Why Do I Keep Getting Ghosted: 5 Things That Eerily Increase The Chances Of Him Disappearing

If you have asked yourself, “Why do I keep getting ghosted?” You’re not alone. The funny thing is, most people get ghosted when things are going well.

Getting ghosted is one of the worst feelings, especially when you thought things were going well. Humans love clarity and transparency and someone robbed you of that.

Do you want to know what feels worse?

Always getting ghosted and never getting that closure.

If this is happening to you, you’re not alone. It is a lot more common than you think. In my line of work, people are constantly getting ghosted.

That’s the reason I decided to write this article, where we’re going to go over:

Why people ghost
Why you are constantly getting ghosted
What you can do about it

Before we start, if you want to jumpstart and master the dating fundamentals, please check out my free 9 guide series here. It will help you in every way possible.

Your Filtering Process Is Horrific

Filtering is everything when it comes to relationships. I have been a dating coach for over a decade, and I can tell you that the number one thing that saves you time, headache, and heartbreak is how good you are at filtering people.

Ghosting has nothing to do with you. You have to shift your mind and understand that it’s a horrible coping and escape process people have when accountability, confrontation, and responsibility come into play.

That’s why you never get ghosted early unless it’s a “wham-bam-thank-you-mam” type of interaction. The pressure and need to be held accountable and responsible isn’t there yet.

It’s just two people hanging out, having fun, and hooking up (until it isn’t anymore).

It has almost a 100% success rate if you’re good at filtering.

Yes, you heard that correctly. If you’re good at filtering people, you can prevent almost all of ghosting.

To help you with that, I already wrote a powerful and detailed article: Your 5-Step Filter Process For Dating Serious Men Only.

People give off so many signs that ghosting can come into play:

Newly single.
Talks a lot about an ex.
People in specific careers (yes, this is true): doctors, nurses, pilots, police officers, personal trainers, musicians, just to name a few.
Haven’t been in a relationship in a long time, but say they want one.
Inconsistent.
Too intense (no one, including you, is that special where if they’re telling you things that are too good to be true, they are).
Unsure what they want and use phrases like “go with the flow” or “see what happens.”
Long distance (can work, but statistically it’s more likely to happen). More on this later.

It’s never one thing that screams “Ghoster!” It’s an accumulation of them.

Ghosters Love Nice People

Ghosters love nice people. Especially when you understand how our species works as a whole:

The job of the organism is to survive and reproduce while avoiding risk along the way. When I want to survive (save on resources) and reproduce (find a mate), no one is easier than the nice girl who doesn’t make me invest, gives me multiple chances, and sees the good in people.

When you’re in the dating market, high-value people are that way for a reason:

They have assets people want and hold those assets in high regard, meaning you must invest heavily to get them. This caused them to be amazing at filtering out bullshit when it happens.

Suppose you’re a low-value, emotionally unavailable, narcissistic player, f-boy, or whatever. In that case, you’re not going to waste your time on those high-value assets that are locked behind a solid door.

You will go after the nice person who sees the good in you.

Why? Because they’re less risky (turning down someone), save you on resources (usually don’t invest as much), and give you multiple chances, which all benefit the Ghoster.

Listen, I know that sounds horrible and I agree. But what I am saying isn’t something subjective. It’s 100% objective. I have studied evolutionary psychology for over a decade. This is why it happens.

Ghosters choose friendly people because they’re selfish and it’s easier. It’s that simple. The stronger the barrier to entry, while having a good filter, the less likely it is that it will happen.

To go into this further, I have an article here: 5 Cold-Blooded Reasons Men Ignore Despite Things Going Well.

They’re Emotionally Unavailable

Emotionally unavailable people only have two decisions to make at the end of a situationship:

To pull away and let the person know they’re emotionally unavailable.
To ghost.

It will always be one of the two.

Emotionally unavailable people have a tough time committing, and what’s sad is they can genuinely like you and what you two had.

It’s usually like pulling a rug out from under you because you don’t see it coming.

The reason for this is that emotional unavailability lies dormant until necessary.

What I mean by this is it’s awakened by context: the things you do and say over time that create a serious relationship vibe.

These things include:

sex
consistency
dates
frequency
pace
future planning
meeting friend/fam
vulnerability
and much more

As I said earlier, when you start talking, it’s just two people hanging out, having fun, and hooking up. But over time, these things naturally happen and build substance in a relationship.

This substance makes someone feel pressured because they feel obligated to give you something they can’t.

This leads me to the following reason.

The Intensity Was Too Much

The crazy thing is that when people ghost, it more likely happens on either ends of the spectrum:

It happens when the relationship is sporadic, casual, inconsistent, and you have long gaps between seeing each other. This helps the ghoster justify just letting it go because it’s nothing substantial in the first place.
It can also happen when things are going well and everything feels right just like I pointed out above with the emotionally unavailable person, that causes pressure because they feel obligated to give you something they can’t, especially when things are amazing.

This is why you will see people sometimes go hot and cold or send mix signals. Mix signals scream:

“I want you and your assets, but I’m not sure where I see you long-term.” It balances things in the middle of the spectrum where they do just enough to get the assets you offer, but do not feel the intensity to take it further.

Mixed signals are their way of saying, “I want something when it’s convenient for me. Other than that, leave me alone.”

If you obey that, they may not ghost (early on) but will take advantage of you and you’ll be worse off long-term.

I don’t want you to think, “Okay, if I keep the right intensity, they will stay.”

No. A ghoster is a ghoster and it will happen no matter what it’s just a matter of time. The job is to filter these people out to prevent it from happening in the first place.

Here is an excellent article on the matter: Why do people ghost when things are going well.

The Logistics Favor Ghosting

A ghoster will ghost no matter what. It’s just a matter of time. However, in my line of work, I see patterns on when it is most likely to happen.

Logistics play a heavy role in whether someone is going to ghost or not because it helps them justify their actions instead of being accountable or confronted for such a weak move.

Some logistics include:

Long distance
Newly talking
Inconsistency
Early sex
Low number of dates
Agreeing to be casual/fwb
Them doing it before
Large gaps in between seeing eachother

The reason it’s most likely to happen in these scenarios is the person doesn’t have to confront you. In many of these if the person pulls away, they’re either going to:

Delete you on everything so they don’t have to chat about it
If they do chat about it, they’ll gaslight you or say they ran into some personal issues (blah blah blah).

Most of the time, a combined 2–3 points discussed on this list make it a surefire sign you’ll be ghosted.

If you’re in a situation where it’s long-distance and you never met but it’s intense, good luck.

It won’t end well if you’re talking to someone emotionally unavailable, but you’re moving fast or didn’t filter them correctly.

If the person you’re talking to says they want a relationship but haven’t had one in 3 years, and you live across the country, it won’t happen.

You get the idea.

Click the link here if you’re interested in working with me. I’d love to work with you.

Why Do Guys Ignore You But Still Watch Your Stories?

If you have ever wondered why do guys ignore you but still watch your stories on Instagram, I will let you know what he’s thinking.

Humans love clarity. That’s why, when a guy ignores you but still watches your stories, you can be confused and want to seek out answers.

I understand the pain and frustration you’re going through. As much as it hurts, you’d rather a guy completely cut you off and stop with the mixed signals so you can move on.

In this article, I will give you the clarity he won’t give you. We will go over:

What he’s thinking.
Why is he doing what he’s doing.
And what will come of all this.

The reason he’s ignoring you but watching your stories is that he wants to keep tabs on you and keep you confused for his benefit. Other times, he swipes through stories, and you are in the mix.

By the way, if you want him to see you as a high-value woman, please check out my FREE High-Value Guide by clicking here.

Let’s go over in detail what I mean by all this.

