Author Archives → Elliot Scott

3 Things To Do First To Get A Guy To Miss You And Regret Everything

“The mind replays what the heart can no longer reach.”

Do you want to get revenge on a guy who hurt you? Or maybe you want a guy to miss you and regret leaving. 

I understand. I have been in situations where things were going well and then suddenly, they rip the rug out from under me and pull away. 

All I wanted was for them to miss me and regret losing me. I tried all the tactics available on the internet. 

In this article, I will give you the first three things you must do to set yourself up for success in making a guy miss you and regret leaving.

We will go over:

  • His mindset during all this.
  • The importance of no contact.
  • Acting as if you moved on and the psychology behind why all this works.

If you haven’t yet, please get my FREE guide on being high-value. There is no point in doing all this but he sees you as the same value when he left. The pattern will repeat itself. 

Change His Mindset For Him To Miss You

I will keep this brief because it can get very complex. 

When a guy leaves you, there is one reason why:

  • To avoid risk

I know that sounds weird, but when the organism’s goal is to survive and reproduce, a man leaves because he feels it would be a waste to continue investing resources in something he doesn’t see as long-term.

From an evolutionary psychology perspective, that’s a huge no-no.

In Layman’s terms, he’s pulling away because of one of the following:

  • He doesn’t see you long-term.
  • There is someone else.
  • He is unsure about you.
  • The attraction isn’t what it was.

The way our brain works and processes information is through logic and stories. 

This means he has enough “evidence” to create a narrative on why one of the reasons above is accurate and his reaction to it is to pull away.

He’s doing this because our brain is designed to seek reward and avoid risk/pain. 

He was given enough variables to create this narrative and believes what he’s doing is his best option.

To him, he sees all these variables and would rather break away and go on the journey of the “unknown” to try to get back on track with what he lost.

It takes a lot to change a man’s mind but it’s very possible. The first thing believe it or not is to actually let him go. That doesn’t mean I want you to take him back. If it was up to me, he’s out for good. But I know that’s easier said than done.

He must go through a four-step journey before realizing he’s an idiot who misses you and comes running back with regret. I explain that here:

Time is the number one factor that gives him “evidence” that he made a mistake and that you’re done with him. He must see:

  • You’re done with him.
  • You’re not playing games.
  • You moved on yourself.

If you don’t show this, how can he regret anything? How can he realize he made a mistake? 

He can’t reflect on missing or losing you because you’re literally waiting for him to return lol.

That’s what women don’t understand. It feels counterintuitive, but it’s the right move. You must let him go to get him back.

If you want a deeper, in-depth explanation on his mindset, I suggest you watch this video:

Men Can’t Miss You Unless You Go No-Contact

Going deeper into mindsets, when we talk about risk, it’s a double-edge sword:

While he wants to avoid risk, he always wants to feel he’s not making a mistake. You take away his risk of losing you based on what you do and how you react.

Some men just pull away because they see you as the plague. But for a huge majority of you, you probably do have a guy who likes you but not enough to commit. I talk about that concept here.

Just like you give him variables that tell him this isn’t going to work long-term, you still may be talking to a guy who likes you but is unsure. 

If that’s true, he wants to be able to decide to leave, look for better, but not lose you in the process. 

Some men simply pull away because why not? He realizes you’re not going anywhere due to the things you do:

  • You invest more than him.
  • You put up with his bullshit.
  • You care more.
  • You let him go before.
  • You two always fight.
  • You have more to lose than him.
  • You lowered your standards to keep him around.

If he’s unsure about you, it’s logical to look for better. Especially if he sees you as an insurance policy for when it doesn’t work out, he can return.

There must be a consequence to his actions. He is not allowed to feel he can come back after he leaves and trust me, a LOT of men do feel this way hence why they do it. 

If you want to get a guy to miss you and regret leaving, there has to be a cause and effect, a consequence for making the wrong move. 

If more men thought, “Once I am out, there is no way I am getting back in. She’s done with me. That’s it,” they’d think twice before leaving. 

So many women do No-Contact wrong. I have a VERY in-depth guide on the topic here. I also want you to watch this video on how to correctly do No-Contact so you don’t make the mistakes that keep him from coming back:

Act As If You Moved On So He Regrets It

 So the question is, how do we act as if we move on so he regrets his decision? 

If you want him to miss you, you have to do things that CONSISTENTLY show that we’re done and the door is closed.

Again, I know it may feel counterintuitive and you may be fearful that he won’t return but any other way is going to make him think he has you wrapped around his finger.

The only thing I am asking from you is consistency.

The male mind works in that there are two layers to “missing you” and playing this whole back-and-forth game. 

Let me explain.

If a guy pulls away because he’s comfortable doing so or feels he can come back in, you will have to do a lot more than you think to change that narrative.

You don’t just do some things here and there and make him “work for it” to get back in., He knows that already. That’s the first layer we have to break.

He knows you’re playing the game too, but also knows you like him more than he likes you. Otherwise, you wouldn’t be reading this article and putting up with playing the game in the first place.

He’s thinking, “I know she’s thinking XYZ and wanting to play this game. But at the end of the day, I know she will let me in if I come back and say/do the right things.”

And he’s right. You will. 

Your job is to throw in variables to make him think that’s not the case. That means you consistently have to show him:

  • You don’t care.
  • He’s not coming back in.
  • You’re not looking at his social media.
  • You’re not answering or even looking at his text. 
  • You’re outcome independent. You care less.

If you do this long and convincing enough, you have a guy who knows you’re playing games but still feels he has the upper hand to now thinking:

“Oh damn, I think she’s serious,” and starts freaking out.

Why is it essential for him to think this? Well:

  • He will take his time with other women and return if he doesn’t.
  • He will take advantage of you again if he can.
  • He doesn’t value you unless you make him.
  • He will start the reflect and regret process once he realizes he made a mistake. 

If you do these three things, you’re on the correct path to making a guy miss you and regret leaving in the first place.

5 Must-Have Things That Make Men Commit To You And Want To Be Your Boyfriend.

“Want to learn how to get a boyfriend? Understand psychology. Men commit to what Mother Nature has instilled in us to chase.”

If you want to guarantee that a man commits to you and becomes your boyfriend long-term, you must do the things I break down in this article.

As a dating coach, I have helped thousands of women get into relationships because I teach this one thing:

Evolutionary psychology. In this article, you’re going to learn:

  • What men want and why.
  • The best ways to present these things.
  • What prevents men from jumping into relationships.

If you want to become a high-value woman during all this and 10x your chances of him committing to you long-term, I highly suggest you get my free high-value guide here.

Men Commit To Attractiveness And Sexual Compatibility

This one is a given, but I want to explain why you cannot bypass this.

 No matter how amazing your personality is or how many things you have on this list, if you’re talking to a man who doesn’t have sexual compatibility with you or find you highly attractive, you will never get a long-term commitment. 

This is not up for debate. This is not one of those things where I am wrong and men want different things. This has repeatedly been proven in many studies and research from top evolutionary psychologists such as David Buss.

Attractiveness is always top 2 trait (if not number one) across cultures, races, and background that high-value men desire. If he doesn’t find you attractive you might as well cut your losses and move along.

a paraphrased quote from David Buss’s book “The Evolution Of Desire:”

“Men have evolved preferences for youthful features because youth correlates with fertility. These preferences are universal and found across cultures.”

Men (and women) are highly attracted to a “freshness” look:

  • Bright eyes, clear of redness.
  • Lack of visible bags and tiredness in and under the eyes (which I am guilty of having, omg).
  • Overall look of good health: nice clear skin, healthy weight in healthy BMI ranges.
  • White teeth.
  • Full lips.
  • Full set of hair with volume.
  • Facial symmetry and harmony.

Freshness is related to youth. Therefore, the fresher you look, the naturally younger you look, which is what men want.

Why?

It relates to reproduction, which is the goal Mother Nature instilled in us. 

In the book Dataclysm, you can see a chart that compares what men of each age finds attractive versus what each age of women finds attractive:

The top box is a woman’s preference for a man’s attractiveness associated with age. As you can see, for the most part, it follows the diagonal line, which means women find men who are closely related to their age attractive.

The bottom graph shows a man’s attractiveness preference and her correlation to age. Youthful-looking women will always win in a man’s eyes. 

High Assets, Low Liabilities: The Perfect Bundle

To keep this simple, men commit to women with high assets and low liabilities:

Assets: Traits and characteristics men love that get him closer to his goal of survival and reproduction.

These things include:

  • Attractiveness
  • Loyalty
  • Personality
  • Humor
  • Nurturing
  • Support
  • Trust
  • Libido
  • Connection
  • Communication
  • Same goals and values
  • And Many other things.

Liabilities are the opposite. 

Liabilities: Traits and characteristics men try to avoid as Mother Nature deems these as a threat or risk to survival and production.

These things include:

  • Unattractiveness
  • Disloyalty 
  • No chemistry or connection
  • High-Maitanance
  • Dramatic
  • Lack of trust
  • Takes a lot of resources
  • Low libido
  • Unnurturing
  • Different goals and values
  • And much more

Here is the trick: All men and women have assets and liabilities. It’s the bundle of them that matters.

