Ever wondered why some men seem emotionally available before sex, but emotionally unavailable right after?

We are going to explain why that’s the case.

Once you understand how the male brain works with sex, you’re going to be shocked on how men operate and why they do the dumb things they do.

Let’s jump into it.

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First, Does When You Have Sex Really Matter?

I don’t think that when you have sex is a strong determining factor on whether a man is going to commit or not. It’s not on a man’s “chopping block” for reasons he wouldn’t commit.

That doesn’t mean you should have sex early on. While it’s not a determining factor in terms of commitment, it still has power over other factors:

• Power dynamics
• Courtship
• Value
• Scaricty
• Taking you for granted
• Many other things

I always believed that if a man wants a relationship with you, is truly emotionally available, and ready for commitment, sex is just a stepping stone. It’s something that brings us closer to our mutual goal of a relationship. 

However, if a man already didn’t want a relationship with you, I could understand where you feel hooking up early might have ruined your chances because he started to “change” after being intimate.

That’s not the case. Don’t worry. Whether you held out or not, you would still get the same outcome (if he wasn’t on the same page).

I don’t ever want to tell women when to have sex because that’s ultimately up to you. However, I know a lot of women want a definite number of dates to at least gauge when. If I had to give you a number, I wouldn’t sleep with a guy before the 5th date.

The Dark Psychology Of Sex

This sounds stupid to write but the problem is having sex or when you’re having it, it’s who you’re having it with. Again, sounds stupid but let me explain.

The dark psychology of sex is solely based on the manipulation and perception a man has on the matter.

For example, the reason I am calling it “dark” is that you may actually have a decent dude who means well but is emotionally unavailable. Emotionally unavailable men don’t walk around with an inner dialogue screaming, “I am unavailable and broken I shouldn’t chase women.” They still can do the same things “normal” men do:

• They can be genuine and mean what they say
• They’re authentic in their words and actions
• They like you and feel something 
• The chemistry is real
• The connection is real
• And so on

The difference is what sex represents and the dreaded question, “What happens next?”

Remember how I said if you’re talking to a man who is emotionally available and on the same page as you that sex is just a stepping stone towards something more meaningful?

Well, what if your man is unsure what he wants and what he can give?

Sex adds a layer of context to the whole dynamic. Context is defined as the things you two do and say over time that creates a serious vibe in the relationship. If are on the same page, this is good. If not, this is going to get worse.

Many things create context. It’s unavoidable (you shouldn’t avoid it anyway):

• Sex
• Frequency of sex, dates, calls, text, etc
• Meeting friends and family
• Future planning
• Pace
• Leaving stuff over the house
• Staying the night
• Being exclusive
• How long you’ve been talking

When all this is present and sex is involved, a man knows two things:

•  He probably painted a picture (using all this context) that things are going well and that he is on the same page as you.
• That you’re probably really digging him and expecting this to move forward.

It’s those two things that awakened the dormant unavailability in him. He had no reason to worry prior. It’s just two people who like each other talking and hanging out. But now, you have substance. 

He feels this. To him, this is pressure.

When it comes to the dark psychology after sex, it’s almost like an (emotionally unavailable) man’s brain chemistry changes: he wants space, he wants to slow down, he doesn’t want to feel pressure, he acts like this all was meaningless. 

That doesn’t mean he never cared; he was just careless. He wasn’t responsible for his actions and what they represented. He didn’t realize all the context he was created due to liking you would make this picture of an ideal relationship. He has to answer to that. That’s what causes pressure. 

So what does all this have to do with anything? It’s more important to filter a guy than to worry about when to sleep with him. You can do everything right but if it’s the wrong guy, it doesn’t matter. 

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