He Wants To Keep Tabs On You

This reason is probably the most complex because it sends the most mixed signals.

We’re talking about a guy ignoring you but still watching your stories.

Why though? Here is what I think:

It’s to ensure he didn’t make a mistake and still has access/control in some way to protect his ego.

He’s ignoring you for a reason, and there are many:

Playing games.
Doesn’t want a relationship.
You two are fighting.
You did no-contact or started it, and he’s following suit.
He doesn’t want to lead you on/you’re on different pages.
Ego/pride battle between you two.

There are many reasons why he may be pulling away or ignoring you. However, that doesn’t mean that was his best decision. He still may be wondering if it’s the best move. That’s why watching your stories gives him a hit of validation.

It is a way for him to gain insight on the consequences of his decisions without going back on them.

He can gain a lot of insight from your stories:

How are you doing with the whole ordeal.
Are you talking to anyone else?
What are you up to.

If you want to know why all this is crucial for him to know, I suggest you read this article:

5 Cold-Blooded Reasons Men Ignore You Despite Things Going Well.

Men want to make sure you feel the pain of him leaving while lowering the chances of him regretting leaving you. If he can keep tabs on what you’re up to but at the same time leave you confused about what he’s doing and why he’s doing it, he’s going to get the upper hand.

This leads me into my next point.

He Wants To Keep You Confused

I always say this powerful quote to my clients:

A confused woman is a hopeful woman.

If he’s ignoring you but watching your stories, you’re definitely going to get confused. When you’re confused, you want clarity and answers. This benefits him in several ways:

He may be the only one to give you that clarity. Or at least, you want it from him.
You’re wondering what the heck he’s doing.
If you’re feeling pain, him coming back can heal it (or you may think this).
Because you think this, you leave the door open for him so you can work things out.

I also tell my clients, “Hope is the anchor that keeps you at shore.”

If you’re confused, you may be hopeful. If you’re hopeful, you will have a harder time moving on, so you stick around. This benefits him.

It’s hard for a man to regret anything if he doesn’t have to reflect. He doens’t have to reflect if there are no consequences. There are no consequences if you do not do anything about it. That’s what he wants.

Check Out This Article: How To Get Him To Regret Leaving By Correctly Acting Cold

We’re risk-avoidant beings. I have no problem ignoring you if I know there is no consequence to my actions because there is no downside. I can’t regret if there is nothing to regret.

Confused women have a hard time moving on for this exact reason — that they don’t have “all the answers,” so they don’t want to regret making the wrong move.

I can’t tell you how many clients of my clients ask me:

When do you think he’s going to come back? Will he?
What’s he thinking right now?
Did I do anything wrong? What can I do differently next time?

Those are all the wrong questions. That’s why he can take his sweep time returning. There is no urgency because there is no threat in you leaving.

How does he know? Because he can still look at your stories. This tells him you’re not ready to let go. High-value women do not hold onto waste.

Most Of The Time, He’s Just Swiping

You’re not going to like this, but if you’re talking to a guy who is pulling back, you can tell he’s disengaging, and treating it casually, he’s probably just swiping and comes across your stories.

I always do this, where I am not looking for specific stories. I just came across them. Then I’d have her say, “Why are you looking at my stories? I see you.”

It was a complete accident. If you’re talking to a guy who has pulled away for a while, that’s exactly the reason here.

I will say something that may contradict everything I said up to this point. Not that what I said wasn’t true. But I feel the reasons are on two different sides of the spectrum:

He probably doesn’t care as much as you think. There is a reason he’s ignoring you. He doesn’t fear losing you or care to lose you. Any interaction you have with him after that is icing on the cake.

I really do want to give you the benefit of the doubt and say he cares.

Yes, he could be curious about what you’re doing, wanting to play games, and leave you confused for the benefit of controlling the situation and returning.

But you must ask yourself, “Why is he doing that? What’s the point?”

If you can’t find a good answer or the evidence doesn’t support your answer, then you’re just not being logical.

Because guess what? There is no point.

If a guy likes you, he won’t put himself in a position to lose you. That’s exactly what he’s doing here. You’re just too emotional to realize it.

For example, if he’s ignoring you but watching your stories, that’s cool and all but if he:

Hasn’t talked to you in awhile.
Talking to others.
Says he wants anything long-term.
Has done this before.
Doesn’t come back even though you’re begging.

Then it’s safe to assume he’s just looking at your stories as a byproduct to swiping through everyone’s stories.

There is no other reason. He’s just not sitting around justifying things. He’s not the one thinking, “I hope she doesn’t see me looking at her stories. I don’t want her thinking I am caving,” or anything like that.

I’d argue he cares so little that he doesn’t care what you think of him looking at your stories or not.

If you want to work with me
If you want my free guide on being high value
If you want my nine guides on everything dating

5 Surefire Reasons Why Your Boyfriend Doesn’t Want To Sleep With You

If you’re caught off guard and wondering, “Why doesn’t my boyfriend want to sleep with me,” you’re not alone. In this article, I will explain why men no longer want to sleep with their partners.

It’s alarming when you feel your partner pull away. The only worse thing is when your relationship lacks intimacy, which makes you feel undesirable.

You wonder what went wrong. Was it something you did? Can it be fixed? Does he love you anymore?

All these things can weigh down a relationship and keep it from progressing. When a man doesn’t want to sleep with you, alarms go off in your head.

Here is the thing:

The main reason men don’t want to sleep with their girlfriend anymore is often due to a drop in desire caused by several things, whether that’s not wanting a relationship, leading you on, someone else is in the picture, or overall stress.

If you’re interested in getting my free high-value guide where he sees you as a high-value woman to commit to, check it out here.

Let’s review the five main reasons to help you figure out the problem.

He Doesn’t Want To Lead You On

Why Doesn't My Boyfriend Want To Sleep With Me?

When a guy gets in his head and starts overthinking, he begins to pull back. The main reason he’s pulling back is that he’s unsure of you.

When men are unsure, they stop progressing and become idle in the relationship.

This means he stops:

Sleeping with you
Opening up
Courting you
Initiating
Future planning
Making effort
and so on.

The reason men do this is to avoid leading you on, which I know sounds weird, but let me explain:

Everything we do is a variable that creates context. Meaning if I am courting you, opening up, having sex, and having fun with you, you should assume things are okay. Men know this assumption and when they’re unsure about you, that’s what they’re trying to avoid.

Men don’t want you assuming things anymore because that pressures them to continue things when unsure.

If he’s unsure how to pull away and end it, how much harder do you think it will be if he went along with everything and then blindsided you with, “Hey I am not sure about this relationship?”

It’s harder for him to address the situation if you’re confused. No man wants to hear:

“You were having sex with me yesterday and telling me you love me, and now you’re confused?”

The main reason why your boyfriend doesn’t want to sleep with you is he doesn’t want to lead you on and put more pressure on himself if he breaks up with you.

Check out this article: Can A Man’s Feelings Really Change Overnight?

His Libido Is Dropping Or Sex Is Bland

Let me give you some interesting stats:

In the 1980s, average total testosterone levels for men were often between 600–700 ng/dL.
Many studies show average levels closer to 400–500 ng/dL, sometimes even lower.
Today, 300–350 ng/dL levels are common for men in their 20s and 30s. Half of what it was back in the day.

This overall drop in libido has a huge effect on men pursuing women. However, I don’t think this is the main issue.

I feel sexual media overstimulate men whether that’s porn, social media vids, Only Fans, stuff they see on tv and so on.

When a man is consistently stimulated over time, he becomes desensitized to that thing and builds up a tolerance. This causes him to look for more graphic things to stimulate him again. Rinse and repeat.

Back in the 80s and 90s the biggest thing were Playboys and Tapes of porn you had to go by. That is nothing compared to what you see today and what is easily accessible.

