Post Category → His Tactics

5 Cold-Blooded Reasons Men Ignore You Despite Things Going Well

“He won’t tell you this, but emotional closeness can trigger a man’s deepest fears — especially if he’s not ready to face them.”

Nothing is worse than getting blindsided by a man pulling away when things were going well. Your mind is racing and you’re trying to find answers to a situation that doesn’t make sense.

Luckily, this is a common problem I see as a dating coach and in this article, I will try to lay out everything you need to know.

We will discuss:

  • Reasons why men ignore you that are going to shock you.
  • The weird and backwards psychology for ignoring you.
  • What you can do about it to keep your value, dignity, and make him regret it.

If you want to prevent this and learn how to come off high-value in dating, check out my free High-Value guide here.

The Backwards Reasoning Why He’s Ignoring You

You would think that if things were going well between two people who liked each other, you’d continue until you’re in a relationship right?

Well, what if I told you that was why he pulled away?

Many men like the idea of a relationship and the assets you offer, but when it becomes relatity, he realizes he can’t give you a relationship and that he’s not “ready.”

As weird as this is, it’s VERY common in my line of work. I have countless women come to me where the guy does the following:

  •  Courts her.
  • Says he wants a relationship.
  • Is consistent.
  • Future plans.
  • Invest in her.
  • Then pulls away and starts to fade in the distance.

You’re essentially talking to an emotionally unavailable man. Liking you and wanting a relationship are two completely different things. Although he said he wants a relationship, it’s different saying it early on. 

It’s like if I say, “ I want my dream car.” Then someone shows up and let’s me drive it and you can see by my expression and mannerisms I love this car. I have never drove anything like it. But when the person tries to sell me the car, I am having second thoughts. 

Your situation is no different. 

Think of it like this: if you’re talking to an emotionally unavailable man, the better it is, the more likely he will pull away. 

Why?

Because he painted a picture so amazing and a life so ideal that he feels obligated to commit and that itself is the pressure that pushes him away. Trust me, this is the ONLY reason a man truly pulls away when things are going well. 

I understand if you have some questions:

  • Why is he doing this after the fact?
  • Did he mean anything he did and said?
  • Does he feel bad?

We know that the reality of a relationship coming to fruition is what made him take a step back. But let’s dive deeper into it by going to the next reason.

The Emotionally Unavailable Man Has A “Halfway” Point

Men don’t pull away early on because there is no reason to. He likes you, is trying to get to know you, and may believe he wants a relationship.

However, to get those things he desires (you and the assets you offer), he must invest four things:

  • His time with you.
  • Effort (initiating, planning, getting to know you, etc).
  • His energy in the interactions (enthusiasm, having fun, smiling, and transferring that to you).
  • And his money to pay for dates and so on.

These four things create a concept I call context:

The things you two do and say over time that layer and create a more serious vibe in a relationship.

Context includes:

  • Sex or any intimacy.
  • Consistency.
  • Frequency.
  • Meeting friends and family.
  • The pace.
  • Future planning.
  • Exclusivity talk.
  • Leaving things over each other’s houses.
  • And many other things.

Early on, context isn’t built. It’s just two people who like each other and the assets you offer. However, as time goes on, the context builds up and if you’re both healthy and emotionally available that’s great. If someone isn’t, they get in their own head.

That explains the this and the previous point.

From my experience, this happens around the halfway point—around 4–5 dates.

The male logic isn’t that dates or contacting you is what bothers him. It’s what it represents. 

This means he knows that if we continue down the path we’re going, my actions tell you I am on the same page as you and everything is okay when in reality, it’s not.

This is where men feel pressure and start to pull away. The unfortunate thing is how men justify it and what they do net.

He Found Someone Else That Causes The “Respark”

Remember how context layers build up over time? If he’s emotionally unavailable, he will hesitate to continue with you. You may try to convince him to take it slow or communicate along the way but that never helps.

It doesn’t matter how you handle it. If he feels like whatever you’re doing is moving toward a relationship, he will pull away eventually. It’s just a matter of time.

So, how does he reset that context? Well, he starts to talk to someone else. 

