If you’re looking for surefire tips for first dates, I will make your life so easy that you’ll love dating (I know, hard to believe).

First dates can be daunting, especially if you go on many of them. Having to get ready, put on a smile, search for a connection, and partake in some bad dates isn’t ideal.

You’re not alone. I wrote this article to make you a first-date master who can find the right guy and make him your boyfriend.

If you’re serious about a relationship and want a free gift that strongly complements this article, get my free nine-dating guide series here.

Focus On Attraction, Not Connection

The number one thing I learned as a dating coach who focuses on evolutionary psychology is that attraction is everything.

When I talk about attraction, I don’t just mean sexual. I mean a person’s “gravity” or ability to pull others in, make them curious, and want more.

When you’re on a first, second, or even third date, connections do not do that. In fact, it hurts you.

I cannot tell you how many women I know who lost men because they focused so much on trying to get to know each other and build a connection before building attraction.

I know that sounds weird but trust me. Attraction is a facilitator. It’s what causes men to invest and want to build a connection in the first place. Men will never build a connection just to build one. They have to like you first.

That’s because of how courtship works:

Men are the offers and women are the choosers. Men have to offer themselves to women and women can accept or decline that offer. That’s how courtship starts.

A man doesn’t think, “I want to build a connection with that woman, let me offer myself to her.” He finds you attractive and appealing. That’s what makes him invest.

On the other hand, women want to build a connection because they’re still filtering the man and want to see if he’d stick around.

Check out this article: How To Be So Interesting A Guy Needs You In His Life.

First Dates Should Be Systematic

First dates are interviews to see if we are interested in each other and vibe well.

Too many women want extravagant dates and believe simple dates aren’t worth their time.

Newsflash: It’s a first date. He doesn’t know you apart from Eve lol. You’re not special or different than any other girl at that point in time. Just go on the date and see if there is a spark.

With that being said, you should keep first dates simple:

• Day date/coffee or night/drinks
• 90 minutes
• Keep things light and laugh a lot
• Keep it within 15-minute drive
• No wait times or places difficult to park
• Have a handful of topics you’d like to discuss
• Have 3–5 questions to slip in there that are important to you

I have found after 10 years of being a coach that the easier these things are to do with an individual, the better the date and connection will be.

For me, I do this all the time, but with Mexican food:

• Everyone likes Mexican food.
• Mexicans are the most generous people regarding food portions and spiking your drinks lol.
• Cheap.
• Always close by.
• Always good parking.
• Rarely long waits.

Because of this, the vibe is chill, the tension is eased, and we have more time to focus on each other.

Have A Literal “List” Of Things

I feel you should be dating with these two things in mind:

• For meeting a specific person
• For being a specific person to someone

Hopefully that makes sense.

People cast their nets too wide and wonder why things don’t work out. People focus so much on looks and chemistry, which are extremely importan,t but the two problems with that are:

• You’re always going to have someone more attractive and interesting than you.
• Everyone, to some degree, is cute and interesting; otherwise, we wouldn’t agree to the date.

It’s a losing battle.

Instead, you have to have a list in your head of what you’re about and what you offer. At the same time, you should have the cliche but important list: Must haves/wants/dealbreakers.

That way, filtering people on a first date is straightforward. Don’t just date anyone. Date someone in your tribe (more on this in my How To Hook A Guy Guide).

Keep it simple. The only thing I ask is don’t put cliche things here. Don’t say for must have/want:

• Kind
• Caring
• Sweet
• Funny

Those are prerequisites. Everyone wants nice, funny, and kind people. Instead, it should be things like:

• Loves to work out and takes care of themselves.
• They are very passionate about something and have a mission.
• Has amazing style.
• They have hair.
• Doesn’t drink.
• Or whatever you want.

Master Filtering Over Everything Else

If you’re on a first date, you must learn the art of balancing having fun and gathering information.

Your ability to correctly filter a guy will save you 80% of the bullshit that comes along with dating down the road.

You need to figure out if this man is:

• Wanting a relationship
• How long he’s been single
• Was he cheated on
• What was his longest relationship

The best way to ask this is to ask one question and let it naturally flow into others. For example:

You can ask someone what they’re looking for before the first date (and you should). I don’t care what the apps say they want. Before a first date, you need to hear it from them via text/phone. No, it’s not intense or clingy. I don’t know why people think that.

On the date, you can make a nice statement about how this date is relaxing because the apps are a nightmare for women. Then, when he comments on it, you can laugh, go along with it, and ask him, “How’s your time on the apps?” and guide it to “Oh, how long have you been on there?”

If he gives you an answer but doesn’t indicate how long he’s been single, you can naturally say, “How long were you single before getting on the apps?”

Then when he tells you, you can start prying for information on that relationship.

Pace it and add statements and other things so it doesn’t feel like an interview.

Here is more information on filtering: How To Filter Men Who Don’t Want Relationships — A Five-Step Foolproof Way To Finding A Boyfriend.

Follow The 70/30 Rule

Lastly, if you’re unsure of how much you should invest, talk, and keep the conversation going, I believe in the 70/30 rule.

This essentially states that a man should be doing 70% of the talking, and you should be listening.

This is VERY hard to do because the number one thing everyone is taught on first dates is not to talk too much and to let the other person talk about themselves.

It’s not a hardset rule. It can be 50/50 or 60/40.

I am a huge believer that if you can let a guy try to win you over (making you laugh, let’s say), and you laugh, make comments/statements, and ask a question to send it back his way, you’re golden and getting a second date.

This works because of the dopamine-chase loop. It’s crucial to make a man chase, give in to him a little, then repeat the process.

As soon as you’re doing more of the talking, courtship is over.

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