If your boyfriend doesn’t want to sleep with you, it could be because he doesn’t get the same effect that he used to, whether that’s because it’s “normal” to him or doesn’t stimulate him anymore.

He’s looking for more, which leads us to the next thing.

Check out: If You’re Always Available, You’ll Become Forgettable To Him.

Signs of low-libido being the problem are:

He lacks energy, drive, and motivation.
He has bad sleep, diet, and is sedentary.
Out of shape.
He’s getting older (starts to drop in our 30s).

He Doesn’t Want To Sleep With You, But Someone Else

If you’re wondering why your boyfriend doesn’t want to sleep with you, it could be a combination of the two previous points:

He could feel he’s leading you because he’s into someone else who stimulates him more.

I know that’s hard to hear, but that’s very common. If you and a guy have an amazing relationship where sex is the only issue and he’s not pulling away or anything, you’re probably okay.

However, if you feel he’s acting differently, pulling away, and disengaging, I will bet someone else is in the picture.

Something women don’t understand is for a HUGE majority of the time, men are always talking to a woman. That means if he’s not talking or pursuing you, he’s trying to talk to someone else. It’s in our nature.

Mother Nature didn’t design men to be monogamous. It doesn’t mean they can’t choose to be, but monogamy isn’t part of their default sexual strategy. Men can definitely be in a loyal relationship but if he’s pulling away from you.

You may like this article: How To Be So Interesting He Needs You In His Life.

You know this is the case when:

He changes out of nowhere.
The relationship overall may feel rocky.
He starts to gaslight you when you address the situation.
He’s pulling away in general.
He may be going out more or on his phone often.
He doesn’t initiate anything.

He Doesn’t Want To Sleep With You Because He’s Unhappy With Himself

The best organ in bed is indeed the brain. When we start overthinking, making assumptions, and being hard on ourselves, it’s hard to perform.

When we feel bad about ourselves, we get performance anxiety which kills erections. We start to think:

We can’t satisfy her.
She had better.
We’re not big enough.
I am not as experienced.
I am embarrassed.
I can’t get the previous disaster I had out of my head.

When a man is unhappy with himself and how he’s performing in bed, it’s logical for him to avoid what makes him more anxious and feeds the bad narrative he has in his head.

You know this is the case when:

He gives off vibes of being unhappy (mopey, unmotivated, lacks desire, no goals, self-blame, etc).
Other things are okay in the relationship, but when it comes to sex, he’s unenthusiastic about it.
He’s seeking validation from you and feels better when he gets validation.
Victimizes himself.

He Is Stressing Over Things In Life

Here is a fun fact: Men can’t get erections when they’re anxious or scared.

Sex is a luxury and is never put over survival. While a man’s life may not be in danger just for being anxious or scared, it still triggers the Fight-or-Flight response in us.

Stress kills a man’s mood. He may even be unable to get an erection.

Some like to use sex as a stress reliever. For others, if the stress is large enough, sleeping with you doesn’t even register to us.

There is a concept I call “Mental Stacks” where everyone has so many mental stacks, in this case, we have 100. Depending on how comfortable, familiar, and urgent task are, they take more or less mental stacks.

For example, if you’re trying to have a crucial call on the phone while driving to a place you have never been, your mental stacks will be extremely high. You’re going to focus a majority of them on those two tasks.

However, if you’re talking casually to a friend and going to a place you’ve been to a hundred times, those mental stacks will be low.

It’s no different with stress. For stress to be high, several things have to be true:

He have to care about the situation.
We have to care about the outcome.
We feel the outcome/situation affects us.

If this is all true, it will consume a large amount of his mental bandwidth, leaving little left to build attraction or even consider sleeping with you.

You know this is the case when:

He tells you he’s stress.
You look at his life and see where the stress comes from.

I’d love to help you with your situation and work with you. You can click here and schedule a session with me.

Can A Guy’s Feelings Change Overnight? A Scientific Explanation

Can a guy’s feelings change overnight if he genuinely likes you? I will give you the most in-depth explanation so you know exactly how he feels and what he’s thinking.

Can a guy's feelings change overnight?

What looks like sudden coldness is often the result of an emotional decision that’s been building for weeks — he just didn’t communicate it.

If you’re wondering what happened, you’re not alone. Things were going well, and suddenly, he’s pulling away, acting different, and telling you he’s unsure about the relationship.

Did his feelings change that quickly? What happened?

In this article, you’re going to learn:

Why did his feelings change in the first place?
How they changed.
A secret reason Why they change no one talks about.
If they can change that fast.
What he’s going to do next.

If you want my FREE high-value guide that helps women avoid these situations, please click the link here.

Let’s dive into what he’s thinking.

Yes, a guy’s feelings can change overnight. But that depends on many factors, including the reasons for the change, how long he’s been processing things, his goal with the change, and how much he liked you. But yes, a man’s feelings can change fast.

Why Did His Feelings Change In The First Place?

Can a guy's feelings change overnight?

A man’s feelings can change for a variety of reasons. However, it’s usually a “concoction” of things mixing together. These things include:

Blueprint Versus Reality Concept
Assets Versus Liabilities
Uncertainity (risk)

In this post, I thoroughly review all these things and explain why men don’t commit to you. But in a nutshell:

The concept of Blueprint versus Reality states that:

The futher our goal (blueprint) is from where we are in present time (reality), the more stress we feel and likely look for solutions.

In your case, you’re talking to a guy who:

Doesn’t see you long-term.
Lost attraction.
Doesn’t like how things turned out.
Doesn’t like where things are going.

If this is the case, it’s logical to look elsewhere for thing that can get us to our blueprint. If a guy’s feelings change overnight or extremely fast, he concludes that he doesn’t see you in his life down the road. To go further, the thing that caused him to change his feelings over night was a deep dive into what I call Assets Versus Liabilities.

Assets: The traits we want and desire in a partner. These traits include:

Attractiveness
Sex
Validation
Chemistry
Good communication
Nuturing
Same values
Same goals
Selflessness
And many other things.

Liabilities: These are the traits we do not want in a partner. These include:

Unattractive
Low libido/not having sex
Drama
Jealousy
Ego
Fights often
Gaslighting and bad communication
Plays games
Selfish
Tries to make you jealous
And many other things

Think of this as a list of pros and cons. Everyone has these and multiple of them. The best way I can explain it is to think of it as a bundle. Everyone comes with a bundle of pros and cons. It gets to the point with men where he asks himself, “Is it worth it anymore?”

These differences are what we call the cost.

If men aren’t willing to pay the cost, there is no reason to continue. It means the assets that he once desired are not worth it anymore. This means a man is uncertain about you and that doesn’t sound good when it comes to attraction. It tells him to look elsewhere.

The Real Reason His Feelings Changed Overnight

Can a guy's feelings change overnight

I discuss in this article here why men pull away/ghost when things are going well. It’s worth a read if this is happening to you. However, I want to get into the psychological barrier that happens when a man likes you but is emotionally unavailable.

I am willing to bet that your man’s feelings changed quickly, not because of the things I mentioned thus far, but because he got in his head due to overthinking and being emotionally unavailable to some extent.

Here is why I say that.

Emotionally unavailable men have this amazing way of courting you, acting as if nothing is wrong, and wanting a relationship until around the halfway point. Usually this is 4-6 weeks of dating. When they get to that point, they start to get in their head and freak out about a relationship.

But why now? Why not before?

Before the moment he freaked out, there was no context to freak out over. Context is what you two do and say that layers over time to create a serious vibe in the relationship. Context takes a while to build up. things that build context include:

Sex
Future planning
Consistency
Sleepovers
Meeting friends and family
Pace
Exclusive talk
Frequency of dates
How often you talk
And so on

The good news is you probably are/were talking to a guy who truly liked you. Everything was genuine and authentic. He meant what he said. As time goes on though, this stuff starts to get in his head. Emotional unavailability lies dormant in people who didn’t heal correctly from their past. They want what they have in front of them (you) but freak out when it gets real.