I always tell my clients that if a man isn’t investing in you, he’s investing elsewhere. A man who pulls away doesn’t completely take himself off the market, no matter what he tells you.

When he talks to someone else, he relieves pressure several ways:

  • He escapes the situation with you where he felt the pressure.
  • He talks to someone else, where no context is built (yet).
  • He learns from his lesson with you and sets parameters so he doesn’t fall into the same situation.

When this happens, a man starts slowly ending what he had with you and starting it with someone else. Is she the lucky one? Maybe, but the odds are strongly against her.

The odds of a man changing after being emotionally unavailable is rare. It takes years for that shit to heal and fix itself. In the above video, I explain why that’s the case. 

He’s Realizing He Doesn’t See You Long-Term

Completely moving on from the emotionally unavailable man in his head, another reason he’s ignoring you is he doesn’t see you long-term.

While this hurts, it happens to all of us.

In fact, I have an amazing article here that goes over the 5 main signs that a guy doesn’t see you long-term and the tactics he uses. I feel it will help you out a lot. 

There is this four-step process men go through before committing to a girl:

Get a date: Men want to get a date to see if 1) he can get you because he likes you and 2) sees where it goes. So far, so good.

Get consistency: For it to go anywhere, it has to have some type of consistency. This is how we build attraction, rapport, and get comfortable with the next step.

Make it feel like a relationship: It would be great if you two were on the same page. But this is the end if someone is having second thoughts about getting to know you and not seeing you long-term.

Men get very picky here. What you’re essentially asking him is to go against his nature and to become monogamous. If you want to learn how to get him to do this, read this article here. 

Men put women through several test at this point to make sure she’s the one. The main test is what I call the “Future Test.” This is where he puts you in certain scenarios in his mind and explores how they play out. Some of these include:

  • How you handle family gatherings.
  • How you two raise your kids.
  • Values and morals.
  • How you handle stressful situations.
  • What it’s like waking up to you and the kids on a Sunday morning.
  • How you handle stressful times.
  • How you help him when he needs you the most.
  • How will the attraction play out decades from now?

If he doesn’t wear a smile on his face during this, you’re most likely out.

There are five things every man is looking for long-term:

  • Are you very attractive to him?
  • Are you the best option?
  • Do you make his life better by being in it?
  • Do you challenge him and make him want to be better?
  • Do you have more asses than liabilities? Are they worth the cost?

You’re in good hands if you have all five and he wants a relationship.

He’s Taking You For Granted

The last reason he’s ignoring you is he’s taking you for granted. 

I wouldn’t say he’s ignoring you if this is the case, he just is too comfortable and feels you’re not going anywhere.

If that is the case it’s because you’re way too available to him and he feels like he has you. There are two reasons for this:

The first one he has free access to you. Men are designed to chase. You must make a man playfully chase you. I teach how and why here.

There needs to be time in between the chase and the reward. As soon as you give him instant gratification, he has no reason to work for it anymore:

The second and more common reason is you have him variables that tell him it’s okay to take you for granted because you’re not going anywhere and like him more than he likes you. 

These things include:

  • Giving too many chances.
  • Doing more work than he is.
  • Not being courted (during the date stage) anymore.
  • Him coming back after leaving before.
  • Always fighting and sticking around.
  • Putting up with bare minimum.
  • Him pushing your limits and boundaries.

If you feel you’re being taken advantage of, I highly suggest you read this article on becoming more mysterious and this article on being cold to get him to regret it. 

We’re resourceful creatures. We want to save on resources (time, energy, effort, and money). We look for “variables” to adapt a new gameplan to do so. 

The more variables he has, the more likely it is to happen. You must keep a man on his feet. Always keep a man courting you. As soon as he’s not, it’s going downhill. 

5 Desperate Things Men Do When They Realize They Lost You.

“A man rarely knows what he has — until you stop giving it to him.”

If you’re finally done with a guy but want to know if you:

  • Got into his head
  • Made him squirm
  • Made him regret everything

Then this article is for you.

