Author Archives → Elliot Scott

3 Things That Make Men Commit Despite Nature Making Them Non-Monogamous?

“Men aren’t naturally monogamous — but they are strategic. Commitment happens when what you have outweighs the thrill of variety.”

Dating can seem impossible today. You may feel men want to play games and never commit. Yet, men are committing.

Why? What triggers a man to settle down instead of chasing women and constantly feeding those dopamine hits? 

It’s simpler than you think. 

In this article, I will explain men’s logical approach to dating and what makes them commit.

The Equation Of High-Value

When I talk to many clients, I tell them that attraction has layers. The more layers you’re able to cover, the stronger his feelings are going to be.

To simplify it, I put all things attraction into two categories:

  • Evolutionary desires (ED)
  • Personal desires (PD)

Evolutionary desires would be things deeply ingrained in us by Mother Nature that create a drive to seek out a partner for reproductive purposes. This would include things like:

  • Youth
  • Symmetry
  • Health
  • Overall attractiveness 
  • Childbearing cues (breast, hips, curves, ratios etc)
  • High value status
  • Loyalty
  • Tone/voice
  • Body language
  • Many other things.

When the male brain sees these traits, it focuses in and seeks out validation from that woman. But all women (to some extent) have this. So what makes a woman stand out even more? What makes a man sure he’s choosing the right woman.

That’s where personal desires come in. These traits are like icing on the cake. It’s things he likes and prefers. To go even further, consider it a way to show evolutionary desires more personally. For example, we know a man likes attractiveness (ED), but to him, that may be a woman with brown hair who is short (PD). That’s his personal (PD) view on attractiveness (ED).

Some PD include:

  • The tribe you’re in. More on this in this guide if you’re interested.
  • Personality
  • Humor
  • Style
  • Morals
  • Values
  • Belief system/mindset
  • The group you hang out in
  • Career choice
  • Passions
  • Many more

to keep this easy and sum it up, I will put all ED under “reproduction” and all PD under “Tribe.” That said, a man needs loyalty because he doesn’t want to invest in something he can lose. If we take all this, we can make a simple equation:

The more of these things someone has, the rarer and valuable they are on the market. Commitment will follow if you can find a man who aligns with you on many of these things and vice versa.

His Blueprint And The Reality Check

This goes with the above point: 

While men want something of value and rare, they also want someone to help get them where they want to go, or at least, be part of the plan. 

This is what I call the “Blueprint Versus Reality” concept:

Imagine you’re on your way to a first date with John. You liked talking to him on the phone during your several calls; you think he’s handsome and is looking for a relationship. You have this gameplan in your head on how you’d like things to go: “We’re going to meet, have a great time, laugh a lot, flirt, feel the amazing chemistry, and if he’s lucky he will get a kiss at the end and hopefully plan the second date.” Unfortunately, while daydreaming, you hit a pothole and popped a tire. You’re 15 minutes away and will be extremely late as you don’t have a spare tire. You call John and tell him and he understands but cancels the date and says we will meet up another time. Over the next week, you don’t hear much from John and start feeling him pulling back. You go out one day for lunch with a friend and you see John talking to another girl. You’re Devastated. 

Your “Blueprint” in this scenario is how you wanted things to play out with John. The reality is what you got (the unfortunate flat tire). 

The further our Blueprint (where we want to be) is from our reality (where we are), the more stress and pain we tend to feel.

Men already have this blueprint of their lives and want a woman to fit into it. He’s looking for the right woman who:

  • Compliments his lifestyle
  • Makes his life easier
  • Is a good de-stresser
  • Makes him happy
  • Satisfies his needs
  • Is an asset, not a liability

Both men and women do this subconsciously. Men do it more in terms of lifestyle, where they have this goal in life and then find a woman who fits it, where women (while also having a goal of course) focus more on a man and build a life from there. 

Men are always on the search for that “missing puzzle piece.”

