Fact: A majority of men know what they want with you before having sex. Men know what category you’re in by the end of the first (maybe second) date. Way before having sex.

Women sometimes find this hard to believe because it goes against their natural thinking: “We can get to know each other and build a connection. We can see where things go.”

Yeah, that’s not how it works for men.

Men are what we call the “offerers.” This means men choose who they offer to court, while women are the “choosers.” Because of this, men must be resourceful and need to know the following:

• Who they’re investing in (by our standards).
• What we want from that person (relationship, sex, validation, etc).
• How much are we willing to invest based on that person, what we want, etc.

**If you want to work with me as a coach, please click the link here.**

I know this doesn’t sound sexy, and for many of you, it may sound defeating, but I think it’s good news for a couple of reasons:

Sleeping With Him Doesn’t Change The Outcome

For one, sleeping with someone early or late, in terms of their attraction for you, doesn’t matter. While I don’t think you should sleep with a person early for multiple reasons (more in terms of courtship and power dynamics), it’s not the deciding factor on whether a guy ends up with you or not.

If a man wants a relationship and sees you as a potential girlfriend, it doesn’t matter to him if you sleep with him date one or date nine.

We Know The Importance Of First Impressions

I feel relieved knowing where I need to perform and be my best. A lot of women may feel that’s too much pressure. A first impression is essentially “one chance” to get it right. Don’t worry, it’s not that concrete.

You don’t have to have anywhere near as close to a perfect first impression as you think. You can make mistakes, fumble over words, not look 100% and so on.

It’s the overall vibe that a man likes:

• Did I have fun?
• Did I find her attractive?
• Would I see her again?
• How was the chemistry?

If it was good enough, he has no problem putting you into the “potentinal” GF category and exploring where it goes.

There is a spectrum. You don’t have to come out and hit the ground running. You have to do enough just to get into the category. The problem is when you don’t do enough.

Then what happens?

If you’re talking to a guy who went on a date and liked some things, and not others, you’re going to become an FWB. Maybe he finds you attractive, but doesn’t share any similar interests, for example.

It’s when you don’t click many boxes and he finds you attractive that he still may keep you around for assets. Obviously FWB for the physicality of the relationship.

This means a guy is thinking, “She was okay. I found her hot, though, so I will still talk to her. But I don’t see her long-term.”

Men will continue to talk to you for as long as you two are okay or you bring up the fact of a relationship.

The question I often get is:

Okay but while we’re FWB, can it become more? What if he likes me more down the road? Can we become a couple?

Technically, yes, you could and I have seen it. But it’s rare. The reasons it’s rare are the following:

• The things he didn’t like/that were missing still haven’t changed.
• If he’s talking to you and getting the benefits of a relationship without paying the cost of a relationship, why would he progress to more?

Women will push me on this and say, “Well, I won’t give him the benefits then. I won’t sleep with him.”

Okay, then why in the Hell would he stay? He already doesn’t see you as girlfriend potential and the thing he wants, you’re not giving him (not that he’s entitled to it. he’s not). It goes back to what I said earlier: he’s just wasting resources and investing in someone who is neither on the same page.

How Is This Different From Women?

Many women may read this and feel that this is their frame of thinking. You categorize men and only talk to men you see as compatible.

While this is true, I think there are several differences:

• Men are more savage when it comes to their placements. Once you’re in a category, it’s hard to leave. For many women, a guy can build a connection with her in her eyes and move up from there.
• While women put men in categories, it’s more subconscious. Men are more consciously active with it.
• Women don’t really keep men around and sleep with them when they don’t see a future with them. Men do.
• Men will put you in that category after one or two dates. Women want to get to know a guy before telling him, “Hey you’re a nice guy I just don’t feel the connection.” Men will literally not feel it on the first date and then continue to talk to you as an FWB without you even realizing it.

How The Categories Work

In my opinion, there are three categories:

• FWB: I like the assets she has but I don’t see her long-term. We aren’t compatible long-term.
• GF Material: I like the assets she has and I see her long-term.
• Friend Zone: She doesn’t have the assets I am looking for in a long-term partner but I like being around her and feel compatible to her.

A better way to put all this is:

Once you’re in a category, it’s tough to move out, but you can always move to a worse one. For example:

If you’re GF material but he isn’t feeling you like he thought, he’d still keep you around for a FWB. If you’re a FWB but you’re getting attached, he may pull away and brand you as friends to let you down easy.

I guess it’s easy to go from friend to FWB but FWB to GF is hard to achieve. It’s not worth it in my opinion.

I already mentioned how he has no reason to commit if he’s already getting the relationship benefits without paying the cost. But what’s also important to remember is how much YOU will invest to move higher up. He won’t invest inyou moving up to a GF when he’s already living the good life. That will be you initiating, reaching out, planning, and keeping things afloat.

Which by the way, reinforces to him that he has you. All the more reason to keep you as an FWB because he feels you’re not going anywhere.

Again, it’s not worth it.

If you like what I say here and want to work with me, whether you have a particular situation or are generally dating, please click the link here. I’d love to work with you.