Posts Tagged → return

5 Things That Keep Men Coming Back On Repeat 

“Dating is transactional. Love is when he makes sacrifices. Early on, men will do whatever benefits them, even at your expense.”

If you’re a woman who has a man coming back over and over again and you’d rather he stay or leave forever, this article is for you.

I know many of you are thinking the following things:

  • “I feel better when he comes back.”
  • “Does that mean he likes me?”
  • “Is there still a chance because he’s sticking around? He doesn’t have to.”

I can understand why you’re thinking these things, but I will have to hit you with the reality for why he’s coming back.

Let’s jump into it with the five REAL reasons a man always returns.

The Assets You Offer

“Just because a man likes you, doesn’t mean he wants a relationship. He loves what you have to offer.”

For those of you who do not know, assets are the things men love in a woman that specifically draw their brains in by fulfilling their primary goal of survival and reproduction. These things include:

  • Attractiveness
  • Validation
  • Boost his status
  • Sex
  • Attention
  • Submissiveness
  • Nurture
  • Low maintenance
  • And so on.

If a man is unsure about you in terms of a relationship but loves the assets you offer, he will keep coming around to get a great deal on those assets.

What deal?

He’s going to try to have his cake and eat it too. He won’t commit to being your boyfriend, but he gets the boyfriend benefits. He will use the fact that you’re hopeful things will change/get better and take advantage of that fact.

Men are VERY hesitant with hopeful women. We can sense it miles away. Check out an article here to explain why men will never commit to hopeful women.

Instead, he’s going to try to bullshit you to weasel his way in, prey on your hope, get what he wants (assets) and then leave. It will look something like this:

I know this sounds like common sense but once you stop being hopeful, it cuts this entire loop off. He will have to find another way to hook you if you’re letting go of hope and done with his bullshit.

Trust me, men who come and go often are preying on the fact that you’re justifying giving him another chance. He feeds that justification that ultimately allows him back in.

Insurance Policy And Access

If a man is unsure about you but wants the assets, he will make you an insurance policy.

An insurance policy is the worst situation to be in. It’s where a man is trying to cover his tracks by avoiding risk. He feels comfortable leaving you and looking elsewhere because, in the worst-case scenario, he returns to you when it doesn’t work out elsewhere and you validate him until he’s ready to go out again.

If you had a man come and go before, you’re probably an insurance policy. Here is why I say that:

We’re risk-avoidant creatures. If he wanted you long-term in the first place, why risk losing you by going elsewhere? The reason he’s doing so is he’s unsure about you but still feels comfortable enough in doing so because you’re a low “flight risk” on leaving him for entertaining others.

Things that make him believe you’re a good insurance policy are:

  • You have assets, but he doesn’t see you long-term (if you ask, “How do I get him to see me long-term?” you prove my point, pathetic, LOL).
  • He’s done this before and you let him back in.
  • He cares less than you.
  • You’re only talking to him.
  • You’re investing more than him.
  • You’re an insecure and anxious attachment type.

These are things cruel men LOVE seeing in a woman he’s unsure of, because while he likes her and the assets she offers, he doesn’t see her long-term. But he knows she’s not going anywhere so returning isn’t a problem. 

Likes You But Is Emotionally Unavailable

I talk about emotional unavailability a lot in my content but there is a reason for that:

It’s confusing.

Women look at emotionally unavailable men as the plague: “I feel bad for the person but I don’t want anything to do with that. Don’t bring that shit near me.”

The thing is, it’s hard to read if a man is emotionally unavailable or not because most of the time, their unavailability lays dormant until it comes out due to context (the things you two do and say over time that create seriousness in the relationship that causes him to get in his head). 

If you want a good article on how to filter men, save yourself some time, and rid of emotionally unavailable men, you can find that here.

Emotionally unavailable men always return because they like you, but cannot commit. They still feel the same things normal men feel:

  • They truly like you.
  • They’re genuine.
  • The chemistry is real.
  • They enjoy your company.
  • They did mean the things they said.

The problem is they don’t think about the repercussions of everything they do and say, so when it starts to feel serious, they pull back, not realizing how well of a picture they painted as this “ideal” guy who unfortunately can’t deliver. 

Fear Of Regret

When a man pulls away, he starts the process of reflecting. It can lead to regret if he reflects long enough, and the correct variables are in place.

The problem is that so many women don’t create an atmosphere for regret. They are eager to take a man back, text him, chase, give him a million chances, and so on.

If you want a man to regret, he has to reflect. If you want him to reflect, there have to be consequences for his actions. If you want him to feel consequences, there has to be a cause and effect. He’s not allowed access to you if he decides you’re not the girl he’s looking for long-term.

Reget must have two things:

  • Self blame
  • Missed opportunity.

If you want more on how to get a guy to feel like an idiot and regret everything, I have an article here for you.

I will also put a good video on the four-step process that causes regret:

You’re Dropping Him Completely

This throws a wrench in his entire plan. Remember, he wanted you as an insurance policy because he believes that’s what’s best for HIM. He believes:

“I like her but not enough for a relationship. I still want the assets though, so I will prey on the fact that she’s hopeful, get what I want while not committing, and look elsewhere until then.”

Whey do you think acting cold works? Men are made to chase. Men are made to seek validation. Why do you think men court women and not the other way around?

When you cut him off completely, several things happen:

  • He doesn’t have a “backup” plan or insurance policy.
  • You start the regret process.
  • He loses you to competition.
  • You cut off the assets completely. 
  • He may be in worse situation than he’s in now for taking the risk of losing you.

That’s why men come running back when you’re gone. I’ve been doing this for over ten years. I can’t tell you how often I hear a woman say, “Oh, now that I am done and over him, he reaches out.”

Exactly! It’s not a coincidence.

He’s trying to get those assets and avoid the risk of losing you. Make it easy for both of you and just cut him off.