Nurturing (And Motherly Traits)

From an evolutionary standpoint, men are wired to seek traits that increase their and their offspring’s chances of survival. And what signals that better than almost anything?

A nurturing, motherly woman.

“Survival” has a different meaning today than it did for our ancestors but it still comes from the same instinctive drive for safety and security. 

Back then, safety and security was having food, water, shelter, your health, and being part of a tribe. That is abundant in today’s world. That’s why we take it step further and go for things like comfort, convenience, saving resources, etc.

When you have a woman who can give you comfort and stability emotionally through nurturing traits, that’s a woman to keep.

Today, too many men and women have egos. People argue to win and not listen. People try to cut you deep to hurt you. When a man sees a woman do that, he can never commit to her long-term. It’s too much risk.

Men are looking for women who have:

  • Empathy
  • Gentleness
  • Patience
  • Affection
  • Emotional supportiveness
  • Attentiveness
  • Submissiveness (in the healthy sense)
  • Encouragement
  • Nurturing through acts of service
  • Consistency

This means, so far, if you were a woman who fulfills his evolutionary and personal desires, you fit into his lifestyle like the missing puzzle piece. You’re nurturing, you’re an extremely high-value woman.

No, you don’t have to have all of these, I am just making a list of things for each category.

Putting It Together: The Risk Of Loss

“Men don’t commit to women, they commit to bundles and good marketing.”

While this is not the sexiest quote, it’s a powerful one. Men never commit to one or two traits of a woman. They commit to the bundle of traits she has.

I call it a bundle because, if we’re being honest, humans are more complex than we can ever imagine, and not all bundles are purely good or bad. Instead, men take the good with the bad.

There is a concept called the “Margin of error,” which means we are willing to take X bad traits because Y traits are so good. It’s an overall net gain.

I am sure you felt this before, when you were talking to a man, and despite him not being the best at opening up and talking about his feelings, you saw that he was a great listener and communicator. 

All humans do this. We have to do this because no one is perfect. Therefore, men pick an amazing marketed bundle (how you carry yourself regarding confidence, looks, style, mannerisms, reactions, etc).

Because we are naturally risk-avoidant, a man doesn’t want to risk losing this bundle since he likes her and feels they’d be a good match. If he keeps you on the market, there are several reasons for this:

  • He’s unsure about you
  • He doesn’t want a relationship
  • He feels he has you and doesn’t need to commit

But men who want a relationship and women who fulfill what I listed out here usually get into relationships quickly. The whole game is a risk:

If a man doesn’t want a relationship, he will feel the risk of committing to you and breaking it off completely (because you still have assets he wants) so he will buy time and try not to put a label on it. That way he can avoid risk by having his cake and eating it too. When a man wants a relationship, he feel the risk is NOT taking you off the market because the longer you’re on there, the more options are available to you.

I know none of this sounds sexy. Even sexist to some extent (despite both men and women doing this and it’s not sex dependent, I understand), but you can’t argue with psychology. This is how many humans think on a subconscious level. 

  • If you want to work with me.
  • If you want my free guide on being high value.
  • If you want my nine guides on everything dating.

How To Be So Interesting That He Needs You In His Life (Seriously)

Have you ever noticed the people we remember most aren’t the ones who blend in — they’re the ones who make us feel something different?

It’s the friend who makes time fly by—the coworker who always has a wild adventure to share. The person who makes even a regular afternoon feel a little more exciting, just by being themselves.

We’re all wired to crave something more than the everyday routine. We want experiences that pull us out of the ordinary — that make life feel a little bigger, a little brighter.

In this article, I’m going to show you how to create that feeling. How to get any man to want to learn more about you to the point where he thinks about you non-stop.

**If you’d like to work together and have me as your dating coach, please click the link here.**

What Humans Love And Crave The Most

When I was in high school, the Twilight series took the world by storm. I remember every girl holding the book up to their face, unable to put it down.

It was shocking how obsessed people were. You didn’t have to read the book or know the characters to understand what “Are you team Edward or team Jacob?” meant.