This is what I call the “cost” of the assets. Are the liabilities that come with the assets worth the cost?

If so, you have a guy who likes you, is willing to invest, and see where it goes. If not, you’re talking to a guy who is going to try to have his cake and eat it too:

  • Try to get the assets without paying the cost (not committing).
  • Men who play games to avoid the assets.
  • Men see you short-term.

Men Commit To Women Who Are The Best Option

To take this a step further, humans want to commit to what they believe is the best option for them. There are several ways to do this:

  • Build a deep and emotional connection that he can’t imagine having with someone else. You can learn how to do that here.
  • Be so awesome that he needs you in his life. Read about that here.
  • Understand what a “perfect” or “best” option looks like.

Those are in parentheses because it’s unrealistic, as no one is perfect. 

However, I still decided to put it in this article because the concept is important and it let’s us know what we can improve on to be better partners to the ones we love and more valuable on the dating market.

Here is the equation:

This may turn you off or seem repulsive but trust me, you have to start looking at yourself as a brand and market it as such.

My biggest pet-peeve in dating is when people get turned off by this perspective just because we’re talking about humans and emotions. If we weren’t, it would literally be the same thing.

The more you study evolutionary psychology and people’s reactions, you will realize there is no difference. 

Humans are designed to chase assets and avoid liabilities. Humans are designed to chase things that have value. “He needs to like me for me,” is not a thing. Men know better than you what they like. You’re irrelevant to what men desire. You either have it or you don’t.

What person wouldn’t want a product they feel they need and has this equation:

The better you are at marketing this as a man and woman, the better you will do in dating. I have done this for ten years and all the science points to it.

You may feel it’s different because emotions are involved and we are “pass that” in the modern day but that’s not true. Not one piece of literature proves that. 

You’re still a slave to what Mother Nature wants. You might as well go with it instead of going against the grain. 

Men Commit To You If You Make Life Easier

We gravitate towards people who make our lives easier. We want people who make us happy, laugh, and make the day-to-day struggle/grind a tad bit easier. 

This is just logic: No one wants to commit to someone who makes their life worse.

Certain traits men are looking for with this are:

  • Live a peaceful life. Humans hate drama. I am not saying you cause the drama (he could) but just try to avoid it as much as possible. 
  • Radiate positive energy. We love energy and it is indeed contagious. 
  • Add small comforts. Nothing is better than talking in the morning over a coffee, coming home and smelling freshly cooked brownies, or taking care of something he was stressing over.
  • Support his purpose. Men have missions and if he has a strong purpose, it’s the center of his day/life. Support it instead of what many people do and make him choose.
  • Believe in him — especially when he doubts himself. Men want that woman in his corner. The one who believes him when he’s down. The one who sticks by his side no matter what. Something like this woman after he loss his fight. 
  • You two should have space. The best couples are the ones who have a life together and a life apart. You value what you have more as a couple while feeling free to do what you love.

    Progression Towards “Completion” 

    Because our natural instinct is to survive and reproduce, we have this obsession with progression and completion. 

    Personally, I get uneasy or even depressed when I don’t feel progress in life or have a goal I am working towards. I feel useless. I am willing to bet you feel off a little too at times.

    If a man feels like he can progress with you, you will stick out from the competition. 

    That means:

    • He feels like you two are after the same goal.
    • He’d like you by his side along the ride.
    • You make life more fun and enjoyable.
    • You’re that missing puzzle piece men are looking for.
    • He feels he can completely become his authentic self with you by his side

    “Completion” is subjective but for many of us, it’s where we see ourselves in five, ten, or forty years. I explained this in a lot of my material but it’s the concept “Blueprint versus reality.”

    To keep it simple, your “blueprint” is where you see yourself in X years and the path getting there. your “reality” is where you are and current gameplan. The further those two things are from each other, the more stress we naturally feel.

    This means if we find someone who is a variable that gets us to where we want to be — whether that’s finding the right woman for an amazing relationship, someone who will be by my side as a fun travel partner, or the mother of my future children, a man is more likely to take this woman off the market.

    This article here can help you become that type of woman. This guide can go into detail on exactly what men commit to. 

    5 Signs A Guy Is Falling In Love With You But Slowly

    “Love isn’t always loud. Sometimes, it’s in the silence, the small gestures, and the way he shows up — over and over again.”

    You have this guy you like. Things are going well but a little slow for your liking. You’re wondering if he’s on the same page as you. He says he is but you’re unsure because if someone was in love with you, the pace would pick up.

    If that’s how you feel, you’re not alone. The good news is that men can show they’re falling in love with you in many ways. 

    In this article, I will show the top signs he’s falling in love with you. We will go over:

    • Ways men show they’re opening up and falling in love.
    • Unconventional ways men express themselves that you’re missing.
    • How men and women differ in expressing themselves.

    Before we start, if you’re interested in getting my FREE high-value guide to make him value and respect you (which leads to love), click the link here, and I will send it to you.

    There Is a “Story Progression” That Leads To Love

    Here is one thing I know for sure:

    Men who fall in love with you will eventually push the narrative along. Men who are unsure about you buy time and keep it that way.

    If you’re talking to a guy where the number of dates is going up but the depth of the relationship isn’t, you’re talking to a guy who is unsure about you.

    However, if you feel that you two are growing together, learning more about each other, you think it’s deeper than just sex, and an actual relationship is forming, you may have a man who is falling in love with you.

    How can you tell the difference? Well:

    • Are you hanging out often and feeling that the relationship isn’t progressing? Or do you feel you’re slowly moving towards something meaningful and building a connection along the way?
    • Is the guy still making an effort to initiate and court you? Or does he cut corners and just ask you to hang out?
    • Is he consistent with talking, texting, and seeing you? Or does that all feel casual?

    There has to be story progression. This means that if you were to read a book, it doesn’t matter if you read a page a day or the whole book in one sitting. You see characters develop, the setting changes, the plot thickens, and there’s a beginning, middle, and end:

    If your relationship doesn’t have this arc, you’re talking to a guy who likes you but is unsure about you. If you feel things are progressing along the way, you may have a man falling in love, but:

    • Is inexperienced.
    • Afraid of getting hurt.
    • Insecure.
    • Doesn’t see the benefits of a relationship.
    • And many other things.

    I have two detailed articles that will help you figure out if he likes you or is falling in love with you:

    • This article discusses how to tell if a guy likes you but not enough for a relationship.
    • This article goes into depth on the signs a guy is in love with you and the things they do. 

    Reading both of these will help you decipher what category you’re in.

    We’re designed to avoid risk. If he’s not taking you off the market, there are only three reasons: 1) He doesn’t fear losing you. 2) He doesn’t like you enough. 3) Feels he doesnt’ have to decide because you’re not going anywhere.

    That may be hard to hear when you’re trying to figure out if a guy is falling in love with you or not but psychologically, it makes sense. Do NOT let your emotions fool you.

    You Have Experiences That Make People Fall In Love

    Three things make people stand out from the competition in dating:

    • The bundle they offer (Assets and liabilities) compared to others.
    • The way they make us feel.
    • The experiences we have with them.

    People often sleep on the importance of experiences. The meaning of life is to experience life itself. 

    I am not religious. I don’t take any deep philosophical approach to the meaning of life. I see it for what it is. If it’s an experience, we gravitate towards people who share that experience.

    Everyone values something, fears something, and has lost something.

    If you can share experiences with someone, the ups and downs, you will build a connection with them that others can’t relate to. 

    This means if you’re talking to a guy and there is substance in your relationship, where you laugh a ton, but also listen and stand by their side, there is some merit to that. 

    There is this power couple I follow named Alex and Leila Hormozi. Alex was once asked when he knew Leila was the one. 

    He recounted a pivotal experience where he faced significant financial and personal setbacks. He told Leila that she deserved someone better and gave her an out. She expressed her willingness to endure hardships with him, saying, “I would sleep with you under a bridge if we had to.”

    While I am not suggesting you do this or wait for a guy to change his mind, this personal experience of his hardship and her willingness made him realize she was the one.

    In terms of experiences that are more realistic and not putting you at risk of being played, I suggest:

    • Trying something you two have never done before.
    • Sharing something you two have never shared.
    • Having faith and trust in the other person over a particular thing.
    • Having goals together and helping each other reach them.
    • Doing something extreme that gets the heart and adrenaline racing.
    • Trying something you both always wanted to do.

    When you do these things with someone, the brain starts to anchor them to these feelings and experiences, which makes them fall in love with you. 

    Men Who Fall In Love Make Sacrifices

    The most important thing a man can do that proves he’s falling in love with you is make a noble sacrifice. 

    There are several reasons why this is the best way to prove his love for you:

    • Men are supposed to provide, protect, and satisfy.
    • He’s sacrificing for the “bigger picture,” not just what he wants.
    • It goes against our nature.

    Early dating (when a man is courting you) is transactional. There is no evolutionary benefit in his putting your needs before his unless he gets something out of it or it’s a win/win.

    You may have guys who ditch their friends for you, go out to eat where you like to go, and spend money on you. But I mean real sacrifices. Things he would only do if he loved you and saw you long-term.

