Posts Tagged → Mystery

5 Sneaky Ways You Can Instantly Become Mysterious That Makes A Man Chase You.

“Men are wired to pursue what they can’t fully understand.”

If you want to lure men in, make them invest twice as much, and chase you until the very end, being mysterious is one of the best ways.

It is in a man’s DNA to chase women he likes but is unsure where he stands in their eyes. Being mysterious isn’t a complex trait to master. If you adjust a couple of things we will discuss in this article, you can instantly become more mysterious to men. This will cause them to:

  • Chase
  • Invest
  • Ask complex questions
  • Be more consistent
  • put more effort in overall

If this sounds interesting to you, let’s dive in!

If you’re interested in a FREE guide on ways to dramatically increase your value in men’s eyes. Click the link here or the image below.

Understand Indicators Of Interest

When I was a freshman in college, I got my heart broken. It was bad. I couldn’t eat, sleep, think, and I had to push everything away from me (friends, job, dropped out of college, etc) just to function.

During this time, I started looking up articles on “how to get an ex back” which caused me to go down a rabbit hole. I came across a lot of PUA (Pick Up Artist) material and they talked about a concept called IOI (Indicator of Interest)

These signals a woman gives — consciously or subconsciously — suggest she’s attracted to or intrigued by a man.

In my case, I was giving off ALL the IOIs, and she wasn’t giving off any. The dynamic was clear: I was too eager, available, and invested while she laid back and looked at me as this predictable (and pathetic) puppy that didn’t arouse or interest her.

IOIs are extremely important. They tell someone how interested you are and with that knowledge someone can adapt a gameplan to better save on resources such as time, energy, effort, money, etc and most importantly, avoid risk of getting hurt, over investing, or choosing the wrong mate.

In your case, you want to limit IOI or at least, mix this with IOD (Indicators Of Disinterest) to prevent a man from doing the following:

  • Feeling he has too much power
  • Getting too comfortable
  • Feeling he has you
  • Feeling it’s okay to take risk in putting you on the back burner and talking to other women
  • Getting comfortable to disrespect you or push your boundaries

When you mix IOI and DOI, you throw a man off a little. If you don’t show IOI as readily as you use to, he doesn’t have a clear path on what to do next.

Here is a list of IOIs that people show. I will list out Verbal and Non-Verbal:

Verbal IOIs

  • You ask questions to keep things going.
  • You laugh at their jokes, even the dumb ones.
  • You tease them or give a cute nickname.
  • You throw in too many compliments. The more personal, the more interest
  • You bring up something they said earlier.
  • You ask how they feel about you.
  • You tell them you like them
  • You say you’re not talking to anyone else or have an exclusive talk

Nonverbal IOIs

  • You play with your hair.
  • You’re only hooking up with them.
  • You give them more chances than they deserve.
  • You put up with their BS and let them back in.
  • You copy their body language.
  • You lean in or touch lightly.
  • You hold eye contact.
  • You bump into them or don’t move away.

While showing these aren’t bad, it depends on the person receiving them. If you’re talking to a good guy who is emotionally available and on the same page as you, these aren’t a problem. He’s not going to take advantage of you.

However, if you’re talking to someone who is unsure about a relationship, or just wants your assets, he will probably take advantage of the fact and take you for granted.

Here is a list of DOI you can use to balance it out:

Verbal Indicators of Disinterest

  • You give short, one-word answers.
  • You don’t ask anything back.
  • You don’t laugh at their jokes.
  • You change the subject quickly.
  • You avoid giving compliments.
  • You don’t talk about feelings.
  • You don’t react to specific things meant to get a reaction out of you.

Nonverbal Indicators of Disinterest

  • You avoid eye contact.
  • You don’t initiate.
  • You make him chase.
  • You don’t put up with bullshit.
  • You both keep options open.
  • You’re not outcome dependent
  • You lean away or keep distance.
  • You don’t smile or react much.
  • You keep your arms crossed.
  • You pull back when touched.

