Posts Tagged → come back

3 Things To Do First To Get A Guy To Miss You And Regret Everything

“The mind replays what the heart can no longer reach.”

Do you want to get revenge on a guy who hurt you? Or maybe you want a guy to miss you and regret leaving. 

I understand. I have been in situations where things were going well and then suddenly, they rip the rug out from under me and pull away. 

All I wanted was for them to miss me and regret losing me. I tried all the tactics available on the internet. 

In this article, I will give you the first three things you must do to set yourself up for success in making a guy miss you and regret leaving.

We will go over:

  • His mindset during all this.
  • The importance of no contact.
  • Acting as if you moved on and the psychology behind why all this works.

If you haven’t yet, please get my FREE guide on being high-value. There is no point in doing all this but he sees you as the same value when he left. The pattern will repeat itself. 

Change His Mindset For Him To Miss You

I will keep this brief because it can get very complex. 

When a guy leaves you, there is one reason why:

  • To avoid risk

I know that sounds weird, but when the organism’s goal is to survive and reproduce, a man leaves because he feels it would be a waste to continue investing resources in something he doesn’t see as long-term.

From an evolutionary psychology perspective, that’s a huge no-no.

In Layman’s terms, he’s pulling away because of one of the following:

  • He doesn’t see you long-term.
  • There is someone else.
  • He is unsure about you.
  • The attraction isn’t what it was.

The way our brain works and processes information is through logic and stories. 

This means he has enough “evidence” to create a narrative on why one of the reasons above is accurate and his reaction to it is to pull away.

He’s doing this because our brain is designed to seek reward and avoid risk/pain. 

He was given enough variables to create this narrative and believes what he’s doing is his best option.

To him, he sees all these variables and would rather break away and go on the journey of the “unknown” to try to get back on track with what he lost.

It takes a lot to change a man’s mind but it’s very possible. The first thing believe it or not is to actually let him go. That doesn’t mean I want you to take him back. If it was up to me, he’s out for good. But I know that’s easier said than done.

He must go through a four-step journey before realizing he’s an idiot who misses you and comes running back with regret. I explain that here:

Time is the number one factor that gives him “evidence” that he made a mistake and that you’re done with him. He must see:

  • You’re done with him.
  • You’re not playing games.
  • You moved on yourself.

If you don’t show this, how can he regret anything? How can he realize he made a mistake? 

He can’t reflect on missing or losing you because you’re literally waiting for him to return lol.

That’s what women don’t understand. It feels counterintuitive, but it’s the right move. You must let him go to get him back.

If you want a deeper, in-depth explanation on his mindset, I suggest you watch this video:

Men Can’t Miss You Unless You Go No-Contact

Going deeper into mindsets, when we talk about risk, it’s a double-edge sword:

While he wants to avoid risk, he always wants to feel he’s not making a mistake. You take away his risk of losing you based on what you do and how you react.

Some men just pull away because they see you as the plague. But for a huge majority of you, you probably do have a guy who likes you but not enough to commit. I talk about that concept here.

Just like you give him variables that tell him this isn’t going to work long-term, you still may be talking to a guy who likes you but is unsure. 

If that’s true, he wants to be able to decide to leave, look for better, but not lose you in the process. 

Some men simply pull away because why not? He realizes you’re not going anywhere due to the things you do:

  • You invest more than him.
  • You put up with his bullshit.
  • You care more.
  • You let him go before.
  • You two always fight.
  • You have more to lose than him.
  • You lowered your standards to keep him around.

If he’s unsure about you, it’s logical to look for better. Especially if he sees you as an insurance policy for when it doesn’t work out, he can return.

There must be a consequence to his actions. He is not allowed to feel he can come back after he leaves and trust me, a LOT of men do feel this way hence why they do it. 

If you want to get a guy to miss you and regret leaving, there has to be a cause and effect, a consequence for making the wrong move. 

If more men thought, “Once I am out, there is no way I am getting back in. She’s done with me. That’s it,” they’d think twice before leaving. 

