Posts Tagged → Ignore

5 Cold-Blooded Reasons Men Ignore You Despite Things Going Well

“He won’t tell you this, but emotional closeness can trigger a man’s deepest fears — especially if he’s not ready to face them.”

Nothing is worse than getting blindsided by a man pulling away when things were going well. Your mind is racing and you’re trying to find answers to a situation that doesn’t make sense.

Luckily, this is a common problem I see as a dating coach and in this article, I will try to lay out everything you need to know.

We will discuss:

  • Reasons why men ignore you that are going to shock you.
  • The weird and backwards psychology for ignoring you.
  • What you can do about it to keep your value, dignity, and make him regret it.

If you want to prevent this and learn how to come off high-value in dating, check out my free High-Value guide here.

The Backwards Reasoning Why He’s Ignoring You

You would think that if things were going well between two people who liked each other, you’d continue until you’re in a relationship right?

Well, what if I told you that was why he pulled away?

Many men like the idea of a relationship and the assets you offer, but when it becomes relatity, he realizes he can’t give you a relationship and that he’s not “ready.”

As weird as this is, it’s VERY common in my line of work. I have countless women come to me where the guy does the following:

  •  Courts her.
  • Says he wants a relationship.
  • Is consistent.
  • Future plans.
  • Invest in her.
  • Then pulls away and starts to fade in the distance.

You’re essentially talking to an emotionally unavailable man. Liking you and wanting a relationship are two completely different things. Although he said he wants a relationship, it’s different saying it early on. 

It’s like if I say, “ I want my dream car.” Then someone shows up and let’s me drive it and you can see by my expression and mannerisms I love this car. I have never drove anything like it. But when the person tries to sell me the car, I am having second thoughts. 

Your situation is no different. 

Think of it like this: if you’re talking to an emotionally unavailable man, the better it is, the more likely he will pull away. 

Why?

Because he painted a picture so amazing and a life so ideal that he feels obligated to commit and that itself is the pressure that pushes him away. Trust me, this is the ONLY reason a man truly pulls away when things are going well. 

I understand if you have some questions:

  • Why is he doing this after the fact?
  • Did he mean anything he did and said?
  • Does he feel bad?

We know that the reality of a relationship coming to fruition is what made him take a step back. But let’s dive deeper into it by going to the next reason.

The Emotionally Unavailable Man Has A “Halfway” Point

Men don’t pull away early on because there is no reason to. He likes you, is trying to get to know you, and may believe he wants a relationship.

However, to get those things he desires (you and the assets you offer), he must invest four things:

  • His time with you.
  • Effort (initiating, planning, getting to know you, etc).
  • His energy in the interactions (enthusiasm, having fun, smiling, and transferring that to you).
  • And his money to pay for dates and so on.

These four things create a concept I call context:

The things you two do and say over time that layer and create a more serious vibe in a relationship.

Context includes:

  • Sex or any intimacy.
  • Consistency.
  • Frequency.
  • Meeting friends and family.
  • The pace.
  • Future planning.
  • Exclusivity talk.
  • Leaving things over each other’s houses.
  • And many other things.

Early on, context isn’t built. It’s just two people who like each other and the assets you offer. However, as time goes on, the context builds up and if you’re both healthy and emotionally available that’s great. If someone isn’t, they get in their own head.

That explains the this and the previous point.

From my experience, this happens around the halfway point—around 4–5 dates.

The male logic isn’t that dates or contacting you is what bothers him. It’s what it represents. 

This means he knows that if we continue down the path we’re going, my actions tell you I am on the same page as you and everything is okay when in reality, it’s not.

This is where men feel pressure and start to pull away. The unfortunate thing is how men justify it and what they do net.

He Found Someone Else That Causes The “Respark”

Remember how context layers build up over time? If he’s emotionally unavailable, he will hesitate to continue with you. You may try to convince him to take it slow or communicate along the way but that never helps.