I hold a degree in English Literature and Creative Writing. Twilight was a book I studied extensively due to its immense success. Not to write a bestseller myself, but rather to explore the psychology behind why people crave it. Here is what I found out:

People obsess over escapism. They love the idea of “What if I do X,” or “What if Y happens? Then what?” We love that in one decision, our boring, mundane life can change forever. Oh, and we love relatability — something we can see ourselves doing.

Twilight had both escapism and relatability. Why do you think Bella was so drawn to Edward? Sure, he was a vampire designed to draw humans in and drink their blood but he was also so fascinating to her and her boring ass life living with her dad. The whole idea of a vampire realm would draw any woman in.

As readers, women loved getting lost in this story and immersing themselves in Bella’s situation. I had women tell me this. People get bored with their routine and want something shiny/new. If we can find something — someone, to open a new door of possibility, we gravitate towards them.

That’s where this article starts. People don’t want to date boring people. They want to date someone who is fascinating and takes them on a whole new adventure. Someone who makes them feel things they haven’t felt before. Someone who makes them curious as to what comes next.

Fascination Creates Desire

This is a very hot take, but I’m going to say it. I speak only the truth:

Women get mad at men for being overly sexual but in reality, it’s because they’re more fascinated by the sexual aspects of things than the story she’s trying to convey.

I am not saying the man should do this. I understand it’s frustrating. But it’s not like it’s a choice that he is curious about the sexual aspect of things, then the story you want him to read about you.

It’s like when a movie trailer comes on that doesn’t look interesting, and then the director tells you, “Well, still watch it. Give it a chance, it’s good.”

Okay, maybe he’s right and it’s good. That doesn’t drive me to want to see a movie that doesn’t look fascinating. That’s the reality.

The motivation has to be at the forefront instead of worked for. Men just don’t dig into learning about you to get motivated more to learn about you. You have to give people reason to want to explore. That’s literally the opposite definition of attraction lol.

Men are looking for women who are that missing puzzle piece in their lives—someone who shakes up their world and opens a new door. While that’s hard to do, it gives you the most incredible advantage over any woman in the dating world.

What’s Your Story? What Makes You “Click?”

How do we begin? What do we do?

If men are looking for women who are that missing puzzle piece, it means they’re going to date a woman within their Tribe. He already knows how he wants his life to unfold; he just needs to find the right partner. Perferably someone who:

  • Is part of his tribe
  • Is fascinating
  • Helps him get closer to his ideal life

If you’re unfamiliar with this concept of a Tribe, you can find my guides here, where I discuss it in more detail. If not, I will give you a simple definition:

A Tribe is a group of people or an identity you sense a deep belonging with. As in, your identity is tied up in this group. So it should be of something important.

If I’m a nerdy introvert who enjoys gaming, I’m not looking for a bubbly extrovert who attends sports events every weekend. Instead, I am looking for someone like me, but who can show me something fascinating that I didn’t know existed within my tribe.

For example:

  • If you meet a man who travels to your country and you’re a local who loves traveling, you will instantly be drawn to each other. You will be incredibly fascinating and show him things only locals know. You will give him a rare experience and build a connection. You will then travel together (I have witnessed this experience many times).
  • You’re both into video games, and he discovers you’re a game developer or trying to develop a game. He’ll likely find that very admirable and fascinating, and he wants to know more about game development. He checks out your game and is amazed at how much he likes/enjoys it.
  • You find a man who loves to grill, and you love to cook. You can bond over your love for food, but also share things that will ultimately improve the quality of your cooking and skills.

The next thing is that no matter what you add, have a story behind it, whether that’s:

  • Why are you passionate about this thing?
  • How did you develop the skill to do this?
  • How did you get from where you were to where you are?

