Post Category → Male Psychology

The Dark Psychology Of Men After Sex

Ever wondered why some men seem emotionally available before sex, but emotionally unavailable right after?

We are going to explain why that’s the case.

Once you understand how the male brain works with sex, you’re going to be shocked on how men operate and why they do the dumb things they do.

Let’s jump into it.

**If you want a free guide maximizing your value, click here.**

First, Does When You Have Sex Really Matter?

I don’t think that when you have sex is a strong determining factor on whether a man is going to commit or not. It’s not on a man’s “chopping block” for reasons he wouldn’t commit.

That doesn’t mean you should have sex early on. While it’s not a determining factor in terms of commitment, it still has power over other factors:

  • Power dynamics
  • Courtship
  • Value
  • Scaricty
  • Taking you for granted
  • Many other things

I always believed that if a man wants a relationship with you, is truly emotionally available, and ready for commitment, sex is just a stepping stone. It’s something that brings us closer to our mutual goal of a relationship. 

However, if a man already didn’t want a relationship with you, I could understand where you feel hooking up early might have ruined your chances because he started to “change” after being intimate.

That’s not the case. Don’t worry. Whether you held out or not, you would still get the same outcome (if he wasn’t on the same page).

I don’t ever want to tell women when to have sex because that’s ultimately up to you. However, I know a lot of women want a definite number of dates to at least gauge when. If I had to give you a number, I wouldn’t sleep with a guy before the 5th date.

The Dark Psychology Of Sex

This sounds stupid to write but the problem is having sex or when you’re having it, it’s who you’re having it with. Again, sounds stupid but let me explain.

The dark psychology of sex is solely based on the manipulation and perception a man has on the matter.

For example, the reason I am calling it “dark” is that you may actually have a decent dude who means well but is emotionally unavailable. Emotionally unavailable men don’t walk around with an inner dialogue screaming, “I am unavailable and broken I shouldn’t chase women.” They still can do the same things “normal” men do:

  • They can be genuine and mean what they say
  • They’re authentic in their words and actions
  • They like you and feel something 
  • The chemistry is real
  • The connection is real
  • And so on

The difference is what sex represents and the dreaded question, “What happens next?”

Remember how I said if you’re talking to a man who is emotionally available and on the same page as you that sex is just a stepping stone towards something more meaningful?

Well, what if your man is unsure what he wants and what he can give?

Sex adds a layer of context to the whole dynamic. Context is defined as the things you two do and say over time that creates a serious vibe in the relationship. If are on the same page, this is good. If not, this is going to get worse.

Many things create context. It’s unavoidable (you shouldn’t avoid it anyway):

  • Sex
  • Frequency of sex, dates, calls, text, etc
  • Meeting friends and family
  • Future planning
  • Pace
  • Leaving stuff over the house
  • Staying the night
  • Being exclusive
  • How long you’ve been talking

When all this is present and sex is involved, a man knows two things:

  •  He probably painted a picture (using all this context) that things are going well and that he is on the same page as you.
  • That you’re probably really digging him and expecting this to move forward.

It’s those two things that awakened the dormant unavailability in him. He had no reason to worry prior. It’s just two people who like each other talking and hanging out. But now, you have substance. 

He feels this. To him, this is pressure.

When it comes to the dark psychology after sex, it’s almost like an (emotionally unavailable) man’s brain chemistry changes: he wants space, he wants to slow down, he doesn’t want to feel pressure, he acts like this all was meaningless. 

That doesn’t mean he never cared; he was just careless. He wasn’t responsible for his actions and what they represented. He didn’t realize all the context he was created due to liking you would make this picture of an ideal relationship. He has to answer to that. That’s what causes pressure. 

So what does all this have to do with anything? It’s more important to filter a guy than to worry about when to sleep with him. You can do everything right but if it’s the wrong guy, it doesn’t matter. 

5 Signs Men Like You But No Enough For A Relationship

“The most dangerous man isn’t one who doesn’t like you — it’s the one who keeps you around with no future in mind.”