Can a guy's feelings change overnight

It gets to a point where he feels obligated to give you something because of how well and long things have been. This causes pressure and men begin to pull away. Trust me, this happens a lot more than you realize.

I am willing to bet if his feelings changed overnight or extremely fast, this is probably the reason. It’s a very common thing that happens with emotionally unavailable men.

His Feelings Changed. What’s Next?

Can A Guy's Feelings Change Overnight?

Unfortantely, he will set off on a journey to go discover what else is out there. I know this hurts to read and find out but let me tell you why he must do this.

You were talking to a guy who has this narrative in his head that he wants to break up. This narrative didn’t come out of nowhere. It came from what I call “evidence” or “variables.” These are little instances throughout the relationship that he gathered that helped him form and adapt a gameplan moving foward.

If he liked what he saw and it aligned with what he wanted, then great. If not, there is no reason for him to stick around. That means two things:

If you try to convince him to come back now, it will blow up in your face.
He has to see what it’s like with and without you to realize he messed up and keeping him from doing that will only worsen it.

This is the beginning of a man’s four-stage process:

can a guy's feelings change overnight

Stage One is what I call the Current Mood. He has the mindset to leave based on the realization that he’s unfulfilled with the current state of the relationship.

Stage Two is him Adapting to the choice of leaving. How can he know if he made the wrong decision unless he never goes out and lives it? He decided to leave for this very reason. To essentially find a solution. He must see what it’s like without you.

Stage Three is what I call the Reflection stage. He has now experienced life with and without you. This is the moment he’s going to do the most reflecting. We are problem-solving creatures who want to avoid risk. He needs to reflect to see if he made the right choice.

Stage Four is what I call the Regret stage. After reflecting, he has to conclude whether to stay or return to you. This entire process can take anywhere from 1-3 months. At most 6. Here is a video that dives into more detail on the topic:

If you want more information to help you understand why the sudden change in feelings, I highly suggest you check out these posts:

5 Signs A Guy Is Falling In Love With You But Slowly

“Love isn’t always loud. Sometimes, it’s in the silence, the small gestures, and the way he shows up — over and over again.”

You have this guy you like. Things are going well but a little slow for your liking. You’re wondering if he’s on the same page as you. He says he is but you’re unsure because if someone was in love with you, the pace would pick up.

If that’s how you feel, you’re not alone. The good news is that men can show they’re falling in love with you in many ways.

In this article, I will show the top signs he’s falling in love with you. We will go over:

Ways men show they’re opening up and falling in love.
Unconventional ways men express themselves that you’re missing.
How men and women differ in expressing themselves.

Before we start, if you’re interested in getting my FREE high-value guide to make him value and respect you (which leads to love), click the link here, and I will send it to you.

There Is a “Story Progression” That Leads To Love

Here is one thing I know for sure:

Men who fall in love with you will eventually push the narrative along. Men who are unsure about you buy time and keep it that way.

If you’re talking to a guy where the number of dates is going up but the depth of the relationship isn’t, you’re talking to a guy who is unsure about you.

However, if you feel that you two are growing together, learning more about each other, you think it’s deeper than just sex, and an actual relationship is forming, you may have a man who is falling in love with you.

How can you tell the difference? Well:

Are you hanging out often and feeling that the relationship isn’t progressing? Or do you feel you’re slowly moving towards something meaningful and building a connection along the way?
Is the guy still making an effort to initiate and court you? Or does he cut corners and just ask you to hang out?
Is he consistent with talking, texting, and seeing you? Or does that all feel casual?

There has to be story progression. This means that if you were to read a book, it doesn’t matter if you read a page a day or the whole book in one sitting. You see characters develop, the setting changes, the plot thickens, and there’s a beginning, middle, and end:

If your relationship doesn’t have this arc, you’re talking to a guy who likes you but is unsure about you. If you feel things are progressing along the way, you may have a man falling in love, but:

Is inexperienced.
Afraid of getting hurt.
Insecure.
Doesn’t see the benefits of a relationship.
And many other things.

I have two detailed articles that will help you figure out if he likes you or is falling in love with you:

This article discusses how to tell if a guy likes you but not enough for a relationship.
This article goes into depth on the signs a guy is in love with you and the things they do.

Reading both of these will help you decipher what category you’re in.

We’re designed to avoid risk. If he’s not taking you off the market, there are only three reasons: 1) He doesn’t fear losing you. 2) He doesn’t like you enough. 3) Feels he doesnt’ have to decide because you’re not going anywhere.

That may be hard to hear when you’re trying to figure out if a guy is falling in love with you or not but psychologically, it makes sense. Do NOT let your emotions fool you.

You Have Experiences That Make People Fall In Love

Three things make people stand out from the competition in dating:

The bundle they offer (Assets and liabilities) compared to others.
The way they make us feel.
The experiences we have with them.

People often sleep on the importance of experiences. The meaning of life is to experience life itself.

I am not religious. I don’t take any deep philosophical approach to the meaning of life. I see it for what it is. If it’s an experience, we gravitate towards people who share that experience.

Everyone values something, fears something, and has lost something.

If you can share experiences with someone, the ups and downs, you will build a connection with them that others can’t relate to.

This means if you’re talking to a guy and there is substance in your relationship, where you laugh a ton, but also listen and stand by their side, there is some merit to that.

There is this power couple I follow named Alex and Leila Hormozi. Alex was once asked when he knew Leila was the one.

He recounted a pivotal experience where he faced significant financial and personal setbacks. He told Leila that she deserved someone better and gave her an out. She expressed her willingness to endure hardships with him, saying, “I would sleep with you under a bridge if we had to.”

While I am not suggesting you do this or wait for a guy to change his mind, this personal experience of his hardship and her willingness made him realize she was the one.

In terms of experiences that are more realistic and not putting you at risk of being played, I suggest:

Trying something you two have never done before.
Sharing something you two have never shared.
Having faith and trust in the other person over a particular thing.
Having goals together and helping each other reach them.
Doing something extreme that gets the heart and adrenaline racing.
Trying something you both always wanted to do.

When you do these things with someone, the brain starts to anchor them to these feelings and experiences, which makes them fall in love with you.

Men Who Fall In Love Make Sacrifices

The most important thing a man can do that proves he’s falling in love with you is make a noble sacrifice.

There are several reasons why this is the best way to prove his love for you:

Men are supposed to provide, protect, and satisfy.
He’s sacrificing for the “bigger picture,” not just what he wants.
It goes against our nature.

Early dating (when a man is courting you) is transactional. There is no evolutionary benefit in his putting your needs before his unless he gets something out of it or it’s a win/win.

You may have guys who ditch their friends for you, go out to eat where you like to go, and spend money on you. But I mean real sacrifices. Things he would only do if he loved you and saw you long-term.

Moving.
Putting his dreams on hold.
Helping you financially through rough patches.
Giving up something he valued and waited for because you need his time and effort.
Supporting you through an obstacle you’re going through.
Putting his health in jeopardy to ensure you’re safe and comfortable.

You’re A Part Of His “Inner” Life

This doesn’t mean being apart of his social group, friends, or family. It’s even deeper than that.

It means he’s letting you into his world:

His viewpoint.
His mind.
His philosophy.
What makes him tick.
What excites him. What scares him.
Him being vulnerable.

You see a complete human form of him where he peels back the layers and shows you the authentic self. You become an extension of him and vice versa.

This is where men start to feel a true connection. They can relate to you and open up without feeling judged.