So many women do No-Contact wrong. I have a VERY in-depth guide on the topic here. I also want you to watch this video on how to correctly do No-Contact so you don’t make the mistakes that keep him from coming back:

Act As If You Moved On So He Regrets It

 So the question is, how do we act as if we move on so he regrets his decision? 

If you want him to miss you, you have to do things that CONSISTENTLY show that we’re done and the door is closed.

Again, I know it may feel counterintuitive and you may be fearful that he won’t return but any other way is going to make him think he has you wrapped around his finger.

The only thing I am asking from you is consistency.

The male mind works in that there are two layers to “missing you” and playing this whole back-and-forth game. 

Let me explain.

If a guy pulls away because he’s comfortable doing so or feels he can come back in, you will have to do a lot more than you think to change that narrative.

You don’t just do some things here and there and make him “work for it” to get back in., He knows that already. That’s the first layer we have to break.

He knows you’re playing the game too, but also knows you like him more than he likes you. Otherwise, you wouldn’t be reading this article and putting up with playing the game in the first place.

He’s thinking, “I know she’s thinking XYZ and wanting to play this game. But at the end of the day, I know she will let me in if I come back and say/do the right things.”

And he’s right. You will. 

Your job is to throw in variables to make him think that’s not the case. That means you consistently have to show him:

  • You don’t care.
  • He’s not coming back in.
  • You’re not looking at his social media.
  • You’re not answering or even looking at his text. 
  • You’re outcome independent. You care less.

If you do this long and convincing enough, you have a guy who knows you’re playing games but still feels he has the upper hand to now thinking:

“Oh damn, I think she’s serious,” and starts freaking out.

Why is it essential for him to think this? Well:

  • He will take his time with other women and return if he doesn’t.
  • He will take advantage of you again if he can.
  • He doesn’t value you unless you make him.
  • He will start the reflect and regret process once he realizes he made a mistake. 

If you do these three things, you’re on the correct path to making a guy miss you and regret leaving in the first place.

5 Unbelievable Reasons Men Always Come Back Months Later That Will Tilt You

“Dating is transactional. Love is when he makes sacrifices. Early on, men will do whatever benefits them, even at your expense.”

If you’re a woman who has a man coming back over and over again and you’d rather he stay or leave forever, this article is for you.

I know many of you are thinking the following things:

  • “I feel better when he comes back.”
  • “Does that mean he likes me?”
  • “Is there still a chance because he’s sticking around? He doesn’t have to.”

I can understand why you’re thinking these things, but I will have to hit you with the reality for why he’s coming back.

Let’s jump into it with the five REAL reasons a man always returns.

The Assets You Offer

“Just because a man likes you, doesn’t mean he wants a relationship. He loves what you have to offer.”

For those of you who do not know, assets are the things men love in a woman that specifically draw their brains in by fulfilling their primary goal of survival and reproduction. These things include:

  • Attractiveness
  • Validation
  • Boost his status
  • Sex
  • Attention
  • Submissiveness
  • Nurture
  • Low maintenance
  • And so on.

If a man is unsure about you in terms of a relationship but loves the assets you offer, he will keep coming around to get a great deal on those assets.

What deal?

He’s going to try to have his cake and eat it too. He won’t commit to being your boyfriend, but he gets the boyfriend benefits. He will use the fact that you’re hopeful things will change/get better and take advantage of that fact.

Men are VERY hesitant with hopeful women. We can sense it miles away. Check out an article here to explain why men will never commit to hopeful women.

Instead, he’s going to try to bullshit you to weasel his way in, prey on your hope, get what he wants (assets) and then leave. It will look something like this:

I know this sounds like common sense but once you stop being hopeful, it cuts this entire loop off. He will have to find another way to hook you if you’re letting go of hope and done with his bullshit.

Trust me, men who come and go often are preying on the fact that you’re justifying giving him another chance. He feeds that justification that ultimately allows him back in.

