“You don’t get offers by hoping — you get offers by being the prize.”

If you aren’t his girlfriend in 8 weeks, the following has happened:

• He’s unsure about you but wants the benefits.
• He’s taking advantage of the fact that you like him so much.
• He’s not afraid of losing you.
• He likes you but doesn’t see you long-term.

That’s right. Men know early on if you’re girlfriend material or not. If you’re not officially together in two months, he’s taking advantage that you’re hoping to get the title as girlfriend.

In this article, I am going to tell you why men rarely commit to hopeful women and why you should cut men off at eight weeks.

Women Love Deeper And Are Outcome-Dependent

It’s not that women are “clingy” or “too emotional” — it’s that they’re biologically wired to be more selective and commitment-focused. And when you understand the evolutionary forces behind this, it all starts to make perfect sense.

Women bear the cost of reproduction. I know that sounds ridiculous now in modern times with contraception and an abundance of safety and resources. But our lizard brains still operate in a way that avoids harm/risk and seeks pleasure.

However, from an evolutionary perspective, this means one bad choice in a man could risk her life, her child’s life, and her survival chances. So women evolved to seek out men who wouldn’t just provide pleasure — but protection, provision, and presence. When a woman sleeps with a man that doesn’t commit, we’re essentially roleplaying what our ancestors went through back then when things were more uncertain.

According to Parental Investment Theory the sex that invests more in offspring becomes more selective in mate choice. In humans, that’s women — by a long shot.

• A man can impregnate multiple women in a week and never see the children. Sounds horrible but Mother Nature gives two shits about morals and values. Just reproduce.
• A woman can get pregnant once, and she’s locked into nearly a year of risk, followed by years of caregiving.

That’s why women evolved to seek commitment first and sex second, while men often evolved in the reverse order — sex first, commitment optional unless the woman proves she’s worth it.

For our ancestors, having sex with the wrong man could cause casualties:

• You’re more prone to predators.
• Other men ostracise you.
• You may need the village to help you.
• You need more nutrients and resources.
• Health concerns during birth.
• The chances of the child’s survival are based on your stress, health, and resources.

For men, casual sex was an evolutionary opportunity. For women, it was a potential death sentence.

Historically, if a woman got pregnant by the wrong man — one who disappeared or refused to help — she and her child could die. So women developed instincts for detecting red flags, testing a man’s reliability, and attaching to men who showed signs of staying power.

This is why hopeful waiting doesn’t work — because unless a man is given a reason to invest, his biology doesn’t push him to. But a woman’s biology? It pushes her to attach, to bond, to build something long-term.

A Confused Woman Is A Hopeful Woman

With all this being said, women weren’t dumb. They didn’t want to date men who had a reputation for leaving. Therefore, they were choosier. That was their strategy, at least. 

This is how courtship came to what it is today. Men were are the “offerers” because traditionally, we had the resources and had to invest in women to prove we weren’t going to leave. Women are the “choosers” picking the best mate that they believed will stick by their side and give her the highest chance of success.

Men knew this and came up with a counter-strategy:

Instead of committing, men were okay with investing. They would invest a lot. Just enough to make a woman believe he was who he said he was and to sleep with him. The goal men had was they knew as long as you slept with them and were hopeful of relationship, you’d stick around.

That’s because you were at risk (back then) for leaving while being pregnant. You were dependent on him.

Today, men do this but focus more on you being hopeful and bet on the fact that you may “regret” pulling away because you’re getting mixed signals. 

If a man were to tell you, “There is no way on God’s beautiful green Earth we will be together. I don’t want a relationship,” it hurts, but it’s easier to move on.

Instead, he tells you a lot of “buying time” phrases:

• Give me more time.
• Let’s see what happens.
• I like you a lot, I just ain’t ready yet.
• I like where this is going let’s talk about it again in a month

You get the idea. A woman isn’t going to leave in this situation because she’s hopeful things will change. That’s where a man will always win.

As long as you never get an answer (meaning you’re unsure, confused, or uncertain about what’s going on), you will stick around to see an outcome. Men know this.

Taking The Burden Of Risk

“If he gets girlfriend privileges without commitment, why would he upgrade the deal?”

With all that being said, who is more at risk? You or him? I constantly tell my clients that dating is a game of risk avoidance. It’s about getting what you want without getting taken advantage of. 

If you’re someone sticking around and it already feels like a relationship, let me ask you two questions:

• What would he get from committing to you that he can’t get elsewhere or that he’s not already getting from you?
• What is the urgency of committing if you’re not going anywhere?

After 8 weeks, the woman takes the risk of sticking around. By this time, he’s probably eliminated all risk, meaning:

• He’s probably not investing like he used to.
• You’re not talking to anyone else.
• You’re still putting him on a pedestal when you speak to others.
• You’re hooking up.
• He has you hopeful.
• He’s not worried about competition.

Essentially, you’re talking to a guy who can have his cake and eat it too because he’s realizing at this point there is no risk in deciding to keep you on the market, so why not take that “risk?”

You, on the other hand, are taking a huge risk because you’re taking yourself off the market and giving a man all these benefits, who’s not even your boyfriend.

This hurts you because:

• It drains you mentally and emotionally.
• Hurts the ego.
• Lowers your value.
• He takes you for granted.
• You’re getting played.
• You’re wasting time.

What are you going to do about this? 8 weeks is the limit. Don’t go past 10 (at most).

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