A perfect example of this and an even better novel is John Green’s “
A Fault In Our Stars.” You can get the book here (highly recommend if you’re looking for a good read).

This book is the perfect example of how two people do everything I talk about in this entire article: The connection, the experience, acceptance, desire, need, and completely letting each other see the other completely vulnerable.

He Needs You In His Life

As sexist as this sounds, men understand what I am getting at here:

A man saying he needs you is probably the most powerful statement. More than “I love you.”

If a man says he needs you in his life, this means several things:

He feels complete with you.
You’re the “missing puzzle piece” (every man is looking for theirs).
You’re one of the best options he can get.
You make him want to be better.
You compliment his lifestyle.
His life is better with you in it than without.

In the context of this article, where we’re discussing signs that a guy is falling in love with you slowly, this sounds like a cry for help.

Not saying that’s what he’s doing, but if a guy is telling you he needs you in his life, he means it.

I need his words and actions to line up for this to count. I don’t want a man just to say it. I want him to express it too:

Consistency
Vulnerability
Progression
Sacrifice
Courtship
Effort

Anyone can say anything. It’s the effort that gets measured.

If you want to work with me
If you want my free guide on being high value
If you want my nine guides on everything dating

5 Reasons Why Men Don’t Commit To You And How To Instantly Fix It

“Commitment doesn’t scare him — losing his freedom to someone who doesn’t add value does.”

If you want to learn how to get a boyfriend but are having a hard time getting men to commit, you’re not alone.

The number of women today talking to men who are emotionally unavailable or don’t want a relationship is staggering.

I have been a dating coach for ten years and have helped thousands of women get into relationships, and this is easily the top problem I run into.

That’s why in this article I want to explain:

Why men don’t commit to you.
The problems you may be making.
The psychological blocks they may have (and filtering these type of men).
How to instantly fix it.

If you fix the things I point out in the article, men will commit to you and you will get a boyfriend in record time.

Let’s dive in.

Men Don’t Commit Because You Don’t Date Enough

Finding a boyfriend can be hard, and if you’re having difficulty getting men to commit, I can understand how it takes a toll on your self-esteem.

You go on amazing dates that you thought ended well only to realize this guy wants to be friends or fails to set up the next date. We’ve all been there.

However, I cannot stress enough that dating is a numbers game.

Many people don’t realize that statistically, we all fail at dating 99% of the time. That means if you’re single today (just like me), you failed 100% and that’s okay. Because guess what? You only need to win once.

Finding a boyfriend only takes ONE time for a guy to say, “Hell yes.” All the no’s and failed attempts prior do not matter. If you get a man to commit once, you win.

The problem I find women having is that when a man doesn’t commit, they give up. Or they take a long break. It goes something like this:

“I am going to try dating again. Let me try online.”
Online dating sucks. There are lots of weirdos.
But you find one guy who sticks out and he seems promising.
You two start talking and going on dates.
Things seem to be going well.
You really like him.
He starts to act differently and pull away.
You’re confused.
He gives you bullshit excuses.
You’re tired of dating and take a two-month break to work on yourself.
Repeat.

As a dating coach, my job is to get you to date. The women who take dating personally and don’t treat it as a game are the ones who always fail.

Below is a poll I took of my followers on Instagram. I wanted to see how many dates they’ve been on in the last 6 months:

94% of women have been on less than 10 dates in the last 6 months! I promise you that you’ll never find a boyfriend in that time. For all I know all these dates could have been with one guy and it didn’t work out. You have no chance in the dating world if you date like this.

Finding a boyfriend is hard, but it’s because you take dating too seriously. Have fun with it. Go out, meet people, learn to socialize, work on self-development, and aim to read and understand people better.

My rule of thumb:

You need to go on at least one date a week. Everyone I have ever met you is working on themselves and going on one date a week gets in a relationship within 3–6 months. This means:

Not taking long breaks because it didn’t work out.
Not taking yourself off the market because you like the guy or have an exclusive talk.
Dating more than one guy (stop talking to one guy at a time. Nowhere in Mother Nature or the history of our species was that a thing until commitment or society pushed it on you).
No matter how it turns out, keep dating!

You’re Bad At Filtering Emotionally Unavailable Men

When a man doesn’t commit to you, you take it personally. I have women come to me and say:

“ Did I mean anything to him?”
“Was any of it real or genuine?”
“How could he drop me or leave everything so easily?”
“Did I do something wrong?”
“What if I didn’t do X? Would we still be together?”

Most of your relationships are not working out because you’re talking to an emotionally unavailable man. That’s why he didn’t commit to you.

I have a video here touching on the difficulties of making a relationship work with an emotionally unavailable man:

If you’re talking to a guy where things were going well and suddenly he blindsided you by pulling away and changing his behavior, that’s the case. You can check out an article I wrote about that here.

That’s why I tell women that becoming a master at filtering emotionally unavailable men is a skill. A very valuable skill.

I am willing to bet that if I were your coach, I could identify for a majority of you that you were talking to an emotionally unavailable guy, and that’s why he didn’t commit.

Here are several signs:

He buys time with phrases like, “Let’s see what happens/where it goes,” or slows it down.
He lovebombs you.
He chases hard only to pull away once he has you.
Things are going really well until the halfway point, he starts acting differently.
He acts differently out of nowhere for no reason (got in his head).

If you want an amazing in-depth 5-step process on filtering men, check out this article. If you want a SUPER in-depth read on filtering men, check out this guide.

To Get A Boyfriend, He Needs To See Long-Term Assets

I tell my clients that men need all five things in a woman to be her boyfriend and commit:

He needs to find you attractive/feel he’s getting the better deal.
You need to be one of the best options he can get.
You must have more assets than liabilities, and the assets must be worth the cost.
You make him want to be a better person.
His life is better with you in it than without.

Those are non-negotiable.

Women try to argue with me on this, saying it’s childish, all men don’t think like this, and so on.

Yes, they do. This is evolutionary psychology. This isn’t my opinion on what makes men commit.

To make this easier, these “assets” are broken down into three categories:

Evolutionary Desires: Traits Mother Nature put in us so we drive towards survival and reproduction. These things include attractiveness, resources, health, youth, fertility, energy, nurture, etc.
Personal Desires: These are traits that we personally like when it comes to finding a mate. Think of these as preferences to evolutionary desires. Things like race, height, age, hair and eye color, and personality.
Tribe: This is something bigger than us. We all want to be part of something bigger that we sense a belonging with. We want people in our tribe. These people usually share the same interest, morals, values, purpose, drive, motivation, and so on.

To keep it simple:

Mother Nature instilled evolutionary desires to drive us to survive and reproduce. She doesn’t care how we do it as long as we do it. That’s why we have personal desires. If certain traits attract and interest you to pursue, go ahead. But long-term commitment (marriage) come from those two things and being part of the same tribe.

Evolutionary Desires + Personal Desires + Tribe = Commitment.

You Make It Too Easy To Access The Assets

With all this being said, men will not commit to you or be your boyfriend if you give away the assets at minimal cost.

What is the point of committing if you’re giving your guy boyfriend benefits and he’s not your boyfriend?

The answer I often get from women is, “He gets meee!”

What the f*** does that even mean? He already has you lol.

“No, he doesn’t. I will leave then.”

No, you won’t. You would have already. Even if you did, he believes you wouldn’t leave because something you did up to this point has shown him that you’re not going anywhere and that he has you.

Those things are the following:

You’re sticking around past the 8-week mark (you need to have the talk or be his girlfriend by 8 weeks).
You gave him too many chances he doesn’t deserve.
You lower your standards to keep him around.
You’re too hopeful, and he can see it.
You aren’t being courted.