Insurance Policy And Access

If a man is unsure about you but wants the assets, he will make you an insurance policy.

An insurance policy is the worst situation to be in. It’s where a man is trying to cover his tracks by avoiding risk. He feels comfortable leaving you and looking elsewhere because, in the worst-case scenario, he returns to you when it doesn’t work out elsewhere and you validate him until he’s ready to go out again.

If you had a man come and go before, you’re probably an insurance policy. Here is why I say that:

We’re risk-avoidant creatures. If he wanted you long-term in the first place, why risk losing you by going elsewhere? The reason he’s doing so is he’s unsure about you but still feels comfortable enough in doing so because you’re a low “flight risk” on leaving him for entertaining others.

Things that make him believe you’re a good insurance policy are:

  • You have assets, but he doesn’t see you long-term (if you ask, “How do I get him to see me long-term?” you prove my point, pathetic, LOL).
  • He’s done this before and you let him back in.
  • He cares less than you.
  • You’re only talking to him.
  • You’re investing more than him.
  • You’re an insecure and anxious attachment type.

These are things cruel men LOVE seeing in a woman he’s unsure of, because while he likes her and the assets she offers, he doesn’t see her long-term. But he knows she’s not going anywhere so returning isn’t a problem. 

Likes You But Is Emotionally Unavailable

I talk about emotional unavailability a lot in my content but there is a reason for that:

It’s confusing.

Women look at emotionally unavailable men as the plague: “I feel bad for the person but I don’t want anything to do with that. Don’t bring that shit near me.”

The thing is, it’s hard to read if a man is emotionally unavailable or not because most of the time, their unavailability lays dormant until it comes out due to context (the things you two do and say over time that create seriousness in the relationship that causes him to get in his head). 

If you want a good article on how to filter men, save yourself some time, and rid of emotionally unavailable men, you can find that here.

Emotionally unavailable men always return because they like you, but cannot commit. They still feel the same things normal men feel:

  • They truly like you.
  • They’re genuine.
  • The chemistry is real.
  • They enjoy your company.
  • They did mean the things they said.

The problem is they don’t think about the repercussions of everything they do and say, so when it starts to feel serious, they pull back, not realizing how well of a picture they painted as this “ideal” guy who unfortunately can’t deliver. 

Fear Of Regret

When a man pulls away, he starts the process of reflecting. It can lead to regret if he reflects long enough, and the correct variables are in place.

The problem is that so many women don’t create an atmosphere for regret. They are eager to take a man back, text him, chase, give him a million chances, and so on.

If you want a man to regret, he has to reflect. If you want him to reflect, there have to be consequences for his actions. If you want him to feel consequences, there has to be a cause and effect. He’s not allowed access to you if he decides you’re not the girl he’s looking for long-term.

Reget must have two things:

  • Self blame
  • Missed opportunity.

If you want more on how to get a guy to feel like an idiot and regret everything, I have an article here for you.

I will also put a good video on the four-step process that causes regret:

You’re Dropping Him Completely

This throws a wrench in his entire plan. Remember, he wanted you as an insurance policy because he believes that’s what’s best for HIM. He believes:

“I like her but not enough for a relationship. I still want the assets though, so I will prey on the fact that she’s hopeful, get what I want while not committing, and look elsewhere until then.”

Whey do you think acting cold works? Men are made to chase. Men are made to seek validation. Why do you think men court women and not the other way around?

When you cut him off completely, several things happen:

  • He doesn’t have a “backup” plan or insurance policy.
  • You start the regret process.
  • He loses you to competition.
  • You cut off the assets completely. 
  • He may be in worse situation than he’s in now for taking the risk of losing you.

That’s why men come running back when you’re gone. I’ve been doing this for over ten years. I can’t tell you how often I hear a woman say, “Oh, now that I am done and over him, he reaches out.”

Exactly! It’s not a coincidence.

He’s trying to get those assets and avoid the risk of losing you. Make it easy for both of you and just cut him off.