    • Moving.
    • Putting his dreams on hold.
    • Helping you financially through rough patches.
    • Giving up something he valued and waited for because you need his time and effort.
    • Supporting you through an obstacle you’re going through. 
    • Putting his health in jeopardy to ensure you’re safe and comfortable.

    You’re A Part Of His “Inner” Life

    This doesn’t mean being apart of his social group, friends, or family. It’s even deeper than that.

    It means he’s letting you into his world:

    • His viewpoint.
    • His mind.
    • His philosophy.
    • What makes him tick.
    • What excites him. What scares him.
    • Him being vulnerable.

    You see a complete human form of him where he peels back the layers and shows you the authentic self. You become an extension of him and vice versa. 

    This is where men start to feel a true connection. They can relate to you and open up without feeling judged.

    A perfect example of this and an even better novel is John Green’s “
    A Fault In Our Stars.”     You can get the book here (highly recommend if you’re looking for a good read).

    This book is the perfect example of how two people do everything I talk about in this entire article: The connection, the experience, acceptance, desire, need, and completely letting each other see the other completely vulnerable.

    He Needs You In His Life

    As sexist as this sounds, men understand what I am getting at here:

    A man saying he needs you is probably the most powerful statement. More than “I love you.”

    If a man says he needs you in his life, this means several things:

    • He feels complete with you.
    • You’re the “missing puzzle piece” (every man is looking for theirs).
    • You’re one of the best options he can get.
    • You make him want to be better.
    • You compliment his lifestyle.
    • His life is better with you in it than without.

    In the context of this article, where we’re discussing signs that a guy is falling in love with you slowly, this sounds like a cry for help.

    Not saying that’s what he’s doing, but if a guy is telling you he needs you in his life, he means it. 

    I need his words and actions to line up for this to count. I don’t want a man just to say it. I want him to express it too:

    • Consistency
    • Vulnerability
    • Progression
    • Sacrifice
    • Courtship
    • Effort

    Anyone can say anything. It’s the effort that gets measured. 

    5 Reasons Why Men Don’t Commit To You And How To Instantly Fix It

    “Commitment doesn’t scare him — losing his freedom to someone who doesn’t add value does.”

    If you want to learn how to get a boyfriend but are having a hard time getting men to commit, you’re not alone. 

    The number of women today talking to men who are emotionally unavailable or don’t want a relationship is staggering.

    I have been a dating coach for ten years and have helped thousands of women get into relationships, and this is easily the top problem I run into.

    That’s why in this article I want to explain:

    • Why men don’t commit to you.
    • The problems you may be making.
    • The psychological blocks they may have (and filtering these type of men).
    • How to instantly fix it.

    If you fix the things I point out in the article, men will commit to you and you will get a boyfriend in record time.

    Let’s dive in.

    Men Don’t Commit Because You Don’t Date Enough

    Finding a boyfriend can be hard, and if you’re having difficulty getting men to commit, I can understand how it takes a toll on your self-esteem.

    You go on amazing dates that you thought ended well only to realize this guy wants to be friends or fails to set up the next date. We’ve all been there.

    However, I cannot stress enough that dating is a numbers game. 

    Many people don’t realize that statistically, we all fail at dating 99% of the time. That means if you’re single today (just like me), you failed 100% and that’s okay. Because guess what? You only need to win once.

    Finding a boyfriend only takes ONE time for a guy to say, “Hell yes.” All the no’s and failed attempts prior do not matter. If you get a man to commit once, you win. 

    The problem I find women having is that when a man doesn’t commit, they give up. Or they take a long break. It goes something like this:

    • “I am going to try dating again. Let me try online.”
    • Online dating sucks. There are lots of weirdos.
    • But you find one guy who sticks out and he seems promising.
    • You two start talking and going on dates.
    • Things seem to be going well.
    • You really like him.
    • He starts to act differently and pull away.
    • You’re confused.
    • He gives you bullshit excuses.
    • You’re tired of dating and take a two-month break to work on yourself.
    • Repeat.

    As a dating coach, my job is to get you to date. The women who take dating personally and don’t treat it as a game are the ones who always fail.

    Below is a poll I took of my followers on Instagram. I wanted to see how many dates they’ve been on in the last 6 months:

    94% of women have been on less than 10 dates in the last 6 months! I promise you that you’ll never find a boyfriend in that time. For all I know all these dates could have been with one guy and it didn’t work out. You have no chance in the dating world if you date like this.

    Finding a boyfriend is hard, but it’s because you take dating too seriously. Have fun with it. Go out, meet people, learn to socialize, work on self-development, and aim to read and understand people better. 

    My rule of thumb:

    You need to go on at least one date a week. Everyone I have ever met you is working on themselves and going on one date a week gets in a relationship within 3–6 months. This means:

    • Not taking long breaks because it didn’t work out.
    • Not taking yourself off the market because you like the guy or have an exclusive talk.
    • Dating more than one guy (stop talking to one guy at a time. Nowhere in Mother Nature or the history of our species was that a thing until commitment or society pushed it on you).
    • No matter how it turns out, keep dating! 

    You’re Bad At Filtering Emotionally Unavailable Men

    When a man doesn’t commit to you, you take it personally. I have women come to me and say:

    • “ Did I mean anything to him?”
    • “Was any of it real or genuine?”
    • “How could he drop me or leave everything so easily?”
    • “Did I do something wrong?”
    • “What if I didn’t do X? Would we still be together?”

    Most of your relationships are not working out because you’re talking to an emotionally unavailable man. That’s why he didn’t commit to you.

    I have a video here touching on the difficulties of making a relationship work with an emotionally unavailable man:

    If you’re talking to a guy where things were going well and suddenly he blindsided you by pulling away and changing his behavior, that’s the case. You can check out an article I wrote about that here.

    That’s why I tell women that becoming a master at filtering emotionally unavailable men is a skill. A very valuable skill.

    I am willing to bet that if I were your coach, I could identify for a majority of you that you were talking to an emotionally unavailable guy, and that’s why he didn’t commit. 

    Here are several signs:

    • He buys time with phrases like, “Let’s see what happens/where it goes,” or slows it down.
    • He lovebombs you.
    • He chases hard only to pull away once he has you.
    • Things are going really well until the halfway point, he starts acting differently.
    • He acts differently out of nowhere for no reason (got in his head).

    If you want an amazing in-depth 5-step process on filtering men, check out this article. If you want a SUPER in-depth read on filtering men, check out this guide.

    To Get A Boyfriend, He Needs To See Long-Term Assets

    I tell my clients that men need all five things in a woman to be her boyfriend and commit:

    • He needs to find you attractive/feel he’s getting the better deal.
    • You need to be one of the best options he can get.
    • You must have more assets than liabilities, and the assets must be worth the cost.
    • You make him want to be a better person.
    • His life is better with you in it than without.

    Those are non-negotiable. 

    Women try to argue with me on this, saying it’s childish, all men don’t think like this, and so on. 

    Yes, they do. This is evolutionary psychology. This isn’t my opinion on what makes men commit.

    To make this easier, these “assets” are broken down into three categories:

    • Evolutionary Desires: Traits Mother Nature put in us so we drive towards survival and reproduction. These things include attractiveness, resources, health, youth, fertility, energy, nurture, etc. 
    • Personal Desires: These are traits that we personally like when it comes to finding a mate. Think of these as preferences to evolutionary desires. Things like race, height, age, hair and eye color, and personality.
    • Tribe: This is something bigger than us. We all want to be part of something bigger that we sense a belonging with. We want people in our tribe. These people usually share the same interest, morals, values, purpose, drive, motivation, and so on.

    To keep it simple:

    Mother Nature instilled evolutionary desires to drive us to survive and reproduce. She doesn’t care how we do it as long as we do it. That’s why we have personal desires. If certain traits attract and interest you to pursue, go ahead. But long-term commitment (marriage) come from those two things and being part of the same tribe.

    Evolutionary Desires + Personal Desires + Tribe = Commitment.

    You Make It Too Easy To Access The Assets

    With all this being said, men will not commit to you or be your boyfriend if you give away the assets at minimal cost.

    What is the point of committing if you’re giving your guy boyfriend benefits and he’s not your boyfriend?

    The answer I often get from women is, “He gets meee!”

    What the f*** does that even mean? He already has you lol. 

    “No, he doesn’t. I will leave then.”

    No, you won’t. You would have already. Even if you did, he believes you wouldn’t leave because something you did up to this point has shown him that you’re not going anywhere and that he has you.

    Those things are the following:

    • You’re sticking around past the 8-week mark (you need to have the talk or be his girlfriend by 8 weeks).
    • You gave him too many chances he doesn’t deserve.
    • You lower your standards to keep him around.
    • You’re too hopeful, and he can see it.
    • You aren’t being courted.

    Trust me, humans are very resourceful. If you’re talking to a guy who hasn’t fallen in love with you, he will cut corners and save on investing if you let him. It will get to the point where it starts to feel casual because that benefits him.

    If a guy is not committing to you or is unsure about being your boyfriend, the next best thing for him is to get the assets at a reduced cost. That means a lower investment. 