Trust me, humans are very resourceful. If you’re talking to a guy who hasn’t fallen in love with you, he will cut corners and save on investing if you let him. It will get to the point where it starts to feel casual because that benefits him.

If a guy is not committing to you or is unsure about being your boyfriend, the next best thing for him is to get the assets at a reduced cost. That means a lower investment.

Here are the boyfriend benefits I believe you’re giving away:

Emotional Support
• Listening to his problems like a therapist. Can you listen to his problems? Sure, but the goal you two have is to build attraction.
• Being his emotional rock — even when he’s not yours. You may disagree with me on this but if he’s doing this instead of committing, you’re talking to an emotionally unavailable guy.
Domestic Care
• Cooking him meals regularly.
• Helping with his laundry or cleaning.
• If you’re doing anything like this and you’re not his girlfriend, you already lost. You are supposed to be courted!
Constant Communication
• Texting him all day, every day. Daily is fine. Being at his beckon call isn’t.
• Always responding quickly or initiating conversations.
• Checking in and being emotionally available 24/7.
Sexual Access
• Having sex regularly without a commitment. You can have sex just make sure it’s aligned with your values and that he’s also courting you.
• Engaging in deep physical intimacy without emotional security.
Loyalty Without a Relationship
• Acting exclusive even though you’re not.
• Turning down other men or dating options for him.
• Staying emotionally attached to only him.
Time and Availability
• Rearranging your schedule to fit his.
• Dropping plans the moment he texts.
• Saying yes to last-minute hangouts or late-night calls.
Gifts, Favors, and Financial Help
• Buying him things or covering costs.
• Doing favors you’d only do for someone you’re in a committed relationship with.
• Spoiling him with thoughtful surprises — while he stays casual.

Again, so many women will do half these things and then are shocked when men don’t commit or want to be their boyfriend. What benefit do they get from committing to you that they’re not getting now?

What will happen is you’ll be one of these girls he likes, but not enough to commit to, like I talk about here.

You Don’t Stick Out Or Know What Men Want

You may think men are your competition but they’re not. Men want to commit and be a boyfriend…to the right woman.

That means your competition is other women. The problem women have is they don’t know how to stand out.

Many clients come to me and say, “We are so attracted to each other. The sexual chemistry is off the charts, and all chemistry is off the charts. We get along so well.”

What you don’t understand, though, is that those are prerequisites. Every woman a man is interested in or sees long-term, he’s sexually attracted to and has chemistry with. He’s looking for that X-factor.

I talk about things that make non-monogamous men commit in this article. But in a nutshell, it comes down to the concept of blueprint versus reality.

This concept states that men are looking for that missing puzzle piece. They know the lifestyle, goals, purpose they want and the type of woman they want to spend it with. The closer that woman is to fitting that mold, the more likely he is to commit. The further, the more anxiety he has.

To make it easier:

Blueprint: The life he wants and the steps it takes to get there.

Reality: The steps he is taking (or not) and how close he actually is.

Why do you think we stress when things don’t go well or turn out the way we want them to be? That’s because our blueprint is one version of it and our reality is the other. The closer they are, the better we feel. The further, we start freaking out.

If you want to find a boyfriend as fast as possible and make men commit, you must be part of each other’s blueprint.

How do you do that? We already talked about it:

You MASTER the evolutionary desires (attractiveness, fitness, health, being energetic, etc).
You find people with the personal desires you obtain (height, weight, eye, skin, hair color, personality, humor, etc).
You are part of each other’s tribe, and you share the same purpose, values, morals, goals, motivations, etc.

It is tough for an emotionally available man who wants a relationship to say “no” to a woman who he’s dating and has all these things.

I feel the problem that many women have is:

They aren’t niched down for a particular person and instead spread themselves too thin.
They think that sexual attraction and chemistry is enough and get emotionally attached.

That’s it ladies, let me know below if you have any questions or concerns.

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Why Men Decide To Ghost You When Things Are Going Well

“Ghosting isn’t about you — it’s about a man running from the intimacy he wasn’t built to hold.”

One of the biggest conundrums in dating is not ghosting — but why do men ghost when things are going well? That goes against all logic.

Or does it?

The problem many of us have when tackling this situation is we’re looking at it from the lens of a healthy individual who wants a relationship. Instead, we need to look at how ghosting (unfortunately) benefits the ghoster: Why they did it, what logic they have, and what their ultimate goal is.

In this article, I am going to give you the most accurate reasons on why men ghost when things are going well.

The Better It Is, The Worse Ghosting Gets

Here is the truth you’re not going to want to hear. Men ghost only for three reasons:

They‘re selfish human beings who didn’t see you in the long term.
They hate confrontation and accountability.
They’re emotionally unavailable, and the pressure has built up, making him anxious to continue.

A can of worms has opened when you talk to someone who likes you but cannot give you a relationship.

They may have said, “Yes, I am looking for a relationship,” and acted all boyfriend-like, but that’s where the problem arises. It always starts that way. You’re an interesting woman and he’s talking to a girl he likes. Of course, he’s going to be down for it.

Emotional unavailability (which more men are EU than you think) is at a crazy high. If you don’t believe me, watch the video below on why there are so many EU men today.

The thing with EU is these men still feel, crave, desire, and avoid the same thing every other normal person does. He still:

Desires you.
Builds a genuine connection.
Is curious.
Wants to see where things go.
Loves the chemistry you two have.

He doesn’t have to worry about EU yet because the context hasn’t built up. It’s just two people who like each other and enjoy a good time. I tell my clients the EU lies dormant in someone until the context awakens it. That includes:

How long have you two been talking
How consistent
Exclusive talk
Sex
Meeting friends and family
The pace
Leavign things over at eachother’s place
Future planning
And many more

All these things are great…if you’re talking to a normal and available man because it’s positive feedback and validation. It lets us know, “Okay we like each other and things are going well. Awesome.”

However, when you’re EU, this stuff feels like pressure. He starts to think:

“What did I just get myself into? I like her sure but I can’t give a relationship and here I am future planning, telling her I want a relationship, and hooking up. I feel guilty leading her on.”

The fact that things were going so well makes him feel worse. Because he believes he painted this amazing picture of an ideal situation with an ideal relationship. He can’t deliver on it, although he feels obligated to do so. This pressure pushes men away.

Should he confront the situation and talk to you about it? Sure, but like I said earlier, men hate confrontation and accountability. Is that a valid excuse? Hell no! But it’s his reasoning.

Which leads us to the next reason you’re getting ghosted.

What’s His “Justification?”

Men start to run through a checklist on what to do. No different than a pilot going through a safety checklist before takeoff. He’s trying to justify being a piece of shit for what he’s about to do.

Here are some of the things men will justify:

“She doesn’t deserve me; the faster I disappear, the quicker she will get over it.”
“We’ve only been talking for a couple months. It’s not that serious. She will be fine.”
“I already did enough harm. I don’t want to explain myself and make it worse. I want it to be over.”
“Well, to be fair, I never said anything about a relationship.”
“Maybe if I just disappear and do it long enough she will move on/leave me alone.”

There is always justification for a man ghosting unless he genuinely doesn’t care — which I know sounds weird because someone who cares wouldn’t ghost in the first place.

That is why I believe men who ghost are narcissists or emotionally unavailable. Narcissism is self-explanatory. But your guy was probably decent, and you never considered him narcissistic. This is the only hiccup you had with him.

That’s why I believe he’s emotionally unavailable. They have this thing where they’re great until their back is against the wall, and he has to choose between their own well-being and yours. He turns into a frightened animal who will lash out at anyone.

I have been a coach for ten years. I see it ALL the time (literally daily with clients).

If you want to avoid emotionally unavailable men I suggest you watch this video:

Does He Feel Bad?