Do you know what’s funny? I’ve been doing some thinking and realized that women don’t lose time to men who hate them, they lose time to men who “kinda” like them.

The men who find her interesting but are still unsure about her. God forbid he lets you go and regrets it. That’s why he would rather keep you around at your expense, so he doesn’t have to worry about making a mistake.

You’re taking the full burden of risk. That’s why I wanted to write this article. I want to show you what I believe are the top 5 clearest signs that you’re talking to a guy using you as an insurance policy.

**If you want to work with me, please click the link here.**

He Is Great At Buying Time

Have you heard any of these phrases before:

  • Let’s go with the flow.
  • Let’s play it by ear and see what happens.
  • I like to take things so and let it happen naturally.
  • I’m open to a relationship only if it’s with the right person.

These are what I like to call “Buying Time” phrases. They’re phrases that men use to get more time to entertain the assets you offer without paying for the cost of a relationship.

Here is the way a lot of men work:

If he likes you and the assets you offer BUT is unsure about a relationship, he’s not going just to cut you off. He’s in an excellent position and knows you’re hopeful of something manifesting. He’s going to throw in these phrases to give you hope which buys him more time. In reality, he already has his answer.

You know this is happening to you when you feel it’s:

  • Not progressing, and instead, you’re hearing these phrases.
  • The only reason you aren’t in a relationship is him (everything else is okay).
  • Some of these other signs below are also at play.

Great In Person, Horrible Away

I have many clients who come to me and say, “When we are together, it’s great, but when he’s away, he never texts or initiates.”

I also have clients say, “He never initiates, but when I do or ask about plans, he immediately answers and says yes.”

This is a person who takes you for granted. The more important question, though, is why?

Men who are unsure about women tend to invest less in resources to save. If he doesn’t see you long-term and feels he already has you, why would he invest more and get the same outcome?

I can understand it’s confusing because you’re getting mixed signals but there is a reason.

When you’re away, you’re not a priority. It’s not urgent. He can’t get what HE wants when you’re away. So text is minimal. However, he still needs to make sure your needs (to some extent) are met so when you reach out and text or make plans, he’s going to text back and agree because it will benefit both of you when in person.

He’s Semi-Consistent

As mentioned above, men are conserving resources. What’s important though is what is he doing with those resources? All that extra time, energy, money, and so on.

You already know he’s talking to other women.

You have to look at his logical thinking: If I’m unsure about you, don’t see you long-term, and have all these resources, why wouldn’t I consider talking to someone else?

Men don’t take themselves off the market for women they don’t see a future with. They’ll entertain you here and there but he’s definitely talking to others.

He’s Still On The Apps

I shouldn’t even have to put this here, but it’s such an obvious sign that it can’t be overlooked. And here is the funny thing:

Many of you will catch a guy still on the apps and confront him, but believe him when he says, “I never get on there, it’s just on my phone.” Yeah ok. The primary reason to use an app is to connect with the opposite sex. If you’re satisfied with your present partner, no need for it.

To contradict myself a little, I do believe that to some extent, you shouldn’t get off the app unless you’re taken off the market. If a guy hits you with this, he’s technically right.

My rule of thumb is if you two are connecting well, it’s progressing, you have been talking for 6 weeks and both want a relationship, you should have a talk about getting off the apps. If you see a man on the apps in the first month, I would let slide.

The Relationship Is Ongoing But Not Progressing

There is a significant difference between the time you two have been dating (quantity) and the quality of your progress and growth towards a relationship. It’s very important you know the difference.

I have seen people talk for months but not get any closer to a relationship. they thought things were going well because they get along, see each other every week, and have a good time, but still remain single.

Please don’t fall for that trap. You need progression. Look at the chart below. Don’t fall for the left.

In my opinion, by the 4–5 date mark, you should start to see some type of progression in questions, opening up, and personalities meshing, among other things.

If you’re at the 2 month (8 week) mark and you aren’t in a relationship, it’s time to talk. I truly believe any time after that is borrowed time and he’s unsure about you.

Men who like you won’t keep you on the market. Men know very early what they want from you.

If you want to work with me, please click the link here.