    Here are the boyfriend benefits I believe you’re giving away:

    • Emotional Support
       • Listening to his problems like a therapist. Can you listen to his problems? Sure, but the goal you two have is to build attraction. 
       • Being his emotional rock — even when he’s not yours. You may disagree with me on this but if he’s doing this instead of committing, you’re talking to an emotionally unavailable guy. 
    • Domestic Care
       • Cooking him meals regularly.
       • Helping with his laundry or cleaning.
       • If you’re doing anything like this and you’re not his girlfriend, you already lost. You are supposed to be courted!
    • Constant Communication
       • Texting him all day, every day. Daily is fine. Being at his beckon call isn’t.
       • Always responding quickly or initiating conversations.
       • Checking in and being emotionally available 24/7.
    • Sexual Access
       • Having sex regularly without a commitment. You can have sex just make sure it’s aligned with your values and that he’s also courting you.
       • Engaging in deep physical intimacy without emotional security.
    • Loyalty Without a Relationship
       • Acting exclusive even though you’re not.
       • Turning down other men or dating options for him.
       • Staying emotionally attached to only him.
    • Time and Availability
       • Rearranging your schedule to fit his.
       • Dropping plans the moment he texts.
       • Saying yes to last-minute hangouts or late-night calls.
    • Gifts, Favors, and Financial Help
       • Buying him things or covering costs.
       • Doing favors you’d only do for someone you’re in a committed relationship with.
       • Spoiling him with thoughtful surprises — while he stays casual.

    Again, so many women will do half these things and then are shocked when men don’t commit or want to be their boyfriend. What benefit do they get from committing to you that they’re not getting now?

    What will happen is you’ll be one of these girls he likes, but not enough to commit to, like I talk about here.

    You Don’t Stick Out Or Know What Men Want

    You may think men are your competition but they’re not. Men want to commit and be a boyfriend…to the right woman. 

    That means your competition is other women. The problem women have is they don’t know how to stand out.

    Many clients come to me and say, “We are so attracted to each other. The sexual chemistry is off the charts, and all chemistry is off the charts. We get along so well.”

    What you don’t understand, though, is that those are prerequisites. Every woman a man is interested in or sees long-term, he’s sexually attracted to and has chemistry with. He’s looking for that X-factor.

    I talk about things that make non-monogamous men commit in this article. But in a nutshell, it comes down to the concept of blueprint versus reality.

    This concept states that men are looking for that missing puzzle piece. They know the lifestyle, goals, purpose they want and the type of woman they want to spend it with. The closer that woman is to fitting that mold, the more likely he is to commit. The further, the more anxiety he has.

    To make it easier:

    Blueprint: The life he wants and the steps it takes to get there.

    Reality: The steps he is taking (or not) and how close he actually is.

    Why do you think we stress when things don’t go well or turn out the way we want them to be? That’s because our blueprint is one version of it and our reality is the other. The closer they are, the better we feel. The further, we start freaking out.

    If you want to find a boyfriend as fast as possible and make men commit, you must be part of each other’s blueprint.

    How do you do that? We already talked about it:

    • You MASTER the evolutionary desires (attractiveness, fitness, health, being energetic, etc).
    • You find people with the personal desires you obtain (height, weight, eye, skin, hair color, personality, humor, etc).
    • You are part of each other’s tribe, and you share the same purpose, values, morals, goals, motivations, etc.

    It is tough for an emotionally available man who wants a relationship to say “no” to a woman who he’s dating and has all these things. 

    I feel the problem that many women have is:

    • They aren’t niched down for a particular person and instead spread themselves too thin.
    • They think that sexual attraction and chemistry is enough and get emotionally attached.

    That’s it ladies, let me know below if you have any questions or concerns. 

    5 Cold-Blooded Reasons Men Ignore You Despite Things Going Well

    “He won’t tell you this, but emotional closeness can trigger a man’s deepest fears — especially if he’s not ready to face them.”

    Nothing is worse than getting blindsided by a man pulling away when things were going well. Your mind is racing and you’re trying to find answers to a situation that doesn’t make sense.

    Luckily, this is a common problem I see as a dating coach and in this article, I will try to lay out everything you need to know.

    We will discuss:

    • Reasons why men ignore you that are going to shock you.
    • The weird and backwards psychology for ignoring you.
    • What you can do about it to keep your value, dignity, and make him regret it.

    If you want to prevent this and learn how to come off high-value in dating, check out my free High-Value guide here.

    The Backwards Reasoning Why He’s Ignoring You

    You would think that if things were going well between two people who liked each other, you’d continue until you’re in a relationship right?

    Well, what if I told you that was why he pulled away?

    Many men like the idea of a relationship and the assets you offer, but when it becomes relatity, he realizes he can’t give you a relationship and that he’s not “ready.”

    As weird as this is, it’s VERY common in my line of work. I have countless women come to me where the guy does the following:

    •  Courts her.
    • Says he wants a relationship.
    • Is consistent.
    • Future plans.
    • Invest in her.
    • Then pulls away and starts to fade in the distance.

    You’re essentially talking to an emotionally unavailable man. Liking you and wanting a relationship are two completely different things. Although he said he wants a relationship, it’s different saying it early on. 

    It’s like if I say, “ I want my dream car.” Then someone shows up and let’s me drive it and you can see by my expression and mannerisms I love this car. I have never drove anything like it. But when the person tries to sell me the car, I am having second thoughts. 

    Your situation is no different. 

    Think of it like this: if you’re talking to an emotionally unavailable man, the better it is, the more likely he will pull away. 

    Why?

    Because he painted a picture so amazing and a life so ideal that he feels obligated to commit and that itself is the pressure that pushes him away. Trust me, this is the ONLY reason a man truly pulls away when things are going well. 

    I understand if you have some questions:

    • Why is he doing this after the fact?
    • Did he mean anything he did and said?
    • Does he feel bad?

    We know that the reality of a relationship coming to fruition is what made him take a step back. But let’s dive deeper into it by going to the next reason.

    The Emotionally Unavailable Man Has A “Halfway” Point

    Men don’t pull away early on because there is no reason to. He likes you, is trying to get to know you, and may believe he wants a relationship.

    However, to get those things he desires (you and the assets you offer), he must invest four things:

    • His time with you.
    • Effort (initiating, planning, getting to know you, etc).
    • His energy in the interactions (enthusiasm, having fun, smiling, and transferring that to you).
    • And his money to pay for dates and so on.

    These four things create a concept I call context:

    The things you two do and say over time that layer and create a more serious vibe in a relationship.

    Context includes:

    • Sex or any intimacy.
    • Consistency.
    • Frequency.
    • Meeting friends and family.
    • The pace.
    • Future planning.
    • Exclusivity talk.
    • Leaving things over each other’s houses.
    • And many other things.

    Early on, context isn’t built. It’s just two people who like each other and the assets you offer. However, as time goes on, the context builds up and if you’re both healthy and emotionally available that’s great. If someone isn’t, they get in their own head.

    That explains the this and the previous point.

    From my experience, this happens around the halfway point—around 4–5 dates.

    The male logic isn’t that dates or contacting you is what bothers him. It’s what it represents. 

    This means he knows that if we continue down the path we’re going, my actions tell you I am on the same page as you and everything is okay when in reality, it’s not.

    This is where men feel pressure and start to pull away. The unfortunate thing is how men justify it and what they do net.

    He Found Someone Else That Causes The “Respark”

    Remember how context layers build up over time? If he’s emotionally unavailable, he will hesitate to continue with you. You may try to convince him to take it slow or communicate along the way but that never helps.

    It doesn’t matter how you handle it. If he feels like whatever you’re doing is moving toward a relationship, he will pull away eventually. It’s just a matter of time.

    So, how does he reset that context? Well, he starts to talk to someone else. 

    I always tell my clients that if a man isn’t investing in you, he’s investing elsewhere. A man who pulls away doesn’t completely take himself off the market, no matter what he tells you.

    When he talks to someone else, he relieves pressure several ways:

    • He escapes the situation with you where he felt the pressure.
    • He talks to someone else, where no context is built (yet).
    • He learns from his lesson with you and sets parameters so he doesn’t fall into the same situation.

    When this happens, a man starts slowly ending what he had with you and starting it with someone else. Is she the lucky one? Maybe, but the odds are strongly against her.

    The odds of a man changing after being emotionally unavailable is rare. It takes years for that shit to heal and fix itself. In the above video, I explain why that’s the case. 

    He’s Realizing He Doesn’t See You Long-Term

    Completely moving on from the emotionally unavailable man in his head, another reason he’s ignoring you is he doesn’t see you long-term.

    While this hurts, it happens to all of us.

    In fact, I have an amazing article here that goes over the 5 main signs that a guy doesn’t see you long-term and the tactics he uses. I feel it will help you out a lot. 

    There is this four-step process men go through before committing to a girl:

    Get a date: Men want to get a date to see if 1) he can get you because he likes you and 2) sees where it goes. So far, so good.

    Get consistency: For it to go anywhere, it has to have some type of consistency. This is how we build attraction, rapport, and get comfortable with the next step.