It doesn’t matter how you handle it. If he feels like whatever you’re doing is moving toward a relationship, he will pull away eventually. It’s just a matter of time.

So, how does he reset that context? Well, he starts to talk to someone else. 

I always tell my clients that if a man isn’t investing in you, he’s investing elsewhere. A man who pulls away doesn’t completely take himself off the market, no matter what he tells you.

When he talks to someone else, he relieves pressure several ways:

  • He escapes the situation with you where he felt the pressure.
  • He talks to someone else, where no context is built (yet).
  • He learns from his lesson with you and sets parameters so he doesn’t fall into the same situation.

When this happens, a man starts slowly ending what he had with you and starting it with someone else. Is she the lucky one? Maybe, but the odds are strongly against her.

The odds of a man changing after being emotionally unavailable is rare. It takes years for that shit to heal and fix itself. In the above video, I explain why that’s the case. 

He’s Realizing He Doesn’t See You Long-Term

Completely moving on from the emotionally unavailable man in his head, another reason he’s ignoring you is he doesn’t see you long-term.

While this hurts, it happens to all of us.

In fact, I have an amazing article here that goes over the 5 main signs that a guy doesn’t see you long-term and the tactics he uses. I feel it will help you out a lot. 

There is this four-step process men go through before committing to a girl:

Get a date: Men want to get a date to see if 1) he can get you because he likes you and 2) sees where it goes. So far, so good.

Get consistency: For it to go anywhere, it has to have some type of consistency. This is how we build attraction, rapport, and get comfortable with the next step.

Make it feel like a relationship: It would be great if you two were on the same page. But this is the end if someone is having second thoughts about getting to know you and not seeing you long-term.

Men get very picky here. What you’re essentially asking him is to go against his nature and to become monogamous. If you want to learn how to get him to do this, read this article here. 

Men put women through several test at this point to make sure she’s the one. The main test is what I call the “Future Test.” This is where he puts you in certain scenarios in his mind and explores how they play out. Some of these include:

  • How you handle family gatherings.
  • How you two raise your kids.
  • Values and morals.
  • How you handle stressful situations.
  • What it’s like waking up to you and the kids on a Sunday morning.
  • How you handle stressful times.
  • How you help him when he needs you the most.
  • How will the attraction play out decades from now?

If he doesn’t wear a smile on his face during this, you’re most likely out.

There are five things every man is looking for long-term:

  • Are you very attractive to him?
  • Are you the best option?
  • Do you make his life better by being in it?
  • Do you challenge him and make him want to be better?
  • Do you have more asses than liabilities? Are they worth the cost?

You’re in good hands if you have all five and he wants a relationship.

He’s Taking You For Granted

The last reason he’s ignoring you is he’s taking you for granted. 

I wouldn’t say he’s ignoring you if this is the case, he just is too comfortable and feels you’re not going anywhere.

If that is the case it’s because you’re way too available to him and he feels like he has you. There are two reasons for this:

The first one he has free access to you. Men are designed to chase. You must make a man playfully chase you. I teach how and why here.

There needs to be time in between the chase and the reward. As soon as you give him instant gratification, he has no reason to work for it anymore:

The second and more common reason is you have him variables that tell him it’s okay to take you for granted because you’re not going anywhere and like him more than he likes you. 

These things include:

  • Giving too many chances.
  • Doing more work than he is.
  • Not being courted (during the date stage) anymore.
  • Him coming back after leaving before.
  • Always fighting and sticking around.
  • Putting up with bare minimum.
  • Him pushing your limits and boundaries.

If you feel you’re being taken advantage of, I highly suggest you read this article on becoming more mysterious and this article on being cold to get him to regret it. 

We’re resourceful creatures. We want to save on resources (time, energy, effort, and money). We look for “variables” to adapt a new gameplan to do so. 

The more variables he has, the more likely it is to happen. You must keep a man on his feet. Always keep a man courting you. As soon as he’s not, it’s going downhill.