There’s a moment in every relationship where the tables turn. The texts slow down—your energy shifts. And without warning, he feels it.

That’s when you start to see his behavior change — not because he suddenly figured out your worth, but because he fears the consequences of losing what he thought would always be there.

In this article, I will break down the five things men instinctively do when they realize they’re losing you — through the lens of psychology, biology, and a little bit of hard-earned wisdom.

If you want my free guide on skyrocketing your value, click here.

Let’s get into it.

They Dangle False Hope

“In the eyes of a man, a confused woman, is a hopeful woman.”

Have you ever talked to a guy who never gave you a straight answer? He’d beat around the bush with comments making you feel like he hears and understands where you’re coming from, but never truly commits or changes.

Have you heard any of these phrases?

  • Let’s see what happens.
  • I’m trying.
  • I like you but (insert excuse).

Or has he done any of the following:

  • Gave you mixed signals?
  • His actions and words don’t align. As in, he will say one thing but do another.
  • He will step up for a bit, then go back to doing the thing you were upset about in the first place.

If that’s the case, you’re talking to a man who wants to confuse you. In this instance, a confused woman likes the guy and wants to give him the benefit of the doubt, but can’t fully grasp what he’s doing or what he’s about because he’s not completely leaning in or out. He’s just drifting along with you.

This is a powerful tactic men use because we know you like us. We know you don’t want to regret your decision. We know you want it to work out. You’re looking for that key component that gives you the clear “yes” or “no.” But you must analyze things again when a guy steps up, gives you mixed signals, and throws you guard with some sweet words.

These men are amazing at giving you hope that he will change and that things will get better and because of this, you stick around. It’s much easier for you to decide if you saw the writing on the wall for what it is. 

It’s better to move on, though. Check out this article, “Why Men Never Commit To Hopeful Women.”

He’s A Front Runner

What is a Front Runner?

A front runner is someone who changes/adapts long enough to get the outcome that they want. They are full throttle until they have you hooked. Then they go back to how they originally were.

If you have told a guy a concern or problem you’re having in the relationship and he said he will change and did for about two weeks before going back to his old ways, you’re man is a front runner. 

He keeps going back to this simple habit loop:

Why does he though? 

You could list the typical response we have when trying to fix habits:

  • The changes are too big
  • There wasn’t a clear reward to replace the previous one

But I think it’s deeper than that. I personally think:

  • He doesn’t care as much.
  • It’s easy to do this instead of worrying about your feelings.
  • He doesn’t value the relationship.

If you have to correct a guy multiple times ON SOMETHING THAT IS BOTHERING YOU, he’s not your guy, and it’s time to move on.

The Ultimate Gaslighter

Ah my favorite, the gaslighter. These men argue to win not to solve problems. Sadly, I know many of you are being gaslit and don’t even realize it. I can’t tell you how many client stories I hear where they’re getting gaslit and don’t even know it’s happening.

One of men’s best tactics is combining multiple things in this article to support their gaslighting you at the end.

For example, you’re talking to a guy who says he will change but doesn’t (tactic one) then he will front run and go back to his normal way (tactic two). When you realize it and ain’t having it and pull away, he will confront you and say: 

“You’re the one who pulled away and said you’re done. I never leave, it’s always you. You saw I tried, yet it’s never good enough for you.”

His tactic will look something like this:

It’s much easier for him to gaslight you and make you seem crazy for leaving if he makes minimal attempts that he can point back at to use as evidence for you being in the wrong.

Please don’t fall for this ladies. It’s crazy that you have to ask men to do the bare minimum to maintain a relationship.

He “Steps” Up

This is probably the only good thing a man can do when you’re done and pulling away. That is a man stepping up.

Stepping up is like another response system we have to threat. We all know of the “fight or flight” response. I feel that men also have this response when it comes to dating and mating.

For example, Mate Value Discreprency refers to whether one person is seen as more desirable (more attractive, higher status, more resources, etc.) than the other, there’s a mate value gap — or discrepancy.