All these should be told in story form. The best way to approach it is to think of your life as a story with a plot and a twist. Bring a man along for a ride. If we use the above examples:

  • It takes more than just telling a guy you like to travel. He must experience something with you relating to travel that brings him down he rabbit hole.
  • Talking about games is great, but letting him in on the developer side of gaming and even helping him design a game (something he wanted to do but never knew where to start) would be amazing.
  • Telling him your favorite food and why you like to cook is great, but cooking techniques and making dishes he has never tried has you two go on a journey to find and try authentic food within its own culture.

The goal is to add depth and layers to things that you both find fascinating, to the point where he wants to learn more about them. Not just boring “Tell me about yourself.” You have to lure people in first.

We gravitate toward people with whom we share similar interests. We commit to people who add to/enrich our lives.

Tell A Passionate Story

Humans connect through stories and experiences. Live a life so fun that the reason you want a relationship is you want to share this awesome experience with someone. What you have is passionate.

So far, we’re connecting through stories and experiences. We’re not just asking people questions; we are living it. He’s curious, intrigued, and fascinated. He wants to learn more about you.

The next thing is passion. We need enthusiasm. No one wants to listen to a monotone narrator of their favorite audiobook. No one wants to go on a date with someone who is lifeless. Add energy to everything you do.

To start, to convince a man to go down the rabbit hole, you have to sound convincing. What sounds better:

Him: “Hey, how was your day?”

You: “It was good. Tired. How was yours?”

Or…

Him: “Hey, how was your day?”

You: “You won’t believe what just happened.”

You need to be fun to be around. Bring it up a notch. Do you have to be like this all the time? Of course not. But it’s noticed when it is. Even someone like me, who is extremely chill and introverted, would like something like this. Just don’t make it drama. I don’t care about your coworkers or the rude guy on the bus. Make it interesting.

If you want to go to the extreme, what is the story behind you, him being with you, and that you two are going on?

Every great story has a simple flow: life starts normally, something happens that changes everything, tension builds, a big turning point occurs, and then a new normal is established. If you share your story in this way, people naturally lean in because they’re wired to want to know what happens next.

Here are examples based off what we’ve been using:

The Tourist And The Local:

A man needs to escape life. Feels trapped in his job. He decides to take a small trip where he meets a beautiful local (you) who also loves traveling. Not only that, but you know all the hidden gems tourists never find. You show him secret spots, teach him about your culture, and give him an experience no guidebook could offer. As he gets to know you, he’s drawn into your adventurous spirit. The real turning point comes when you suggest traveling to another city together, and he eagerly says yes. After that trip, you’re no longer just a local girl he met — you’re the woman who changed the entire course of his journey.

The Gamer And Developer:

He spent most of his nights getting lost in video games, sometimes playing too much, wondering if he had any real purpose. Then he met you — a woman who not only loved gaming but was actually creating her own. He was amazed when he played your game and saw the depth of your story and design. For the first time, gaming wasn’t just an escape — it became something inspiring. Motivated by you, he started learning how to create games too, and working on your passions together brought you closer than he ever expected.

The Cook And Griller:

He loved grilling — it was his thing. But everything changed when he met you, a woman who was just as passionate about cooking. It started with swapping tips and favorite recipes, but quickly grew into weekend cook-offs, daring each other to try new styles and flavors. The real turning point came when you planned a trip together — traveling to different cities (and even different countries) to experience authentic food cultures firsthand. From smoky street tacos in Mexico to rich handmade pastas in Italy, you turned your shared love of food into a real adventure. Cooking wasn’t just something you did anymore — it became a bond that deepened with every new place, every new dish, and every memory you created along the way.

If you think this is corny or too much, that’s fine. I understand but do know that your relationship with this guy is a story whether you think it is or not. It will play out for good or bad based on how the story unfolds. Might as well make it worth reading/watching.

If you’d like to work together and have me as your dating coach, please click the link here.

5 Signs Men Like You But No Enough For A Relationship

“The most dangerous man isn’t one who doesn’t like you — it’s the one who keeps you around with no future in mind.”

Do you know what’s funny? I’ve been doing some thinking and realized that women don’t lose time to men who hate them, they lose time to men who “kinda” like them.