In my experience, doing all this is too “gamey” and he will know you’re playing games. I feel what’s best is to remain mysterious instead of trying to throw a concoction of “signs” for him to interpret. I am just listing this because it’s a fundamental concept to understand if you have never heard of it, because you’re doing a huge majority of these things subconsciously.

If you want an amazing article on power dynamics in a relationship so you never get taken advantage of and know what he’s doing, check it out here.

Adapting A “Premise” Mindset

To dive deeper into the above point of IOIs, there is this concept that goes along with it very well called “Intent Versus Premise.” If you want a deeper dive on power dynamics and this concept specifically, I highly recommend you check out my nine-series of guides here.

I want to give you a scenario that will drive the concept home:

Let’s say you’re a manager having open interviews, and a guy walks in. You look at him and say, “You’re our guy. You’re exactly what we’re looking for. You will probably get the job because we desperately need to fill this role anyway,” and then start the interview.

In terms of power, how do you think the interview will go? What about negotiations? What will you say when he negotiates salary? You gave up too much power and revealed your cards early on.

On the other hand, let’s say you’re giving interviews for a job, and he’s one of many people who come in and want this competitive position you’re offering. He knows it’s open for grabs. However, he has to compete with other qualifying prospects.

Which scenario is better for you? The first or the second one? The second.

The first scenario is what we call intent: We’re entering a situation with a preference toward a particular person who will fill the slot you’re looking for and that you want him and no one else to do so. Your actions, words, and gameplay reflect that your intentions are clear and that you want him.

The second scenario, where the person has to fight for the position, is called premise: We’re entering a situation with a goal in mind, but not sure who will fulfill that goal.

In dating, this will look like the following:

  • “I want you no one but you to be my boyfriend and I am not talking to anyone else. I am exclusive to you and only sleeping with you” (You intend to make him your boyfriend).
  • “I am looking for a serious relationship and dating with the goal of finding the right guy” (this is a premise because the ultimate goal is to find a relationship and someone to fill that role).

Why is this important:

Because of what we discussed in the previous point: As soon as the person knows you intend to date them and you’re not talking to anyone else, you’re opening yourself up to getting taken advantage of.

This doesn’t mean you have to play hard to get, be a bitch, or anything like that. Just be cautious of what you’re doing.

Here is a spectrum of things you do that shows premise versus intent:

The goal of this article is to be mysterious and not to play games. I am just pointing all this out for you two to consciously see what you’re doing (and not doing) and how it comes off to him. You’re good as long as you’re not doing the things that make you seem like you’re intentionally trying to make him your boyfriend.

Here is an amazing article on why men will never commit to you if you’re hopeful. Please, do not do the things I mention here or it ruins your chances.

Following The 70/30 Rule

I am a believer that men should court women. If you’re not getting courted, you already lost. It’s in our DNA to court women. Mother Nature designed men to chase and court women.

That said, I feel women get the wrong idea on courtship. They think they’re the prize and don’t have to lift a finger. Since both sexes try to avoid risk, a man will immediately drop a woman once he senses that he has to invest everything in her before she returns the favor fully.

This is going to be a very harsh reality and it’s going to feel like a personal attack but it’s not. It’s just the reality:

You’re not that special. No man or woman is. You’re extremely replaceable (early on) and there will always be a better option out there statistically for you and for him.

Do not think a man is obligated to invest in you at any time. He chooses to then you choose to let him.

Despite all this, a man is the primary suitor and has to court women due to the Parental Investment Theory, which states:

How the sex that invests more in offspring (typically women) is choosier when selecting a mate. In dating, this means women are biologically wired to look for partners who offer safety, resources, and long-term value — because their reproductive cost (pregnancy, child-rearing) is higher. Men, who invest less biologically, are more likely to pursue quantity over quality unless a woman signals she’s worth long-term commitment.

For a fair balance so both parties are happy, I have adopted the 70/30 rule in a lot of my teachings.