Based on this gap several things will happen. If you’re the higher of the two you may:

  • Start looking elsewhere
  • Be more likely to cheat
  • Second-guess the relationship
  • Demand more out of the person

However, if you’re the lower number, you have this fight-or-flight response on handling the situation to close the gap. While there are many things you can do, the two I want to touch on are:

  • You can be territorial and push other men away/use tactics to keep her
  • Step the f*** up 

If you step up and follow through, that is ultimately the best way to close the gap and make the person feel better about being in the relationship.

Check out this article: “3 Things That Make Men Commit Despite Mother Nature Making Us Non-Monogamous.”

He Moves It To Friendship

You’d think this isn’t a bad idea from the guy. Hell, you may feel yourself this is the best thing for you two do because while you care for him, you’re not good as a couple.

This is the worst thing you can do. 

Hear me out, I am not saying you can’t be friend with your ex. You absolutely can. Don’t be too quick to friendzone yourself unless you know what he’s trying to work up behind the curtains.

I know a lot of men who decide to be friends for the sole reason of still having contact with her to deploy their true intentions. You must remember that a man can’t perform his “act” unless he’s in proximity. He can’t get any benefits if you’re away.

If he can’t fix these little things you’re asking to keep the relationship alive, why would he care about what you want as a friend? He may act like he does (front running), but I see a man still has contact with you but doesn’t have to pay the cost of a relationship.

And guess what? He’s hoping that you’ll cave and sleep with him while being in your proximity. 

I may be a cynic but I see this ALL THE TIME. Don’t be friends if a guy can’t change to make the relationship work. 

Here Is What Men Don’t Tell You After Sex: What Becomes Of You

Fact: A majority of men know what they want with you before having sex. Men know what category you’re in by the end of the first (maybe second) date. Way before having sex.

Women sometimes find this hard to believe because it goes against their natural thinking: “We can get to know each other and build a connection. We can see where things go.”

Yeah, that’s not how it works for men.

Men are what we call the “offerers.” This means men choose who they offer to court, while women are the “choosers.” Because of this, men must be resourceful and need to know the following:

  • Who they’re investing in (by our standards).
  • What we want from that person (relationship, sex, validation, etc).
  • How much are we willing to invest based on that person, what we want, etc.

**If you want to work with me as a coach, please click the link here.**

I know this doesn’t sound sexy, and for many of you, it may sound defeating, but I think it’s good news for a couple of reasons:

Sleeping With Him Doesn’t Change The Outcome

For one, sleeping with someone early or late, in terms of their attraction for you, doesn’t matter. While I don’t think you should sleep with a person early for multiple reasons (more in terms of courtship and power dynamics), it’s not the deciding factor on whether a guy ends up with you or not.

If a man wants a relationship and sees you as a potential girlfriend, it doesn’t matter to him if you sleep with him date one or date nine.

We Know The Importance Of First Impressions

I feel relieved knowing where I need to perform and be my best. A lot of women may feel that’s too much pressure. A first impression is essentially “one chance” to get it right. Don’t worry, it’s not that concrete.

You don’t have to have anywhere near as close to a perfect first impression as you think. You can make mistakes, fumble over words, not look 100% and so on.

It’s the overall vibe that a man likes:

  • Did I have fun?
  • Did I find her attractive?
  • Would I see her again?
  • How was the chemistry?

If it was good enough, he has no problem putting you into the “potentinal” GF category and exploring where it goes.

There is a spectrum. You don’t have to come out and hit the ground running. You have to do enough just to get into the category. The problem is when you don’t do enough.

Then what happens?

If you’re talking to a guy who went on a date and liked some things, and not others, you’re going to become an FWB. Maybe he finds you attractive, but doesn’t share any similar interests, for example.

It’s when you don’t click many boxes and he finds you attractive that he still may keep you around for assets. Obviously FWB for the physicality of the relationship.

This means a guy is thinking, “She was okay. I found her hot, though, so I will still talk to her. But I don’t see her long-term.”

Men will continue to talk to you for as long as you two are okay or you bring up the fact of a relationship.

The question I often get is:

Okay but while we’re FWB, can it become more? What if he likes me more down the road? Can we become a couple?

