“Want to learn how to get a boyfriend? Understand psychology. Men commit to what Mother Nature has instilled in us to chase.”
If you want to guarantee that a man commits to you and becomes your boyfriend long-term, you must do the things I break down in this article.
As a dating coach, I have helped thousands of women get into relationships because I teach this one thing:
Evolutionary psychology. In this article, you’re going to learn:
- What men want and why.
- The best ways to present these things.
- What prevents men from jumping into relationships.
If you want to become a high-value woman during all this and 10x your chances of him committing to you long-term, I highly suggest you get my free high-value guide here.
Men Commit To Attractiveness And Sexual Compatibility
This one is a given, but I want to explain why you cannot bypass this.
No matter how amazing your personality is or how many things you have on this list, if you’re talking to a man who doesn’t have sexual compatibility with you or find you highly attractive, you will never get a long-term commitment.
This is not up for debate. This is not one of those things where I am wrong and men want different things. This has repeatedly been proven in many studies and research from top evolutionary psychologists such as David Buss.
Attractiveness is always top 2 trait (if not number one) across cultures, races, and background that high-value men desire. If he doesn’t find you attractive you might as well cut your losses and move along.
a paraphrased quote from David Buss’s book “The Evolution Of Desire:”
“Men have evolved preferences for youthful features because youth correlates with fertility. These preferences are universal and found across cultures.”
Men (and women) are highly attracted to a “freshness” look:
- Bright eyes, clear of redness.
- Lack of visible bags and tiredness in and under the eyes (which I am guilty of having, omg).
- Overall look of good health: nice clear skin, healthy weight in healthy BMI ranges.
- White teeth.
- Full lips.
- Full set of hair with volume.
- Facial symmetry and harmony.
Freshness is related to youth. Therefore, the fresher you look, the naturally younger you look, which is what men want.
Why?
It relates to reproduction, which is the goal Mother Nature instilled in us.
In the book Dataclysm, you can see a chart that compares what men of each age finds attractive versus what each age of women finds attractive:
The top box is a woman’s preference for a man’s attractiveness associated with age. As you can see, for the most part, it follows the diagonal line, which means women find men who are closely related to their age attractive.
The bottom graph shows a man’s attractiveness preference and her correlation to age. Youthful-looking women will always win in a man’s eyes.
High Assets, Low Liabilities: The Perfect Bundle
To keep this simple, men commit to women with high assets and low liabilities:
Assets: Traits and characteristics men love that get him closer to his goal of survival and reproduction.
These things include:
- Attractiveness
- Loyalty
- Personality
- Humor
- Nurturing
- Support
- Trust
- Libido
- Connection
- Communication
- Same goals and values
- And Many other things.
Liabilities are the opposite.
Liabilities: Traits and characteristics men try to avoid as Mother Nature deems these as a threat or risk to survival and production.
These things include:
- Unattractiveness
- Disloyalty
- No chemistry or connection
- High-Maitanance
- Dramatic
- Lack of trust
- Takes a lot of resources
- Low libido
- Unnurturing
- Different goals and values
- And much more
Here is the trick: All men and women have assets and liabilities. It’s the bundle of them that matters.
This is what I call the “cost” of the assets. Are the liabilities that come with the assets worth the cost?
If so, you have a guy who likes you, is willing to invest, and see where it goes. If not, you’re talking to a guy who is going to try to have his cake and eat it too:
- Try to get the assets without paying the cost (not committing).
- Men who play games to avoid the assets.
- Men see you short-term.
Men Commit To Women Who Are The Best Option
To take this a step further, humans want to commit to what they believe is the best option for them. There are several ways to do this:
- Build a deep and emotional connection that he can’t imagine having with someone else. You can learn how to do that here.
- Be so awesome that he needs you in his life. Read about that here.
- Understand what a “perfect” or “best” option looks like.
Those are in parentheses because it’s unrealistic, as no one is perfect.
However, I still decided to put it in this article because the concept is important and it let’s us know what we can improve on to be better partners to the ones we love and more valuable on the dating market.
Here is the equation:
This may turn you off or seem repulsive but trust me, you have to start looking at yourself as a brand and market it as such.
My biggest pet-peeve in dating is when people get turned off by this perspective just because we’re talking about humans and emotions. If we weren’t, it would literally be the same thing.
The more you study evolutionary psychology and people’s reactions, you will realize there is no difference.
Humans are designed to chase assets and avoid liabilities. Humans are designed to chase things that have value. “He needs to like me for me,” is not a thing. Men know better than you what they like. You’re irrelevant to what men desire. You either have it or you don’t.
What person wouldn’t want a product they feel they need and has this equation:
The better you are at marketing this as a man and woman, the better you will do in dating. I have done this for ten years and all the science points to it.
You may feel it’s different because emotions are involved and we are “pass that” in the modern day but that’s not true. Not one piece of literature proves that.
You’re still a slave to what Mother Nature wants. You might as well go with it instead of going against the grain.
Men Commit To You If You Make Life Easier
We gravitate towards people who make our lives easier. We want people who make us happy, laugh, and make the day-to-day struggle/grind a tad bit easier.
This is just logic: No one wants to commit to someone who makes their life worse.
Certain traits men are looking for with this are:
- Live a peaceful life. Humans hate drama. I am not saying you cause the drama (he could) but just try to avoid it as much as possible.
- Radiate positive energy. We love energy and it is indeed contagious.
- Add small comforts. Nothing is better than talking in the morning over a coffee, coming home and smelling freshly cooked brownies, or taking care of something he was stressing over.
- Support his purpose. Men have missions and if he has a strong purpose, it’s the center of his day/life. Support it instead of what many people do and make him choose.
- Believe in him — especially when he doubts himself. Men want that woman in his corner. The one who believes him when he’s down. The one who sticks by his side no matter what. Something like this woman after he loss his fight.
- You two should have space. The best couples are the ones who have a life together and a life apart. You value what you have more as a couple while feeling free to do what you love.
Progression Towards “Completion”
Because our natural instinct is to survive and reproduce, we have this obsession with progression and completion.
Personally, I get uneasy or even depressed when I don’t feel progress in life or have a goal I am working towards. I feel useless. I am willing to bet you feel off a little too at times.
If a man feels like he can progress with you, you will stick out from the competition.
That means:
- He feels like you two are after the same goal.
- He’d like you by his side along the ride.
- You make life more fun and enjoyable.
- You’re that missing puzzle piece men are looking for.
- He feels he can completely become his authentic self with you by his side
“Completion” is subjective but for many of us, it’s where we see ourselves in five, ten, or forty years. I explained this in a lot of my material but it’s the concept “Blueprint versus reality.”
To keep it simple, your “blueprint” is where you see yourself in X years and the path getting there. your “reality” is where you are and current gameplan. The further those two things are from each other, the more stress we naturally feel.
This means if we find someone who is a variable that gets us to where we want to be — whether that’s finding the right woman for an amazing relationship, someone who will be by my side as a fun travel partner, or the mother of my future children, a man is more likely to take this woman off the market.
This article here can help you become that type of woman. This guide can go into detail on exactly what men commit to.