Simply, a man does 70% of the planning, initiating, etc and a woman does 30% in the form of a reward. For example:

He should be initiating 70% of the text. This means you respond to every text. But you also initiate 30% of them to show you’re interested too.

If he plans the first 2–3 dates, there is nothing wrong with you reaching out and saying, “This weekend is hectic and I need a break. Do you want to catch up and have a quick coffee tomorrow?”

The reason this is crucial is humans want to feel wanted. A man’s brain starts flashing red lights when he’s investing in a woman, doing it consistently, doing everything correct, but she’s showing no feedback or interest.

I remember dating a woman who when I texted or asked her out, she always replied or agreed to the date. We’d even have amazing times on the date. But if I never reached out, I’d never hear from her. It killed the attraction.

This works great with being mysterious because:

  • You’re never doing more than him.
  • You’re being more reactionary than chasing (beause he’s doing it more and he’s doing it first.
  • You’re never doing too much and making it obvious you like him more than he does you. you’re playing within the parameters.

Being Playful To Avoid Direct Answers

As soon as you tell a man early on:

  • I like you a lot.
  • I am only talking to you.
  • I never do this. I’ve only done this with you.
  • I am afraid of getting hurt.

Or anything along those lines, you lose. Talk about killing attraction and mystery.

A better way to go about it is to be fun and flirty. Tease him and see how he handles it. If he asks what you think about him, don’t just say, “I like you and I like where this is going,” instead, say something along the lines of:

  • “I think you’re great but…(use a playful contrast to counter the compliment)”
  • “You’re fun but also trouble.”
  • “Let’s just say you’re climbing the ranks.”

If he persist, just give him a straight answer. It kills more attraction to constantly beat around the bush than it does just being upfront.

However, the reason I am telling you to be playful is not only does it build attraction and mystery, but it also avoids what I call concrete statements.

These are statements that only have one meaning. They’re not ambiguous or have double meaning. What you say is what you get. When you say things like:

  • I like you.
  • I am only talking to you.
  • I want a relationship with you.
  • I deleted the dating app.
  • I see you long-term and potential.

There are no other ways to decipher these than what is being said. When you’re playful and indirect, it tells him that you’re interested based on the context you two have created up to this point. For example, you’ve gone on several dates, laughed, had a good time, and built some rapport. By giving an indirect answer, you’re being playful, which universally symbolizes interest without saying, “Hey, I am definitely into you.”

I only ask you to be consciously aware of how much you’re doing it. Zoom out and look at the bigger picture:

  • Am I being too mysterious?
  • Am I playing too hard to get?
  • Is layering all these concepts together too much?
  • Do I always give a playful answer when he’s asking questions and never be direct?

Too much is unattractive. He is asking for an answer, after all. Just use your best judgment.

Controlling The Pace (To A Degree)

There is one crucial reason why you want to control the pace:

If you don’t, he will. It’s in our nature because it benefits us. Everyone I know who has watched that Adam Sandler movie “Click” wishes they had the remote to bypass certain times in their life. It’s no different in dating.

As you can probably tell up to this point of the article, men really want your validation. They want signs you’re interested to keep the ball moving. Why do you think men lovebomb you?

Sure, some of it’s due to insecurity, being emotionally unavailable, and other psychological factors. But it’s also to see where you stand and to fast-forward through all the investing to get the prize.

In a nutshell, humans want things now. Instant gratification has existed since the beginning of time and our brain is programmed to find patterns to get it soon/easy as possible.

The pattern in our situation is if a man can lovebomb you or increase the pace and sees that you’re going along with it, why not do it? Why not go faster? He’s going to bypass when he’s at a disadvantage (investing in you with uncertainty of getting the prize) and then slow it down once he gets the prize to marinate in the fact that he has access to the prize.

It looks something like this:

Men will always try to rush it past courtship and slow it down after sex but prior to a relationship. That’s where it will benefit him the most.

As long as we’re going at a normal pace, we’re good.