“In his brain, availability is not love — it’s predictability. And predictability kills chase.”

Have you ever wondered why he starts to change once you show interest, let a guy in, or match his energy?

He was chasing you, saying he wanted to see you, and blowing up your phone. Now he’s chilling, leaning back, and you must initiate to see him. 

What gives? Why is this happening?

There is a reason for this, and we will discuss it in this article.

First, if you haven’t got my free ebook on how to raise your value in the dating market, click here, and I will send it to you.

Let’s dive in.

The Dopamine-Chase Loop

Have you ever played your favorite song on repeat only for it to lose its spark and reason you loved it so much in the first place? If so, being too available has the same effect regarding dating.

Mother Nature has a fantastic way to get us to chase our ultimate goal of survival and reproduction. Why do you think hormones like dopamine and cortisol are a thing? One drives us towards things, and the other drives us away from danger/threats.

For a man to feel high amounts of dopamine when courting and chasing a woman, he has to feel two things:

• The reward is worth it (meaning getting you and investing is worth the cost).
• He has to feel progression towards that goal. He has to feel the uncertainty because he doesn’t have you, but still feels he’s making progress.

While humans love reaching the goal, whether buying a home, making a certain income yearly, reaching a certain bodyweight, and so on, we always default back to normal. It doesn’t last forever. Why is that?

Because dopamine creates a moment, a feeling, and an experience, it’s not supposed to flood your body 24/7.

That’s why a dopamine-chase loop has to happen for us to be happy:

What does this mean when a man is chasing you? Well, you should always reward a guy. At the end of the day we’re not trying to play games. It’s supposed to look something like:

• He desires you.
• He courts you.
• You got out with him.
• You let time go by.
• Repeat

The goal with all this is not to be predictable. That’s all. I don’t want you playing games. Just don’t be predictable because the uncertainty triggers the chase. The best way to put it is playful cat and mouse.

I guess a more playful way to look at it is:

• He desires you.
• He courts you.
• You PLAYFULLY do some cat and mouse.
• You go out with him.
• You let time go by.
• Repeat.

Playful cat and mouse is the following:

• Always replying to his text but you don’t have to get back to him right away.
• He should be initiating 70% while you should be 30%.
• If you’re truly busy on a day, he suggests seeing you, so raincheck him and plan another day.

Again, the goal is playful unpredictability. If I can reach out and see you whenever I want, trust me, I naturally take you for granted. The chase isn’t there anymore. You’re my favorite song I played on repeat 100 times. 

If you want to ensure you’re so fun and awesome that he needs you in his life, check out this article.

Men Are Designed To Chase

Men are designed to bond after a chase. Not be constantly rewarded.

If a man wants a woman short-term or doesn’t see much value in investing in her, he won’t want to chase her. He would rather she just go with the flow and give him what he wants.

**If you want to know three reasons men commit to you long-term despite Mother Nature making us non-monogamous, click here.**

You’re not that type of woman though. We want men to invest and chase. We want to create some thrill.

Men are designed to chase and conquer, whether it’s resources, food, or other women. It’s deeply rooted in our DNA. A woman who makes it too easy is easily forgotten. She gets breadcrumbed in the long run.

A man should chase you, win you over, take you out on a date, he should be rewarded, and the cycle should repeat. That way, both parties are happy and their primal drivers are being met:

• Your needs are being met because you’re being courted, valued, chased, and invested in. This is a great sign in evolutionary psychology because women want to reduce risk in choosing a bad mate.
• His needs are being met because he’s constantly being validated in winning you over, fulfilling his desire to chase, and be rewarded for it in such a way that’s fair to him yet unpredictable.

The only thing I worry is that women take what I am saying the wrong way or do the wrong thing and think that a man must constantly court them and she’s going to play hard to get. 

No.

A man doesn’t want to work for something repeatedly, especially something he has already won. He shouldn’t get it as easily as ordering some food on DoorDash or Uber Eats. It shouldn’t be as easy as clicking a video on YouTube or Netflix. 

I guess “easy” is the wrong word because I don’t want you to make it hard. Just unpredictable. The goal is not to be taken for granted. That doesn’t mean hold out on sex, say no to a date, or leave him on “read.” Just don’t be a doormat and drop everything.

I know that while writing this article, I will get some pushback. For all the people who say this is pseudo-science, a fear tactic, and there is no need for these games, let me ask you something:

Why do you take things of even more value for granted? You take food, water, shelter, life, time, friends, family, the air you breathe, and the country you live in for granted.

It’s human nature. Our brain stores it into “autopilot mode,” where it doesn’t have to think about what to do or alter a plan to get to the destination because it has been done so many times. Just like you can daydream while driving and still get to your destination. 

I am not saying you have to do this forever. Once you’re in a relationship it should change. Until then, you need to be courted and it should be consistently.

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