    Make it feel like a relationship: It would be great if you two were on the same page. But this is the end if someone is having second thoughts about getting to know you and not seeing you long-term.

    Men get very picky here. What you’re essentially asking him is to go against his nature and to become monogamous. If you want to learn how to get him to do this, read this article here. 

    Men put women through several test at this point to make sure she’s the one. The main test is what I call the “Future Test.” This is where he puts you in certain scenarios in his mind and explores how they play out. Some of these include:

    • How you handle family gatherings.
    • How you two raise your kids.
    • Values and morals.
    • How you handle stressful situations.
    • What it’s like waking up to you and the kids on a Sunday morning.
    • How you handle stressful times.
    • How you help him when he needs you the most.
    • How will the attraction play out decades from now?

    If he doesn’t wear a smile on his face during this, you’re most likely out.

    There are five things every man is looking for long-term:

    • Are you very attractive to him?
    • Are you the best option?
    • Do you make his life better by being in it?
    • Do you challenge him and make him want to be better?
    • Do you have more asses than liabilities? Are they worth the cost?

    You’re in good hands if you have all five and he wants a relationship.

    He’s Taking You For Granted

    The last reason he’s ignoring you is he’s taking you for granted. 

    I wouldn’t say he’s ignoring you if this is the case, he just is too comfortable and feels you’re not going anywhere.

    If that is the case it’s because you’re way too available to him and he feels like he has you. There are two reasons for this:

    The first one he has free access to you. Men are designed to chase. You must make a man playfully chase you. I teach how and why here.

    There needs to be time in between the chase and the reward. As soon as you give him instant gratification, he has no reason to work for it anymore:

    The second and more common reason is you have him variables that tell him it’s okay to take you for granted because you’re not going anywhere and like him more than he likes you. 

    These things include:

    • Giving too many chances.
    • Doing more work than he is.
    • Not being courted (during the date stage) anymore.
    • Him coming back after leaving before.
    • Always fighting and sticking around.
    • Putting up with bare minimum.
    • Him pushing your limits and boundaries.

    If you feel you’re being taken advantage of, I highly suggest you read this article on becoming more mysterious and this article on being cold to get him to regret it. 

    We’re resourceful creatures. We want to save on resources (time, energy, effort, and money). We look for “variables” to adapt a new gameplan to do so. 

    The more variables he has, the more likely it is to happen. You must keep a man on his feet. Always keep a man courting you. As soon as he’s not, it’s going downhill. 

    5 Sneaky Ways You Can Instantly Become Mysterious That Makes A Man Chase You.

    “Men are wired to pursue what they can’t fully understand.”

    If you want to lure men in, make them invest twice as much, and chase you until the very end, being mysterious is one of the best ways.

    It is in a man’s DNA to chase women he likes but is unsure where he stands in their eyes. Being mysterious isn’t a complex trait to master. If you adjust a couple of things we will discuss in this article, you can instantly become more mysterious to men. This will cause them to:

    • Chase
    • Invest
    • Ask complex questions
    • Be more consistent
    • put more effort in overall

    If this sounds interesting to you, let’s dive in!

    If you’re interested in a FREE guide on ways to dramatically increase your value in men’s eyes. Click the link here or the image below.

    Understand Indicators Of Interest

    When I was a freshman in college, I got my heart broken. It was bad. I couldn’t eat, sleep, think, and I had to push everything away from me (friends, job, dropped out of college, etc) just to function.

    During this time, I started looking up articles on “how to get an ex back” which caused me to go down a rabbit hole. I came across a lot of PUA (Pick Up Artist) material and they talked about a concept called IOI (Indicator of Interest)

    These signals a woman gives — consciously or subconsciously — suggest she’s attracted to or intrigued by a man.

    In my case, I was giving off ALL the IOIs, and she wasn’t giving off any. The dynamic was clear: I was too eager, available, and invested while she laid back and looked at me as this predictable (and pathetic) puppy that didn’t arouse or interest her.

    IOIs are extremely important. They tell someone how interested you are and with that knowledge someone can adapt a gameplan to better save on resources such as time, energy, effort, money, etc and most importantly, avoid risk of getting hurt, over investing, or choosing the wrong mate.

    In your case, you want to limit IOI or at least, mix this with IOD (Indicators Of Disinterest) to prevent a man from doing the following:

    • Feeling he has too much power
    • Getting too comfortable
    • Feeling he has you
    • Feeling it’s okay to take risk in putting you on the back burner and talking to other women
    • Getting comfortable to disrespect you or push your boundaries

    When you mix IOI and DOI, you throw a man off a little. If you don’t show IOI as readily as you use to, he doesn’t have a clear path on what to do next.

    Here is a list of IOIs that people show. I will list out Verbal and Non-Verbal:

    Verbal IOIs

    • You ask questions to keep things going.
    • You laugh at their jokes, even the dumb ones.
    • You tease them or give a cute nickname.
    • You throw in too many compliments. The more personal, the more interest
    • You bring up something they said earlier.
    • You ask how they feel about you.
    • You tell them you like them
    • You say you’re not talking to anyone else or have an exclusive talk

    Nonverbal IOIs

    • You play with your hair.
    • You’re only hooking up with them.
    • You give them more chances than they deserve.
    • You put up with their BS and let them back in.
    • You copy their body language.
    • You lean in or touch lightly.
    • You hold eye contact.
    • You bump into them or don’t move away.

    While showing these aren’t bad, it depends on the person receiving them. If you’re talking to a good guy who is emotionally available and on the same page as you, these aren’t a problem. He’s not going to take advantage of you.

    However, if you’re talking to someone who is unsure about a relationship, or just wants your assets, he will probably take advantage of the fact and take you for granted.

    Here is a list of DOI you can use to balance it out:

    Verbal Indicators of Disinterest

    • You give short, one-word answers.
    • You don’t ask anything back.
    • You don’t laugh at their jokes.
    • You change the subject quickly.
    • You avoid giving compliments.
    • You don’t talk about feelings.
    • You don’t react to specific things meant to get a reaction out of you.

    Nonverbal Indicators of Disinterest

    • You avoid eye contact.
    • You don’t initiate.
    • You make him chase.
    • You don’t put up with bullshit.
    • You both keep options open.
    • You’re not outcome dependent
    • You lean away or keep distance.
    • You don’t smile or react much.
    • You keep your arms crossed.
    • You pull back when touched.

    In my experience, doing all this is too “gamey” and he will know you’re playing games. I feel what’s best is to remain mysterious instead of trying to throw a concoction of “signs” for him to interpret. I am just listing this because it’s a fundamental concept to understand if you have never heard of it, because you’re doing a huge majority of these things subconsciously.

    If you want an amazing article on power dynamics in a relationship so you never get taken advantage of and know what he’s doing, check it out here.

    Adapting A “Premise” Mindset

    To dive deeper into the above point of IOIs, there is this concept that goes along with it very well called “Intent Versus Premise.” If you want a deeper dive on power dynamics and this concept specifically, I highly recommend you check out my nine-series of guides here.

    I want to give you a scenario that will drive the concept home:

    Let’s say you’re a manager having open interviews, and a guy walks in. You look at him and say, “You’re our guy. You’re exactly what we’re looking for. You will probably get the job because we desperately need to fill this role anyway,” and then start the interview.

    In terms of power, how do you think the interview will go? What about negotiations? What will you say when he negotiates salary? You gave up too much power and revealed your cards early on.

    On the other hand, let’s say you’re giving interviews for a job, and he’s one of many people who come in and want this competitive position you’re offering. He knows it’s open for grabs. However, he has to compete with other qualifying prospects.

    Which scenario is better for you? The first or the second one? The second.

    The first scenario is what we call intent: We’re entering a situation with a preference toward a particular person who will fill the slot you’re looking for and that you want him and no one else to do so. Your actions, words, and gameplay reflect that your intentions are clear and that you want him.

    The second scenario, where the person has to fight for the position, is called premise: We’re entering a situation with a goal in mind, but not sure who will fulfill that goal.

    In dating, this will look like the following:

    • “I want you no one but you to be my boyfriend and I am not talking to anyone else. I am exclusive to you and only sleeping with you” (You intend to make him your boyfriend).
    • “I am looking for a serious relationship and dating with the goal of finding the right guy” (this is a premise because the ultimate goal is to find a relationship and someone to fill that role).

    Why is this important:

    Because of what we discussed in the previous point: As soon as the person knows you intend to date them and you’re not talking to anyone else, you’re opening yourself up to getting taken advantage of.

    This doesn’t mean you have to play hard to get, be a bitch, or anything like that. Just be cautious of what you’re doing.

    Here is a spectrum of things you do that shows premise versus intent:

    The goal of this article is to be mysterious and not to play games. I am just pointing all this out for you two to consciously see what you’re doing (and not doing) and how it comes off to him. You’re good as long as you’re not doing the things that make you seem like you’re intentionally trying to make him your boyfriend.

    Here is an amazing article on why men will never commit to you if you’re hopeful. Please, do not do the things I mention here or it ruins your chances.

