If you ask yourself, “Should I give him a second chance,” you’re opening yourself up to a lot of risk unless you do what I say in this article.

It’s hard moving on from someone you strongly connected with. It’s not your fault he’s an idiot lol.

You let go and were doing well. Suddenly, he has come back around, talking crazy about how much he misses you and wants you. You try to ignore it but he’s consistent.

What do you do? Should you take him back?

In this article, I will go over:

• Important things to consider if you do take him back.
• Traps to avoid.
• The only reason I would take someone back.

If you haven’t yet, please get my FREE nine-guide series on skyrocketing your dating life and finding a man in as little as 90 days here.

What Happened Before He Returned.

Let’s not jump the gun here. I know you’re thrown off and confused that he came back around and started to blow up your phone. But what is more important is the evidence we already have.

Looking back at the relationship and why he pulled away is essential.

If you have had any of the following problems in the relationship, I would be hesitant to take him back:

• He’s not your boyfriend, and there is a lot of “on and off” with him.
• He has pulled this crap before.
• He says he doesn’t want a relationship.
• It feels very one-sided.
• He’s inconsistent, or it feels like pulling teeth to get him to do anything.
• You feel you’re being taken advantage of.

While it could still work, it’s less likely. From my 11 years of experience, I have never seen a guy pull these shenanigans and then wake up and suddenly want a relationship.

It would even be worse if you’re hopeful for a relationship because he will men don’t commit to hopeful women like I talk about here.

This leads me to my second point.

The Time Gap

 I think most men return between 1 and 3 months after not talking. I think that’s the best time for someone to go through the four stages of reflection and regret, which are:

• He is pulling away for whatever reason.
• Having to live with that reason and the decision he made.
• He can now reflect on that decision (what it’s like with and without you.
• His conclusion of that initial decision (do I regret it or not).

That takes around 1–3 (maybe four months). That does not mean you should wait for that time. If anything, you’d do better letting go. However, the first step to asking yourself, “Should I give him a second chance?” starts with the time period.

Here is why:

• If it’s under a month and he returns, it tells me two things: He thinks you’re disposable and can get you back when he wants. And that he’s impulsive. He will do it again because he probably didn’t think much about it in the first place.
• If it’s past 3 months (more like going onto six), I feel the guy doesn’t have feelings anymore and that if he comes back, it’s more for the assets you offer (time, sex, validation, attention, or being an insurance policy).

Men don’t wake up months and months later and realize you’re the one. They have to reflect on the decision they made. If it takes too little time, it will happen again. Too long, and those feelings probably faded, but he feels he can get something out of you.

Check out this article here: 5 Unbelievable Reasons Men Always Come Back Months Later That Will Tilt You.

Do Not Cave Early

Here is the problem with caving early:

There could be a chance that he comes back and feels he can negotiate getting things back to where they were instead of where they need to be. That’s not good for you.

It’s a two-step process (on his end) just like any job interview:

• He fills out an application and maybe checks in multiple times.
• Then he gets the interview.

You’re not different. Just because he reaches out with “I miss you” doesn’t get him in the door.

I’d personally only “cave” under the following conditions:

• I genuinely believe they regret their decision and made a mistake.
• This was the first time.
• The relationship was great; he has mental blocks.
• I felt they were convinced I was done.
• They texted a bunch and didn’t give up.

Letting him back in isn’t to “talk about things” or hear his side of the story. You should have done that before applying no contact.

If you cave the first or second time, he will try to negotiate to get things back to where they were. That doesn’t benefit you because you are taking the burden of risk for a guy who screwed up.

Only Take Him Back If..

Now we know the reasons why we shouldn’t take him back and a reasonable period on when to expect him back.

I tell my clients that if you want to be sure he’s not going to pull this crap again and that he’s serious about returing for good, you have to figure out 5 questions:

• “What has changed? No one changes this fast.”
• “Why should I give you another chance?”
• “How do I know you won’t do it again?”
• “What work have you done?”
• “If he comes back, is he willing to commit?”

If he cannot answer these correctly or at least to your satisfaction, he will do it again because he didn’t do enough reflection.

Trust me, a guy will do a lot of reflection if he feels he messed up. I’ve been there. He would have solid answers for all these questions.

I am not saying you must bombard him with these because it is a little intense. However, you do need to know.

Giving someone a second chance isn’t about how much you miss them — it’s about how much they’ve truly changed.

A man who walked away has to earn his way back, not waltz in with sweet words and empty promises. If he can’t show growth, accountability, and genuine commitment, he’s not a second chance — he’s a repeat mistake.

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