Most men feel bad for ghosting you unless they’re a piece of shit (which yes, if you ghost you’re a POS). Do they get over it quickly? Probably faster than you’d like, but that’s dependent on your relationship, how long it lasted, and how cruel it ended.

Let me tell you things I believe they honestly feel guilty about:

Leading you on.
Telling you things and getting your hopes up.
Painting this picture of being an ideal guy and pulling the rug out from under you.

Basically, leading you on lol. Please, if you get anything from my work, get this: Do not let him back in. The same thing will happen. I bet my life on it. While they feel guilty, it’s not bad enough for him to give you an explanation so why are you giving him the time?

Emotional unavailability is a tough thing to change. It takes a long time. He has no reason to change if you stand around hoping and waiting for change. If anything, he will take advantage of you and the fact that you’re hopeful.

The best and most respectful thing is that he owes you a reason for breaking it off. The fact that he ghosts you tells me everything.

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5 Unbelievable Reasons Men Always Come Back Months Later That Will Tilt You

“Dating is transactional. Love is when he makes sacrifices. Early on, men will do whatever benefits them, even at your expense.”

If you’re a woman who has a man coming back over and over again and you’d rather he stay or leave forever, this article is for you.

I know many of you are thinking the following things:

“I feel better when he comes back.”
“Does that mean he likes me?”
“Is there still a chance because he’s sticking around? He doesn’t have to.”

I can understand why you’re thinking these things, but I will have to hit you with the reality for why he’s coming back.

Let’s jump into it with the five REAL reasons a man always returns.

The Assets You Offer

“Just because a man likes you, doesn’t mean he wants a relationship. He loves what you have to offer.”

For those of you who do not know, assets are the things men love in a woman that specifically draw their brains in by fulfilling their primary goal of survival and reproduction. These things include:

Attractiveness
Validation
Boost his status
Sex
Attention
Submissiveness
Nurture
Low maintenance
And so on.

If a man is unsure about you in terms of a relationship but loves the assets you offer, he will keep coming around to get a great deal on those assets.

What deal?

He’s going to try to have his cake and eat it too. He won’t commit to being your boyfriend, but he gets the boyfriend benefits. He will use the fact that you’re hopeful things will change/get better and take advantage of that fact.

Men are VERY hesitant with hopeful women. We can sense it miles away. Check out an article here to explain why men will never commit to hopeful women.

Instead, he’s going to try to bullshit you to weasel his way in, prey on your hope, get what he wants (assets) and then leave. It will look something like this:

I know this sounds like common sense but once you stop being hopeful, it cuts this entire loop off. He will have to find another way to hook you if you’re letting go of hope and done with his bullshit.

Trust me, men who come and go often are preying on the fact that you’re justifying giving him another chance. He feeds that justification that ultimately allows him back in.

Insurance Policy And Access

If a man is unsure about you but wants the assets, he will make you an insurance policy.

An insurance policy is the worst situation to be in. It’s where a man is trying to cover his tracks by avoiding risk. He feels comfortable leaving you and looking elsewhere because, in the worst-case scenario, he returns to you when it doesn’t work out elsewhere and you validate him until he’s ready to go out again.

If you had a man come and go before, you’re probably an insurance policy. Here is why I say that:

We’re risk-avoidant creatures. If he wanted you long-term in the first place, why risk losing you by going elsewhere? The reason he’s doing so is he’s unsure about you but still feels comfortable enough in doing so because you’re a low “flight risk” on leaving him for entertaining others.

Things that make him believe you’re a good insurance policy are:

You have assets, but he doesn’t see you long-term (if you ask, “How do I get him to see me long-term?” you prove my point, pathetic, LOL).
He’s done this before and you let him back in.
He cares less than you.
You’re only talking to him.
You’re investing more than him.
You’re an insecure and anxious attachment type.

These are things cruel men LOVE seeing in a woman he’s unsure of, because while he likes her and the assets she offers, he doesn’t see her long-term. But he knows she’s not going anywhere so returning isn’t a problem.

Likes You But Is Emotionally Unavailable

I talk about emotional unavailability a lot in my content but there is a reason for that:

It’s confusing.

Women look at emotionally unavailable men as the plague: “I feel bad for the person but I don’t want anything to do with that. Don’t bring that shit near me.”

The thing is, it’s hard to read if a man is emotionally unavailable or not because most of the time, their unavailability lays dormant until it comes out due to context (the things you two do and say over time that create seriousness in the relationship that causes him to get in his head).

If you want a good article on how to filter men, save yourself some time, and rid of emotionally unavailable men, you can find that here.

Emotionally unavailable men always return because they like you, but cannot commit. They still feel the same things normal men feel:

They truly like you.
They’re genuine.
The chemistry is real.
They enjoy your company.
They did mean the things they said.

The problem is they don’t think about the repercussions of everything they do and say, so when it starts to feel serious, they pull back, not realizing how well of a picture they painted as this “ideal” guy who unfortunately can’t deliver.

Fear Of Regret

When a man pulls away, he starts the process of reflecting. It can lead to regret if he reflects long enough, and the correct variables are in place.

The problem is that so many women don’t create an atmosphere for regret. They are eager to take a man back, text him, chase, give him a million chances, and so on.

If you want a man to regret, he has to reflect. If you want him to reflect, there have to be consequences for his actions. If you want him to feel consequences, there has to be a cause and effect. He’s not allowed access to you if he decides you’re not the girl he’s looking for long-term.

Reget must have two things:

Self blame
Missed opportunity.

If you want more on how to get a guy to feel like an idiot and regret everything, I have an article here for you.

I will also put a good video on the four-step process that causes regret:

You’re Dropping Him Completely

This throws a wrench in his entire plan. Remember, he wanted you as an insurance policy because he believes that’s what’s best for HIM. He believes:

“I like her but not enough for a relationship. I still want the assets though, so I will prey on the fact that she’s hopeful, get what I want while not committing, and look elsewhere until then.”

Whey do you think acting cold works? Men are made to chase. Men are made to seek validation. Why do you think men court women and not the other way around?

When you cut him off completely, several things happen:

He doesn’t have a “backup” plan or insurance policy.
You start the regret process.
He loses you to competition.
You cut off the assets completely.
He may be in worse situation than he’s in now for taking the risk of losing you.

That’s why men come running back when you’re gone. I’ve been doing this for over ten years. I can’t tell you how often I hear a woman say, “Oh, now that I am done and over him, he reaches out.”

Exactly! It’s not a coincidence.

He’s trying to get those assets and avoid the risk of losing you. Make it easy for both of you and just cut him off.

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Why Do Men Always Come Back After A Break Up

“Men never realize how good they have it until they see another man benefiting from what he once had.”

If you’re wondering why men always come back after you finally move on, you’re not alone. It’s probably one of the most common questions I get from my clients.

My clients would try so hard to make something work with the guy only for him to take everything for granted. Then she leaves. She’s fed up with all the crap. She’s moving on, going out, trying to date again, and going about her day.

Suddenly, a month later, she gets a text from her ex saying how much he misses her or a simple, “Hey,” as if nothing ever happened.

Wtf?

In this article, I will break down exactly why men always come back when you finally move on.

Why He Left In The First Place Is Critical

When a man leaves a woman, it’s not a decision he made overnight. It’s something he thought about for a while (yes, even when he was treating you well and things were okay).

Here is why I say that:

When a man decides to leave, there is a reason and usually that comes down to him weighing the pros and cons of that decision. We are risk-avoidant creatures. We don’t just make irrational decisions as our default way of thinking.

That means from the moment you two started talking to the present, he’s analyzing all the ups and downs of the relationship and asking himself specific questions:

Are the assets worth the cost?
Can I get better?
Do we want the same thing?
Is this sustainable?
Did it turn out like I wanted?