    Following The 70/30 Rule

    I am a believer that men should court women. If you’re not getting courted, you already lost. It’s in our DNA to court women. Mother Nature designed men to chase and court women.

    That said, I feel women get the wrong idea on courtship. They think they’re the prize and don’t have to lift a finger. Since both sexes try to avoid risk, a man will immediately drop a woman once he senses that he has to invest everything in her before she returns the favor fully.

    This is going to be a very harsh reality and it’s going to feel like a personal attack but it’s not. It’s just the reality:

    You’re not that special. No man or woman is. You’re extremely replaceable (early on) and there will always be a better option out there statistically for you and for him.

    Do not think a man is obligated to invest in you at any time. He chooses to then you choose to let him.

    Despite all this, a man is the primary suitor and has to court women due to the Parental Investment Theory, which states:

    How the sex that invests more in offspring (typically women) is choosier when selecting a mate. In dating, this means women are biologically wired to look for partners who offer safety, resources, and long-term value — because their reproductive cost (pregnancy, child-rearing) is higher. Men, who invest less biologically, are more likely to pursue quantity over quality unless a woman signals she’s worth long-term commitment.

    For a fair balance so both parties are happy, I have adopted the 70/30 rule in a lot of my teachings.

    Simply, a man does 70% of the planning, initiating, etc and a woman does 30% in the form of a reward. For example:

    He should be initiating 70% of the text. This means you respond to every text. But you also initiate 30% of them to show you’re interested too.

    If he plans the first 2–3 dates, there is nothing wrong with you reaching out and saying, “This weekend is hectic and I need a break. Do you want to catch up and have a quick coffee tomorrow?”

    The reason this is crucial is humans want to feel wanted. A man’s brain starts flashing red lights when he’s investing in a woman, doing it consistently, doing everything correct, but she’s showing no feedback or interest.

    I remember dating a woman who when I texted or asked her out, she always replied or agreed to the date. We’d even have amazing times on the date. But if I never reached out, I’d never hear from her. It killed the attraction.

    This works great with being mysterious because:

    • You’re never doing more than him.
    • You’re being more reactionary than chasing (beause he’s doing it more and he’s doing it first.
    • You’re never doing too much and making it obvious you like him more than he does you. you’re playing within the parameters.

    Being Playful To Avoid Direct Answers

    As soon as you tell a man early on:

    • I like you a lot.
    • I am only talking to you.
    • I never do this. I’ve only done this with you.
    • I am afraid of getting hurt.

    Or anything along those lines, you lose. Talk about killing attraction and mystery.

    A better way to go about it is to be fun and flirty. Tease him and see how he handles it. If he asks what you think about him, don’t just say, “I like you and I like where this is going,” instead, say something along the lines of:

    • “I think you’re great but…(use a playful contrast to counter the compliment)”
    • “You’re fun but also trouble.”
    • “Let’s just say you’re climbing the ranks.”

    If he persist, just give him a straight answer. It kills more attraction to constantly beat around the bush than it does just being upfront.

    However, the reason I am telling you to be playful is not only does it build attraction and mystery, but it also avoids what I call concrete statements.

    These are statements that only have one meaning. They’re not ambiguous or have double meaning. What you say is what you get. When you say things like:

    • I like you.
    • I am only talking to you.
    • I want a relationship with you.
    • I deleted the dating app.
    • I see you long-term and potential.

    There are no other ways to decipher these than what is being said. When you’re playful and indirect, it tells him that you’re interested based on the context you two have created up to this point. For example, you’ve gone on several dates, laughed, had a good time, and built some rapport. By giving an indirect answer, you’re being playful, which universally symbolizes interest without saying, “Hey, I am definitely into you.”

    I only ask you to be consciously aware of how much you’re doing it. Zoom out and look at the bigger picture:

    • Am I being too mysterious?
    • Am I playing too hard to get?
    • Is layering all these concepts together too much?
    • Do I always give a playful answer when he’s asking questions and never be direct?

    Too much is unattractive. He is asking for an answer, after all. Just use your best judgment.

    Controlling The Pace (To A Degree)

    There is one crucial reason why you want to control the pace:

    If you don’t, he will. It’s in our nature because it benefits us. Everyone I know who has watched that Adam Sandler movie “Click” wishes they had the remote to bypass certain times in their life. It’s no different in dating.

    As you can probably tell up to this point of the article, men really want your validation. They want signs you’re interested to keep the ball moving. Why do you think men lovebomb you?

    Sure, some of it’s due to insecurity, being emotionally unavailable, and other psychological factors. But it’s also to see where you stand and to fast-forward through all the investing to get the prize.

    In a nutshell, humans want things now. Instant gratification has existed since the beginning of time and our brain is programmed to find patterns to get it soon/easy as possible.

    The pattern in our situation is if a man can lovebomb you or increase the pace and sees that you’re going along with it, why not do it? Why not go faster? He’s going to bypass when he’s at a disadvantage (investing in you with uncertainty of getting the prize) and then slow it down once he gets the prize to marinate in the fact that he has access to the prize.

    It looks something like this:

    Men will always try to rush it past courtship and slow it down after sex but prior to a relationship. That’s where it will benefit him the most.

    As long as we’re going at a normal pace, we’re good.

    I Wanted To End My Life: How I Got Over Heartbreak In 3 Steps

    How come some people take months or even years to get over someone, while others take as little as a week?

    That doesn’t mean they like them any less, they just know the correct steps for a powerful mindset shift that immediately gets them over anyone no matter how long they’ve been together.

    I am going to share with you a 3-step strategy that took me from wanting to end my life to wanting to live my life in only 2 weeks.

    Not only that, but I will also provide you with actionable steps you can take to ensure this works for you. The only thing I ask is that you watch until the end because you must use all three steps in to get over someone in record time.

    **If you’re interested in working with me, please click the link here.**

    Step One: Your Acceptance Speech

    This is the most cliché step, but also the most crucial, as it sets up the groundwork for the mindset shift. And that’s acceptance. Specifically, accepting you will be on this Earth but not together.

    I know this isn’t easy. If you’re anything like me, your brain doesn’t shut up and listen. It likes to constantly ask, “What ifs:”

    • What if I was the problem?
    • What if I wasn’t good enough?
    • What if I didn’t do X or what if I did Y instead?

    The easiest way to overcome this is to brush aside all the “what-ifs” and accept complete responsibility. That means:

    • Were you the problem? Who cares. You have to take responsibility for YOUR part.
    • Were you good enough? Who cares improve yourself anyway.
    • What if I did/didn’t do XYZ? Who cares. You probably screwed up. Focus on the future.

    Dating is a game of trial and error. Please don’t beat yourself up for something inevitable.

    After taking full responsibility, the next thing that helps me accept the outcome is being empathetic. This means telling yourself that “If her version of happiness doesn’t have me in it, who am I to rob that of her for my selfish gain? Do I want to be with someone who doesn’t want to be with me?”

    Is this going to hurt? You bet your sweet ass it will.

    I remember trying to do this and constantly getting stuck on the fact that I wasn’t good enough and because of it, she’s with some other guy who is satisfying her and her sugarwalls.

    What made it worse was how pathetic I felt. I was lying in my grandma’s basement crying myself to sleep.

    It’s so much easier to accept the fact you’re not going to be together and then add the cherry on top by saying, “As long as they’re happy, I can now set off and do my own thing.”

    It’s like that saying, “Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.”

    I just wanted to let go completely because it gave me a definitive path to explore. Let me explain:

    Let’s say you’re sick and go to the doctor. The doctor takes one look at you and is like, “Oh damn, you’ve seen better days.” “yeah no shit doc. What’s wrong with me?”

    It’s very defeating if you go to the doctor, they run some tests, and still don’t know what’s wrong with you. Even if it’s bad news, it’s better to understand and to have a set plan of action than to sit around and try to figure it out.

    I had reached the point where I was so exhausted that I just wanted to move on. I didn’t want to fight it anymore.

    Step Two: The Eye Of The Tornado

    The problem I had was that my mind was racing. I remember the first time I saw her after we split up. She had to come over for some reason. She pulled up and got out of the car. She looked amazing while I had raccoon eyes from the constant tears and sleepless nights.

    She had her hair done with highlights, it was all flared out. She had this new outfit that hugged her body in all the right places. Her makeup was done. What hurt was that it required more effort than she ever put into me. She was going out that night. Come to find out, she had a date.

    My mind started racing. I knew they were going to attend the bedroom Olympics, where she was gonna attempt the pole vault and he was going to run a marathon if you know what I mean. Dude coming out here looking like Steve Prefontaine with that kitty tickler mustache.

    I still had vivid images of her, so I knew exactly what he would see. The only thing that went through my head that entire night was the act of them making love. I imagined every little detail: her body, breathing, moaning, the things she liked, and so on. It killed me inside. All while I was again, laying in my grandma’s basement.

    I tried masking the pain, covering it up, and distracting myself. It wasn’t working. She was the first thing I thought about when I woke up and the last thing I thought about before bed. That’s when it would sneak in.

    It wasn’t until I took a deep breath, laid back, and let all those thoughts happen: them screwing, us never being together, what she was up to, did she ever think about me, them ending up getting married, and so on. EVERYTHING.