The men who find her interesting but are still unsure about her. God forbid he lets you go and regrets it. That’s why he would rather keep you around at your expense, so he doesn’t have to worry about making a mistake.

You’re taking the full burden of risk. That’s why I wanted to write this article. I want to show you what I believe are the top 5 clearest signs that you’re talking to a guy using you as an insurance policy.

**If you want to work with me, please click the link here.**

He Is Great At Buying Time

Have you heard any of these phrases before:

  • Let’s go with the flow.
  • Let’s play it by ear and see what happens.
  • I like to take things so and let it happen naturally.
  • I’m open to a relationship only if it’s with the right person.

These are what I like to call “Buying Time” phrases. They’re phrases that men use to get more time to entertain the assets you offer without paying for the cost of a relationship.

Here is the way a lot of men work:

If he likes you and the assets you offer BUT is unsure about a relationship, he’s not going just to cut you off. He’s in an excellent position and knows you’re hopeful of something manifesting. He’s going to throw in these phrases to give you hope which buys him more time. In reality, he already has his answer.

You know this is happening to you when you feel it’s:

  • Not progressing, and instead, you’re hearing these phrases.
  • The only reason you aren’t in a relationship is him (everything else is okay).
  • Some of these other signs below are also at play.

Great In Person, Horrible Away

I have many clients who come to me and say, “When we are together, it’s great, but when he’s away, he never texts or initiates.”

I also have clients say, “He never initiates, but when I do or ask about plans, he immediately answers and says yes.”

This is a person who takes you for granted. The more important question, though, is why?

Men who are unsure about women tend to invest less in resources to save. If he doesn’t see you long-term and feels he already has you, why would he invest more and get the same outcome?

I can understand it’s confusing because you’re getting mixed signals but there is a reason.

When you’re away, you’re not a priority. It’s not urgent. He can’t get what HE wants when you’re away. So text is minimal. However, he still needs to make sure your needs (to some extent) are met so when you reach out and text or make plans, he’s going to text back and agree because it will benefit both of you when in person.

He’s Semi-Consistent

As mentioned above, men are conserving resources. What’s important though is what is he doing with those resources? All that extra time, energy, money, and so on.

You already know he’s talking to other women.

You have to look at his logical thinking: If I’m unsure about you, don’t see you long-term, and have all these resources, why wouldn’t I consider talking to someone else?

Men don’t take themselves off the market for women they don’t see a future with. They’ll entertain you here and there but he’s definitely talking to others.

He’s Still On The Apps

I shouldn’t even have to put this here, but it’s such an obvious sign that it can’t be overlooked. And here is the funny thing:

Many of you will catch a guy still on the apps and confront him, but believe him when he says, “I never get on there, it’s just on my phone.” Yeah ok. The primary reason to use an app is to connect with the opposite sex. If you’re satisfied with your present partner, no need for it.

To contradict myself a little, I do believe that to some extent, you shouldn’t get off the app unless you’re taken off the market. If a guy hits you with this, he’s technically right.

My rule of thumb is if you two are connecting well, it’s progressing, you have been talking for 6 weeks and both want a relationship, you should have a talk about getting off the apps. If you see a man on the apps in the first month, I would let slide.

The Relationship Is Ongoing But Not Progressing

There is a significant difference between the time you two have been dating (quantity) and the quality of your progress and growth towards a relationship. It’s very important you know the difference.

I have seen people talk for months but not get any closer to a relationship. they thought things were going well because they get along, see each other every week, and have a good time, but still remain single.

Please don’t fall for that trap. You need progression. Look at the chart below. Don’t fall for the left.

In my opinion, by the 4–5 date mark, you should start to see some type of progression in questions, opening up, and personalities meshing, among other things.

If you’re at the 2 month (8 week) mark and you aren’t in a relationship, it’s time to talk. I truly believe any time after that is borrowed time and he’s unsure about you.

Men who like you won’t keep you on the market. Men know very early what they want from you.

If you want to work with me, please click the link here.