Technically, yes, you could and I have seen it. But it’s rare. The reasons it’s rare are the following:

  • The things he didn’t like/that were missing still haven’t changed.
  • If he’s talking to you and getting the benefits of a relationship without paying the cost of a relationship, why would he progress to more?

Women will push me on this and say, “Well, I won’t give him the benefits then. I won’t sleep with him.”

Okay, then why in the Hell would he stay? He already doesn’t see you as girlfriend potential and the thing he wants, you’re not giving him (not that he’s entitled to it. he’s not). It goes back to what I said earlier: he’s just wasting resources and investing in someone who is neither on the same page.

How Is This Different From Women?

Many women may read this and feel that this is their frame of thinking. You categorize men and only talk to men you see as compatible.

While this is true, I think there are several differences:

  • Men are more savage when it comes to their placements. Once you’re in a category, it’s hard to leave. For many women, a guy can build a connection with her in her eyes and move up from there.
  • While women put men in categories, it’s more subconscious. Men are more consciously active with it.
  • Women don’t really keep men around and sleep with them when they don’t see a future with them. Men do.
  • Men will put you in that category after one or two dates. Women want to get to know a guy before telling him, “Hey you’re a nice guy I just don’t feel the connection.” Men will literally not feel it on the first date and then continue to talk to you as an FWB without you even realizing it.

How The Categories Work

In my opinion, there are three categories:

  • FWB: I like the assets she has but I don’t see her long-term. We aren’t compatible long-term.
  • GF Material: I like the assets she has and I see her long-term.
  • Friend Zone: She doesn’t have the assets I am looking for in a long-term partner but I like being around her and feel compatible to her.

A better way to put all this is:

Once you’re in a category, it’s tough to move out, but you can always move to a worse one. For example:

If you’re GF material but he isn’t feeling you like he thought, he’d still keep you around for a FWB. If you’re a FWB but you’re getting attached, he may pull away and brand you as friends to let you down easy.

I guess it’s easy to go from friend to FWB but FWB to GF is hard to achieve. It’s not worth it in my opinion.

I already mentioned how he has no reason to commit if he’s already getting the relationship benefits without paying the cost. But what’s also important to remember is how much YOU will invest to move higher up. He won’t invest inyou moving up to a GF when he’s already living the good life. That will be you initiating, reaching out, planning, and keeping things afloat.

Which by the way, reinforces to him that he has you. All the more reason to keep you as an FWB because he feels you’re not going anywhere.

Again, it’s not worth it.

If you like what I say here and want to work with me, whether you have a particular situation or are generally dating, please click the link here. I’d love to work with you.

Why Men Never Commit To Hopeful Women (He Doesn’t Need To)

“You don’t get offers by hoping — you get offers by being the prize.”

If you aren’t his girlfriend in 8 weeks, the following has happened:

  • He’s unsure about you but wants the benefits.
  • He’s taking advantage of the fact that you like him so much.
  • He’s not afraid of losing you.
  • He likes you but doesn’t see you long-term.

That’s right. Men know early on if you’re girlfriend material or not. If you’re not officially together in two months, he’s taking advantage that you’re hoping to get the title as girlfriend.

In this article, I am going to tell you why men rarely commit to hopeful women and why you should cut men off at eight weeks.

Women Love Deeper And Are Outcome-Dependent

It’s not that women are “clingy” or “too emotional” — it’s that they’re biologically wired to be more selective and commitment-focused. And when you understand the evolutionary forces behind this, it all starts to make perfect sense.

Women bear the cost of reproduction. I know that sounds ridiculous now in modern times with contraception and an abundance of safety and resources. But our lizard brains still operate in a way that avoids harm/risk and seeks pleasure.

However, from an evolutionary perspective, this means one bad choice in a man could risk her life, her child’s life, and her survival chances. So women evolved to seek out men who wouldn’t just provide pleasure — but protection, provision, and presence. When a woman sleeps with a man that doesn’t commit, we’re essentially roleplaying what our ancestors went through back then when things were more uncertain.

According to Parental Investment Theory the sex that invests more in offspring becomes more selective in mate choice. In humans, that’s women — by a long shot.