    Then I realized something, “This IS the worst case scenario. I am face deep into some dogshit yet still alive. It can only get better from here.

    I call this the eye of the tornado because it’s hectic on the outside but when you’re in the middle of it, you see everything for what it is. You’re the front line and still alive.

    What I am getting at is, stop running from it. Face your demons head-on. Let it consume you. Challenge it. You’ll still be standing. You will get over it much faster, knowing you can do so instead of always running.

    Step Three: Change Your Environment

    I think this is the hardest because some of us can’t do this, whether you work with the person, live with them, or they’re part of the same friend group. I understand that, but you need to change something up in your routine.

    The brain loves routine, and it subconsciously anchors our thoughts to it.

    For me, I changed everything. I dropped out of college, joined another, quit my job, changed my circle of friends, and deleted 90% of my social media contacts. Everything changed. Dramatic? Yes. Did it help? 100%

    It’s tough to see growth and improvement when everything around you is the same: Waking up the same time every day, ordering the same coffee from Starbucks, parking in the same spot at work/school, doing the same mundane task, oh, and then you see him….great….

    I love drastic changes but if you can’t do that, try some substitute without ending anything. For example, If you have the same friend group, keep your friends but find a new group too. A group that you can rely on instead of thinking, “Oh I wanna hang with Judy but John will be there.”

    Man fuck John.

    If you have a job, ask to be moved, work in a different area of the job, or, at best, create boundaries with him that help you mentally.

    The goal is to tell the brain that there is more to life than what you’ve been living. As soon as the brain realizes this, it’s easier to step out of your bubble and feel excited for growth.

    I Was Free Again!

    I thought I could never get over her. I remember the first day I felt free:

    I usually wake up very stressed from the night before, and my brain immediately floods me with thoughts of her that I can’t escape. I lay there waiting for them. This time, I woke up, but they never came. It was weird, but I just thought they’d eventually come later. I remember later that day I was driving the backroads to go to a friend’s house. It was summertime and humid. In Illinois, the summers are very hot and humid. Not fun. While driving there, my car broke down. I pull to the side of the road and grab my cell. No service. I sit there for a second, trying to get service before I get out of the car, because it feels like an oven. I spot a tree to my left that offers some shade. I walk over there while looking at my phone. Still no service. I start to laugh. For some reason, I wasn’t mad. I was happy. This was nothing to the pain I have been feeling for the last 7 months, and despite what’s happening, she never popped into my mind. I was content with being stranded on the side of the road. I was happy. I was going to be ok.

    Again, **if you’re interested in working with me, please click the link here.**

    Why If You’re Always Available, You’ll Become Forgettable To Him

    “In his brain, availability is not love — it’s predictability. And predictability kills chase.”

    Have you ever wondered why he starts to change once you show interest, let a guy in, or match his energy?

    He was chasing you, saying he wanted to see you, and blowing up your phone. Now he’s chilling, leaning back, and you must initiate to see him. 

    What gives? Why is this happening?

    There is a reason for this, and we will discuss it in this article.

    First, if you haven’t got my free ebook on how to raise your value in the dating market, click here, and I will send it to you.

    Let’s dive in.

    The Dopamine-Chase Loop

    Have you ever played your favorite song on repeat only for it to lose its spark and reason you loved it so much in the first place? If so, being too available has the same effect regarding dating.

    Mother Nature has a fantastic way to get us to chase our ultimate goal of survival and reproduction. Why do you think hormones like dopamine and cortisol are a thing? One drives us towards things, and the other drives us away from danger/threats.

    For a man to feel high amounts of dopamine when courting and chasing a woman, he has to feel two things:

    • The reward is worth it (meaning getting you and investing is worth the cost).
    • He has to feel progression towards that goal. He has to feel the uncertainty because he doesn’t have you, but still feels he’s making progress.

    While humans love reaching the goal, whether buying a home, making a certain income yearly, reaching a certain bodyweight, and so on, we always default back to normal. It doesn’t last forever. Why is that?

    Because dopamine creates a moment, a feeling, and an experience, it’s not supposed to flood your body 24/7.

    That’s why a dopamine-chase loop has to happen for us to be happy:

    What does this mean when a man is chasing you? Well, you should always reward a guy. At the end of the day we’re not trying to play games. It’s supposed to look something like:

    • He desires you.
    • He courts you.
    • You got out with him.
    • You let time go by.
    • Repeat

    The goal with all this is not to be predictable. That’s all. I don’t want you playing games. Just don’t be predictable because the uncertainty triggers the chase. The best way to put it is playful cat and mouse.

    I guess a more playful way to look at it is:

    • He desires you.
    • He courts you.
    • You PLAYFULLY do some cat and mouse.
    • You go out with him.
    • You let time go by.
    • Repeat.

    Playful cat and mouse is the following:

    • Always replying to his text but you don’t have to get back to him right away.
    • He should be initiating 70% while you should be 30%.
    • If you’re truly busy on a day, he suggests seeing you, so raincheck him and plan another day.

    Again, the goal is playful unpredictability. If I can reach out and see you whenever I want, trust me, I naturally take you for granted. The chase isn’t there anymore. You’re my favorite song I played on repeat 100 times. 

    If you want to ensure you’re so fun and awesome that he needs you in his life, check out this article.

    Men Are Designed To Chase

    Men are designed to bond after a chase. Not be constantly rewarded.

    If a man wants a woman short-term or doesn’t see much value in investing in her, he won’t want to chase her. He would rather she just go with the flow and give him what he wants.

    **If you want to know three reasons men commit to you long-term despite Mother Nature making us non-monogamous, click here.**

    You’re not that type of woman though. We want men to invest and chase. We want to create some thrill.

    Men are designed to chase and conquer, whether it’s resources, food, or other women. It’s deeply rooted in our DNA. A woman who makes it too easy is easily forgotten. She gets breadcrumbed in the long run.

    A man should chase you, win you over, take you out on a date, he should be rewarded, and the cycle should repeat. That way, both parties are happy and their primal drivers are being met:

    • Your needs are being met because you’re being courted, valued, chased, and invested in. This is a great sign in evolutionary psychology because women want to reduce risk in choosing a bad mate.
    • His needs are being met because he’s constantly being validated in winning you over, fulfilling his desire to chase, and be rewarded for it in such a way that’s fair to him yet unpredictable.

    The only thing I worry is that women take what I am saying the wrong way or do the wrong thing and think that a man must constantly court them and she’s going to play hard to get. 

    No.

    A man doesn’t want to work for something repeatedly, especially something he has already won. He shouldn’t get it as easily as ordering some food on DoorDash or Uber Eats. It shouldn’t be as easy as clicking a video on YouTube or Netflix. 

    I guess “easy” is the wrong word because I don’t want you to make it hard. Just unpredictable. The goal is not to be taken for granted. That doesn’t mean hold out on sex, say no to a date, or leave him on “read.” Just don’t be a doormat and drop everything.

    I know that while writing this article, I will get some pushback. For all the people who say this is pseudo-science, a fear tactic, and there is no need for these games, let me ask you something:

    Why do you take things of even more value for granted? You take food, water, shelter, life, time, friends, family, the air you breathe, and the country you live in for granted.

    It’s human nature. Our brain stores it into “autopilot mode,” where it doesn’t have to think about what to do or alter a plan to get to the destination because it has been done so many times. Just like you can daydream while driving and still get to your destination. 

    I am not saying you have to do this forever. Once you’re in a relationship it should change. Until then, you need to be courted and it should be consistently.

    A 3-Step Framework To Becoming A High-Value Woman In Dating

    “To the right man, a high-value woman is a challenge, a reward, and a worthy investment worth making.”

    Value is the single most crucial factor on the dating market. The problem is that women perceive value differently from men. Women THINK they know what men want and then focus on being high value based on what they want, will tolerate, and so on.

    That’s the worst way to go about building value in dating. The best way to create value is the following:

    While this isn’t an article on knowing what men want, you can find all that information in this nine-part series guide here.

    Am I going to get a lot of pushback in this article? Maybe. Just know nothing is personal and I have your best interests in mind. It’s all from an evolutionary psychology perspective.

    Value Isn’t Something You Switch On and Off

    While I NEVER want to tell a woman what to do with her body, to ignore consequences and expect men to fall in line is delusional. 

    Value is not something you turn on and off based on your needs and wants. It’s something you are based on what you provide and how men percieve it in the SMP. This goes both ways.

    By definition, you cannot be valuable if no one values it. Only in rare and objective cases such as a cure for a disease that we don’t know about does this matter. 

    Let me give you a controversial example of what I mean:

    I know many women over the years who will have a FWB, fling, or even make the mistake of sleeping with a guy early on. She will say I don’t have feelings for this guy, cravings that need to be met, and wants to have a little fun. She sleeps with a guy. 

    Then another guy comes along that she likes and sees a potential relationship with. All of a sudden she makes this guy work, invest, take her out, and holds out on sex. 

    Wait what? Sorry, that’s not how it works. If you’re selfish, sure. But not for the best of both parties.

