When a client asks me, “Why does my boyfriend flirt with other women?” It’s always a complex situation that deserves a complex answer. 

There are many ways a man can do it. You can catch him on the phone, through text conversations, getting friendly with coworkers, or being overly generous with the attractive waitress.

You feel he doesn’t care and ask yourself, “Who is dumb enough to flirt with other women when you have a girlfriend?”

You’re not alone.

In this article, I am going to go over the following things:

• What men are thinking when they flirt with other women.
• Why men do it.
• Why he’s so comfortable doing it to you despite you catching him.

Before we start, if you’re interested in getting my FREE 9 guides on EVERYTHING men, psychology, and dating, please check out the link here.

Your boyfriend flirts with other women because he needs different validation, he’s unsure about you, doesn’t value loyalty, is trying to fill a void, and knows you won’t do anything about it.

He Craves “Wide Lens” Validation

If your boyfriend is flirting with other girls, it’s because he seeks a lot of validation. Even if you’re an amazing girlfriend who gives him validation, it hits different getting it from multiple people.

The way I always explained this was the following:

Think of men going out and scanning for validation. Their “scanner” starts of wide. It’s set at a mode that says to get validation from the opposite sex. From there, he sets it to something with a little more precision. Something like, “get validation from women who are attractive.”

It doesn’t stop there. It keeps getting more focused and precise: “Get validation from women who I find attractive and who are attracted to me.”

You get the idea.

It eventually goes laser-focused: “Get validation from women who I find attractive, are attracted to me, want a relationship, and are part of my tribe.”

It should look like this if a man likes you, sees you long-term, wants your validation, and so on. However, if he’s flirting with other women, his scanner isn’t that narrow or focused and there can be reasons for that.

Check out my articles:

• How to be so interesting he needs you in his life.
• 5 Reasons men don’t commit to you and how to instantly fix it.

This leads us to the next thing on why he’s flirting with other women.

He’s Unsure About The Future

There is no reason for your boyfriend to flirt with other women if he’s:

• Sees you long-term
• Sure about you
• Things are going well (in his mind)
• You’re the best option he can get
• He’s happy

If one of those things are off, he’s looking elsewhere. Here is what I know:

If a man truly values you and the relationship that much and he knows it bothers you that he’s flirting with other women, he is putting everything at risk when as a species, we are naturally risk-avoidant.

This means he doesn’t care about losing you, fear losing you (more on this), feel he can get better, or doesn’t value the relationship near as much.

Humans are programmed to look for the best option. Statistically, the odds that we find the “perfect person” are almost zero but I don’t mean your actual best probable partner. We are completely happy with someone we have grew very attached and fond of.

But if you’re talking to a guy who flirts with other women, I would start to question that bond you two have or at least, how he perceives it.

You may say, “Elliot, it’s not that serious. He’s not cheating-cheating. He’s just flirty. It’s his personality.”

And I have two things to say to that:

• If he’s not cheating, what’s the issue?
• If it’s his personality, again, what’s the issue?

What I am getting at is stop downplaying it and justifying that you have a boyfriend who flirts with other women. If it bothers you that’s enough. You need to voice your concern.

In fact, that’s part of the problem.

You Won’t Do Anything About It

While you may voice your concerns, you don’t do anything about it. That’s no different than a mother threatening to get off the couch and spank her kid if he keeps acting up but never gets off the couch.

He knows he can push your buttons without any consequences.

This ties everything together we talked about so far:

If he’s unsure about you and risk-averse, he will want to entertain other options without the cost of losing you. But if you show him you’re not going anywhere, what’s the risk of him entertaining others? It’s win/win for him.

While it is wrong what he’s doing, it doesn’t matter because he’s doing it anyway. He’s justifying it as being innocent or nothing is going to happen.

The woman who falls for this and voices her concern but shows no action will run into these problems.

I live by a powerful quote: “Without structure, there is chaos.” This is one of the strongest quotes ever because it can be applied to almost anything, but almost everything in the universe has structure.

if you’re talking to a guy who is unsure about you, feels it’s okay to flirt with other women, and you don’t check him, you’re just as much of the problem. He may be doing the wrong thing, but you’re enabling it.

It is time to cut that dude off:

• The first 3 things you need to do to get him to miss you and regret things.
• How to get him to regret everything but correctly acting cold.

He Doesn’t Value Loyalty And Trust

Some people are damaged. They can be good partners in some areas but horrible in others.

If you’re boyfriend likes to flirt with other women, he probably doesn’t value loyalty and trust. Instead, he justifies it.

He tells you:

1. “I’m just being friendly.”

Translation: He’s downplaying it to avoid accountability. Men hate confrontation and accountability. Don’t let him diguise flirting as kindness. There are plenty of ways to be kind and not flirt.

2. “It doesn’t mean anything.”

Translation: He wants to enjoy the ego boost without taking responsibility for how it affects you. If it doesn’t mean anything, why does he feel good doing it and why can’t he just give it up then?

3. “You’re overreacting.”

Translation: Classic gaslighting. Instead of addressing the behavior, he’s flipping the script. He’s out.

4. “I would never cheat on you.”

Translation: He’s giving you validation to continue his charades instead of just stopping.

5. “That’s just how I talk to people.”

Translation: He flirts habitually and doesn’t want to change. He’s not taking responsibility. He’s telling you to accept him for who he is.

6. “You know I love you.”

Translation: He’s trying to emotionally manipulate you into letting it slide.
Love is not a free pass to disrespect your boundaries.

7. “I didn’t even notice I was flirting.”

Translation: He may actually be unaware — but that’s why you’re telling him. If he continues, he knows what he’s doing.

8. “She started it.”

Translation: He’s deflecting responsibility.

9. “You’re the only one I want to be with.”

Translation: He wants reassurance without adjusting his behavior. He’s just feeding you validation again.

10. “I can’t help it if people like me.”

Translation: He’s enjoying the attention and pretending to be the passive, yet he still entertains it.

If a man constantly gives you these excuses, he will not change.

To Fill A Void

Some men flirt with multiple women because they’re trying to fill an emotional void. They couldn’t care less about having a relationship with the woman.

 Flirting gives them a quick ego boost when they feel insecure, lost, or not good enough.

There is some truth to the theory of large numbers:

The more women flirt with him, the more validation he gets. If he gets enough, it suppresses his insecurities because he has enough evidence that he’s desired.

This is also why men keep flirting when they know they shouldn’t. The value they get from it feels too good that it’s not worth giving up.

He may justify this with the fact that he knows he’s not going to cheat or leave you. He sees it as a way to fill a void you don’t understand.

That doesn’t mean he should do it but that’s why he does it.

You may ask, “Why can’t he get that from me?”

Several reasons:

• You may not be giving it.
• It’s nice to get it elsewhere. Getting from the same person constantly loses its spark.
• As much as he may like you, you’re only one person, and while that’s enough, to an emotionally unavailable guy, it’s not.
• Sometimes men feel that you’re being nice or supposed to say that. But when we get it from a “third-party,” it hits differently.

Either way, if you’re talking to a guy flirting with women, call it out and do something about it. If he can’t fix his problems, I’d find a new guy because it’s not going to change.

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