If these answers are not in his favor, he will create a narrative in his head that justifies leaving so it doesn’t feel like a decision he will regret. I call this the “evidence” someone gathers to justify their decision to leave and find a better situation.

So why is this important?

Because if you never move on he will never regret his decision. How can he regret anything if there is no consequence for his poor decision-making, because you’re too weak to move on from a guy unsure about you?

Men Are Wired To Conquer More Than Commit

It’s when a woman starts to move on that the grieving process for a man can start. Does that mean he will always grieve? No. But it must happen for him to feel anything.

Now the thing is, just because he’s doing his own thing and not committing doesn’t mean he can’t regret his decision. Remember how I said he created a narrative in his head about moving on? Well, one of those things that helps him decide is the downside of the decision.

When start taking you for granted, there is a reason. You’re showing him the “evidence” that even if he did pull away and make the wrong decision, he can bounce back and get is spot in line as if he never decided to begin with.

This means if you did any of the following, you’re telling his brain that it’s not that risky for him to leave:

Give him more chances than he deserves.
Let him come back after pulling this crap before.
You’re the one making more effort than him.
You’re giving him boyfriend benefits when he’s not your boyfriend.
He’s not initiating or courting you.
You’re “exclusive” but not official.

If all this is true, than the “conquer not commit” mindset will come into play. This is where a man will win you over just enough to have you attached but never commit. If a woman falls for this and sticks around, she loses.

However, if you pull away, don’t let him back in, start getting back on the apps, and so on, he’s going to realize, “Oh shit, maybe I did lose her.”

Reflecting Causes Regretting

For a man to regret, he has to reflect. He has to replace the old evidence where he’s convinced he has you with the new evidence you’re providing him which shows that’s not the case.

The thing with regret is that it has two components:

He must feel it’s self-inflicted and have self-blame.
He must feel that based on his decision, he’s in a worse situation than he was with you.

Only then can we get a man to reflect and realize he’s an idiot. This is because it goes against his narrative.

“Oh I am going to try to have my cake and eat it too. I like her but I am unsure about a relationship so I will entertain her and look elsewhere. Worse case scenario, I’ll just come back.”

He’s banking on the fact that you’re hopeful he will return. Come to find out, you’re not on a damn leash and you’re not waiting for any man. Once you throw that wrench into his gameplan, he starts to freak.

You’re the one who ended it. Even if he didn’t like you, he still wanted to be able to come and go with access to your assets. But now that you cut him off and his competition can get them, he’s pissed.

Personally, I would never take this type of man back. I feel once they do this there is no changing them. They’ll use you as an insurance policy until the next thing comes along.

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5 Crazy Things Men Do When They’re Secretly In Love With You

“It’s much easier to tell if a guy loves you versus likes you because of the depths men go to secure a future with you.”

When a man likes a woman, he entertains her. When he loves a woman, he secures her.

You’ll see a common trend in all five things men do when falling for you. It’s like our brain chemistry changes, and we focus on reducing risk as much as possible and proving that we see you long-term.

One: He Makes This One Specific Sacrifice

I always tell my clients that you can tell if a guy is serious about you because he comes up with solutions instead of excuses. As soon as you hear men giving you reasons why they can’t see you, can’t invest, can’t commit, and so on, you have a problem.

The reason is we are risk-avoidant by nature. If I have a woman that I like who is trying to meet me halfway on things and willing to come up with solutions to make things work, why am I not on board? Isn’t that the best thing to do to keep things afloat and moving?

The only reason he wouldn’t is uncertainty. However, if you’re talking to a guy who loves you, he makes sacrifices.

Sacrifices are the ultimate sign that someone is falling for you. When I say sacrifices, I am specifically talking about things that are at the person’s expense but for the greater good.

For example:

“I have a huge paying client who wants to meet and talk business that will definitely change my business around, but I promised my son that I will be at his soccer game, so I am going to his game.”
“I really want to go to this event I’ve waited months for, but my girlfriend’s anxiety is through the roof, and is going through a rough time. I am going to support my girlfriend.”

These are extremely big “asks” of someone, and that’s why it’s a great sign. Unless there is tremendous upside, we are designed to avoid such risk from an evolutionary perspective. The only upside in these cases is that you see your two’s relationship as something bigger than anything you currently desire.

Two: He Obsesses Over You In This Particular Way

When we talk about obsession, we think of it as infatuation. In this sense, men obsess over futureproofing the relationship.

He does this in two ways:

He gives you the “future test”
He thinks of ways to secure further what you two have.

The future test is when a man has scenarios in his head and he makes you the main character in those scenarios and sees how it plays out. Some of these test include:

How you act in certain situations.
How would you act around the family, and how will they act around you.
Sunday mornings.
Growing old together.
Being there for him when he needs you.
How you handle being a mother to his children.
Traveling together.

If a man is not thinking about these things, he won’t see you in the long term. However, if he is, he’s going to find ways to secure you long-term:

Am I making my intentions clear that I want her?
Am I communicating well and transparently?
Are her needs met?
Are we happy?
What are the roadblocks, if any?

Many men will do this subconsciously but as a woman, you will know because you’re talking to a consistent man, a good communicator, transparent, doesn’t play games, and courts you. He doesn’t want to leave anything up to risk.

Three: He Truly Acts Like Himself

Every man’s dream: He can truly be himself.

You can tell a guy is starting to fall for you when the wall comes down:

You see him cry.
He’s opening up and more vulnerable.
You become his best friend.
He treats you differently than everyone else.
You’re more of a team. “You and I” becomes “We.”

He’s not afraid of being goofy around you. He’s also not afraid of judgment. He feels safe around you. You see his flaws. He shares with you disagreeable opinions. And that’s ok.

So many of my clients talk about a man making her feel safe and protected. The way you do that for him is a lack of judgment. You don’t alter your view of masculinity based on what he does and says. You love him for who he is.

This may also be part of the “future test” we discussed in the previous point. No man will ever commit to a woman he can’t be his authentic self around. While I don’t think men play many games like women think (it’s just a lack of attraction if so), this is one of the few games men play.

Four: He Connects With You Sexually

If you follow any of my material, you know how I feel about men and their view on sex. From an evolutionary perspective, men love to spread their seeds like gardeners.

Men look at sex as something fun and playful. They love the thrill of the chase. Our hormones in our body are designed to release a lot of dopamine during sex, and then once it’s flushed out, we feel this deep dive in desire that tells us to back off. This is designed to ensure men spread their seed to as many women as possible to secure offspring.

When a man is in love with a woman, he aims to build a connection. He may be rough with you, but he also wants to make love. Your needs far exceed his and he becomes a complete giver.

I remember the one and only woman I loved. When we would have sex, my ONLY goal was making sure she climaxed multiple times before even worrying about how I was feeling. It didn’t matter to me how I felt. I felt good only if she felt good.

The cuddles after sex were just as good as the act itself.

Five: He Tries To Thread You Into His Life

With all this being said, it wouldn’t come to the right conclusion unless a man actually threaded you more into his life to secure you long-term.

For all you ladies out there:

This means if you’re talking to a guy who won’t commit to you but says he’s in love with you, he’s a f***ing liar lol.

I don’t care what excuses he gives you.

Besides committing (the most important thing), other things men do to secure you long-term are:

Introduce you to his friends and family.
Makes a decision switch in your mind.
Make you a part of his life.
Move in together.
Heavily invest in you one of the following: time, energy, effort, money.
Asks for your input on big decisions.
Uses “we” instead of “I.”

You get the idea.

There is an essential four-step process people go through to secure someone long-term:

I know that sounds like common sense, but you’d be surprised on how many people don’t realize this, get stuck somewhere, or feel the guy loves her when they haven’t completed the process.

You must do all four steps and you must do them in this order.

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