    Let me tell you something you’re not going to like: If any man finds out that you’re easy sometimes but not all the time, he’s never going to invest in you long-term. It doesn’t make logical sense. Men will think:

    So you’re telling me because you like me more and I am more of a potential partner that I have to invest and prove myself more than guys who are half my caliber? Yeah, no sorry.

    I am not saying you can’t have fun. I am not saying you can’t slip up. But if a man finds out you have many partners and not many long-term relationships, it won’t go well.

    What women don’t understand is value is a two way street. We perceive your value, you uphold it.

    Meaning, you don’t get to tell us what we perceive as valuable. When we see value, we invest in it. It’s your job to ensure you get the most out of it by upholding your value.

    Value is a mindset first. You must have prize mentality. It should always be turned on. 

    You Understand The Give And Take Dynamic

    The best negotiators aren’t people who get the most bang for the buck in a negotiation, it’s the people who negotiate where everyone can win.

    The biggest problem (from both sides) I see in dating is a very intrinsic, self-centered view on dating. You will only win in dating when both sides are happy with what they’re getting.

    I love how men think a couple of dates make him a candidate for sleeping together, and I love when women think the average man is down for building chemistry for 2 months and a relationship in order to sleep with him.

    Can this happen for either party? Of course, we see it all the time, but it’s still uncommon. This is due to our duty to avoid-risk.

    Men don’t want to go all in with women they haven’t had an intimate relationship with. Men know women are completely different before, during, and after sex. At the same time, I understand women not wanting to sleep with a man prior to a relationship in case that’s all he was after.

    Obviously communication is key but difficult to get consistently and to the level that makes you feel comfortable. I am not saying you have to sleep with a man to get a relationship and I am not saying men have to invest heavy every single time he finds a woman attractive. There is a middle ground set by you two and a certain amount of trust you have.

    I tell my clients all the time there four categories that we have to progress evenly for both parties to be happy:

    • Consistency
    • Touch
    • Logistics
    • Conversation

    If they’re not all progressing, there is a chance conflict may occur. Here is a sample of what I mean:

    Everyone will be happy if you’re progressing the relationship and communicating. Again, value is based on what people want and desire, not what you think you’re worth. That’s upholding the value. 

    You’re Not For Everyone. You’re For Someone

    Let me give you a valuable piece of advice in dating:

    Niche down for an ideal guy and niche down your criteria so you’re looking for a perfect guy. Then expand from there if you need to.

    Let me explain.

    I have so many women who come to me and say, “Me and Johnny have such amazing chemistry and the sex is great. I know he finds me attractive and we can talk for hours. I don’t know what the problem is.”

    The problem is that what you and Jonny have is what he has with every woman. Attractiveness and chemistry are prerequisites. They’re mandatory for any two people talking. You have to have more.

    Men are looking for that X factor. That thing that makes you stick out from the rest. You want the perfect guy and he’s looking for the perfect girl. That is someone who fits each other’s lifestyle, personality, values, long-term goals, balances out each other’s traits (for example, he’s always anxious but you’re level-headed), and so on.

    Men are looking for five things in a woman:

    • Attractivess
    • The best option he can get
    • Lots of assets with minimal liabilities
    • His life is better with you in it than without 
    • You make him want to be a better person

    As soon as men find that, they’re going to commit. To start this, you must be part of a person’s tribe. If you want to learn exactly what men want, please check out this guide here.

    But to keep it simple:

    A tribe is a group of people that have the same common sense of belonging to a particular group whether that’s truth passion, mindset, values, and so on.

    For example:

    • People who want to raise their kids and household with the same values in mind.
    • Nerds who are introverted and love video games and anime.
    • Both of you love to travel and explore the world not because it’s fun but it’s a deep philosophical reason that gives you meaning and purpose. As if the meaning of life is to explore and experience life itself.

    Agian, I go into much more detail on how to be that perfect person for someone in my guide here. It’s too complex of a concept to put in a single article.

    The more you’re part of a person’s tribe with traits he desires, the more your value in the dating market will rise. You want to be the perfect person for someone, not everyone. By doing this, you can ask for a lot more from someone because he is willing to invest and see you in the long term. Someone like you would be hard to come by again.

    Why Men Decide To Ghost You When Things Are Going Well

    “Ghosting isn’t about you — it’s about a man running from the intimacy he wasn’t built to hold.”

    One of the biggest conundrums in dating is not ghosting — but why do men ghost when things are going well? That goes against all logic.

    Or does it?

    The problem many of us have when tackling this situation is we’re looking at it from the lens of a healthy individual who wants a relationship. Instead, we need to look at how ghosting (unfortunately) benefits the ghoster: Why they did it, what logic they have, and what their ultimate goal is.

    In this article, I am going to give you the most accurate reasons on why men ghost when things are going well.

    The Better It Is, The Worse Ghosting Gets

    Here is the truth you’re not going to want to hear. Men ghost only for three reasons:

    • They‘re selfish human beings who didn’t see you in the long term.
    • They hate confrontation and accountability.
    • They’re emotionally unavailable, and the pressure has built up, making him anxious to continue.

    A can of worms has opened when you talk to someone who likes you but cannot give you a relationship. 

    They may have said, “Yes, I am looking for a relationship,” and acted all boyfriend-like, but that’s where the problem arises. It always starts that way. You’re an interesting woman and he’s talking to a girl he likes. Of course, he’s going to be down for it.

    Emotional unavailability (which more men are EU than you think) is at a crazy high. If you don’t believe me, watch the video below on why there are so many EU men today.

    The thing with EU is these men still feel, crave, desire, and avoid the same thing every other normal person does. He still:

    • Desires you.
    • Builds a genuine connection.
    • Is curious.
    • Wants to see where things go.
    • Loves the chemistry you two have.

    He doesn’t have to worry about EU yet because the context hasn’t built up. It’s just two people who like each other and enjoy a good time. I tell my clients the EU lies dormant in someone until the context awakens it. That includes:

    • How long have you two been talking
    • How consistent
    • Exclusive talk
    • Sex
    • Meeting friends and family
    • The pace
    • Leavign things over at eachother’s place
    • Future planning
    • And many more

    All these things are great…if you’re talking to a normal and available man because it’s positive feedback and validation. It lets us know, “Okay we like each other and things are going well. Awesome.”

    However, when you’re EU, this stuff feels like pressure. He starts to think:

    “What did I just get myself into? I like her sure but I can’t give a relationship and here I am future planning, telling her I want a relationship, and hooking up. I feel guilty leading her on.”

    The fact that things were going so well makes him feel worse. Because he believes he painted this amazing picture of an ideal situation with an ideal relationship. He can’t deliver on it, although he feels obligated to do so. This pressure pushes men away.

    Should he confront the situation and talk to you about it? Sure, but like I said earlier, men hate confrontation and accountability. Is that a valid excuse? Hell no! But it’s his reasoning.

    Which leads us to the next reason you’re getting ghosted.

    What’s His “Justification?”

    Men start to run through a checklist on what to do. No different than a pilot going through a safety checklist before takeoff. He’s trying to justify being a piece of shit for what he’s about to do.

    Here are some of the things men will justify:

    • “She doesn’t deserve me; the faster I disappear, the quicker she will get over it.”
    • “We’ve only been talking for a couple months. It’s not that serious. She will be fine.”
    • “I already did enough harm. I don’t want to explain myself and make it worse. I want it to be over.”
    • “Well, to be fair, I never said anything about a relationship.”
    • “Maybe if I just disappear and do it long enough she will move on/leave me alone.”

    There is always justification for a man ghosting unless he genuinely doesn’t care — which I know sounds weird because someone who cares wouldn’t ghost in the first place. 

    That is why I believe men who ghost are narcissists or emotionally unavailable. Narcissism is self-explanatory. But your guy was probably decent, and you never considered him narcissistic. This is the only hiccup you had with him. 

    That’s why I believe he’s emotionally unavailable. They have this thing where they’re great until their back is against the wall, and he has to choose between their own well-being and yours. He turns into a frightened animal who will lash out at anyone. 

    I have been a coach for ten years. I see it ALL the time (literally daily with clients).

    If you want to avoid emotionally unavailable men I suggest you watch this video:

    Does He Feel Bad?

    Most men feel bad for ghosting you unless they’re a piece of shit (which yes, if you ghost you’re a POS). Do they get over it quickly? Probably faster than you’d like, but that’s dependent on your relationship, how long it lasted, and how cruel it ended.

    Let me tell you things I believe they honestly feel guilty about:

    • Leading you on.
    • Telling you things and getting your hopes up.
    • Painting this picture of being an ideal guy and pulling the rug out from under you.

    Basically, leading you on lol. Please, if you get anything from my work, get this: Do not let him back in. The same thing will happen. I bet my life on it. While they feel guilty, it’s not bad enough for him to give you an explanation so why are you giving him the time?

    Emotional unavailability is a tough thing to change. It takes a long time. He has no reason to change if you stand around hoping and waiting for change. If anything, he will take advantage of you and the fact that you’re hopeful.

    The best and most respectful thing is that he owes you a reason for breaking it off. The fact that he ghosts you tells me everything.