will create a narrative in his head that justifies leaving so it doesn’t feel like a decision he will regret. I call this the “evidence” someone gathers to justify their decision to leave and find a better situation. 

So why is this important?

Because if you never move on he will never regret his decision. How can he regret anything if there is no consequence for his poor decision-making, because you’re too weak to move on from a guy unsure about you?

More on this in a bit.

Men Are Wired To Conquer More Than Commit

It’s when a woman starts to move on that the grieving process for a man can start. Does that mean he will always grieve? No. But it must happen for him to feel anything.

Now the thing is, just because he’s doing his own thing and not committing doesn’t mean he can’t regret his decision. Remember how I said he created a narrative in his head about moving on? Well, one of those things that helps him decide is the downside of the decision.

When start taking you for granted, there is a reason. You’re showing him the “evidence” that even if he did pull away and make the wrong decision, he can bounce back and get is spot in line as if he never decided to begin with.

This means if you did any of the following, you’re telling his brain that it’s not that risky for him to leave:

• Give him more chances than he deserves.
• Let him come back after pulling this crap before.
• You’re the one making more effort than him.
• You’re giving him boyfriend benefits when he’s not your boyfriend.
• He’s not initiating or courting you.
• You’re “exclusive” but not official.

If all this is true, than the “conquer not commit” mindset will come into play. This is where a man will win you over just enough to have you attached but never commit. If a woman falls for this and sticks around, she loses.

However, if you pull away, don’t let him back in, start getting back on the apps, and so on, he’s going to realize, “Oh shit, maybe I did lose her.”

Reflecting Causes Regretting

For a man to regret, he has to reflect. He has to replace the old evidence where he’s convinced he has you with the new evidence you’re providing him which shows that’s not the case.

The thing with regret is that it has two components:

• He must feel it’s self-inflicted and have self-blame.
• He must feel that based on his decision, he’s in a worse situation than he was with you.

Only then can we get a man to reflect and realize he’s an idiot. This is because it goes against his narrative.

“Oh I am going to try to have my cake and eat it too. I like her but I am unsure about a relationship so I will entertain her and look elsewhere. Worse case scenario, I’ll just come back.”

He’s banking on the fact that you’re hopeful he will return. Come to find out, you’re not on a damn leash and you’re not waiting for any man. Once you throw that wrench into his gameplan, he starts to freak.

You’re the one who ended it. Even if he didn’t like you, he still wanted to be able to come and go with access to your assets. But now that you cut him off and his competition can get them, he’s pissed.

Personally, I would never take this type of man back. I feel once they do this there is no changing them. They’ll use you as an insurance policy until the next thing comes along. 

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