  • A man can impregnate multiple women in a week and never see the children. Sounds horrible but Mother Nature gives two shits about morals and values. Just reproduce.
  • A woman can get pregnant once, and she’s locked into nearly a year of risk, followed by years of caregiving.

That’s why women evolved to seek commitment first and sex second, while men often evolved in the reverse order — sex first, commitment optional unless the woman proves she’s worth it.

For our ancestors, having sex with the wrong man could cause casualties:

  • You’re more prone to predators.
  • Other men ostracise you.
  • You may need the village to help you.
  • You need more nutrients and resources.
  • Health concerns during birth.
  • The chances of the child’s survival are based on your stress, health, and resources.

For men, casual sex was an evolutionary opportunity. For women, it was a potential death sentence.

Historically, if a woman got pregnant by the wrong man — one who disappeared or refused to help — she and her child could die. So women developed instincts for detecting red flags, testing a man’s reliability, and attaching to men who showed signs of staying power.

This is why hopeful waiting doesn’t work — because unless a man is given a reason to invest, his biology doesn’t push him to. But a woman’s biology? It pushes her to attach, to bond, to build something long-term.

A Confused Woman Is A Hopeful Woman

With all this being said, women weren’t dumb. They didn’t want to date men who had a reputation for leaving. Therefore, they were choosier. That was their strategy, at least. 

This is how courtship came to what it is today. Men were are the “offerers” because traditionally, we had the resources and had to invest in women to prove we weren’t going to leave. Women are the “choosers” picking the best mate that they believed will stick by their side and give her the highest chance of success.

Men knew this and came up with a counter-strategy:

Instead of committing, men were okay with investing. They would invest a lot. Just enough to make a woman believe he was who he said he was and to sleep with him. The goal men had was they knew as long as you slept with them and were hopeful of relationship, you’d stick around.

That’s because you were at risk (back then) for leaving while being pregnant. You were dependent on him.

Today, men do this but focus more on you being hopeful and bet on the fact that you may “regret” pulling away because you’re getting mixed signals. 

If a man were to tell you, “There is no way on God’s beautiful green Earth we will be together. I don’t want a relationship,” it hurts, but it’s easier to move on.

Instead, he tells you a lot of “buying time” phrases:

  • Give me more time.
  • Let’s see what happens.
  • I like you a lot, I just ain’t ready yet.
  • I like where this is going let’s talk about it again in a month

You get the idea. A woman isn’t going to leave in this situation because she’s hopeful things will change. That’s where a man will always win.

As long as you never get an answer (meaning you’re unsure, confused, or uncertain about what’s going on), you will stick around to see an outcome. Men know this.

Taking The Burden Of Risk

“If he gets girlfriend privileges without commitment, why would he upgrade the deal?”

With all that being said, who is more at risk? You or him? I constantly tell my clients that dating is a game of risk avoidance. It’s about getting what you want without getting taken advantage of. 

If you’re someone sticking around and it already feels like a relationship, let me ask you two questions:

  • What would he get from committing to you that he can’t get elsewhere or that he’s not already getting from you?
  • What is the urgency of committing if you’re not going anywhere?

After 8 weeks, the woman takes the risk of sticking around. By this time, he’s probably eliminated all risk, meaning:

  • He’s probably not investing like he used to.
  • You’re not talking to anyone else.
  • You’re still putting him on a pedestal when you speak to others.
  • You’re hooking up.
  • He has you hopeful.
  • He’s not worried about competition.

Essentially, you’re talking to a guy who can have his cake and eat it too because he’s realizing at this point there is no risk in deciding to keep you on the market, so why not take that “risk?”

You, on the other hand, are taking a huge risk because you’re taking yourself off the market and giving a man all these benefits, who’s not even your boyfriend.

This hurts you because:

  • It drains you mentally and emotionally.
  • Hurts the ego.
  • Lowers your value.
  • He takes you for granted.
  • You’re getting played.
  • You’re wasting time.

What are you going to do about this? 8 weeks is the limit. Don’t go past 10 (at most).