If you’re caught off guard and wondering, “Why doesn’t my boyfriend want to sleep with me,” you’re not alone. In this article, I will explain why men no longer want to sleep with their partners.

It’s alarming when you feel your partner pull away. The only worse thing is when your relationship lacks intimacy, which makes you feel undesirable.

You wonder what went wrong. Was it something you did? Can it be fixed? Does he love you anymore?

All these things can weigh down a relationship and keep it from progressing. When a man doesn’t want to sleep with you, alarms go off in your head.

Here is the thing:

The main reason men don’t want to sleep with their girlfriend anymore is often due to a drop in desire caused by several things, whether that’s not wanting a relationship, leading you on, someone else is in the picture, or overall stress.

If you’re interested in getting my free high-value guide where he sees you as a high-value woman to commit to, check it out here.

Let’s review the five main reasons to help you figure out the problem.

He Doesn’t Want To Lead You On

When a guy gets in his head and starts overthinking, he begins to pull back. The main reason he’s pulling back is that he’s unsure of you.

When men are unsure, they stop progressing and become idle in the relationship.

This means he stops:

• Sleeping with you
• Opening up
• Courting you
• Initiating
• Future planning
• Making effort
• and so on.

The reason men do this is to avoid leading you on, which I know sounds weird, but let me explain:

Everything we do is a variable that creates context. Meaning if I am courting you, opening up, having sex, and having fun with you, you should assume things are okay. Men know this assumption and when they’re unsure about you, that’s what they’re trying to avoid.

Men don’t want you assuming things anymore because that pressures them to continue things when unsure.

If he’s unsure how to pull away and end it, how much harder do you think it will be if he went along with everything and then blindsided you with, “Hey I am not sure about this relationship?”

It’s harder for him to address the situation if you’re confused. No man wants to hear:

“You were having sex with me yesterday and telling me you love me, and now you’re confused?”

The main reason why your boyfriend doesn’t want to sleep with you is he doesn’t want to lead you on and put more pressure on himself if he breaks up with you.

Check out this article: Can A Man’s Feelings Really Change Overnight?

His Libido Is Dropping Or Sex Is Bland

Let me give you some interesting stats:

• In the 1980s, average total testosterone levels for men were often between 600–700 ng/dL.
• Many studies show average levels closer to 400–500 ng/dL, sometimes even lower.
• Today, 300–350 ng/dL levels are common for men in their 20s and 30s. Half of what it was back in the day.

This overall drop in libido has a huge effect on men pursuing women. However, I don’t think this is the main issue.

I feel sexual media overstimulate men whether that’s porn, social media vids, Only Fans, stuff they see on tv and so on.

When a man is consistently stimulated over time, he becomes desensitized to that thing and builds up a tolerance. This causes him to look for more graphic things to stimulate him again. Rinse and repeat.

Back in the 80s and 90s the biggest thing were Playboys and Tapes of porn you had to go by. That is nothing compared to what you see today and what is easily accessible.

If your boyfriend doesn’t want to sleep with you, it could be because he doesn’t get the same effect that he used to, whether that’s because it’s “normal” to him or doesn’t stimulate him anymore.

He’s looking for more, which leads us to the next thing.

Check out: If You’re Always Available, You’ll Become Forgettable To Him.

Signs of low-libido being the problem are:

• He lacks energy, drive, and motivation.
• He has bad sleep, diet, and is sedentary.
• Out of shape.
• He’s getting older (starts to drop in our 30s).

He Doesn’t Want To Sleep With You, But Someone Else

If you’re wondering why your boyfriend doesn’t want to sleep with you, it could be a combination of the two previous points:

He could feel he’s leading you because he’s into someone else who stimulates him more.

I know that’s hard to hear, but that’s very common. If you and a guy have an amazing relationship where sex is the only issue and he’s not pulling away or anything, you’re probably okay.

However, if you feel he’s acting differently, pulling away, and disengaging, I will bet someone else is in the picture.

Something women don’t understand is for a HUGE majority of the time, men are always talking to a woman. That means if he’s not talking or pursuing you, he’s trying to talk to someone else. It’s in our nature.

Mother Nature didn’t design men to be monogamous. It doesn’t mean they can’t choose to be, but monogamy isn’t part of their default sexual strategy. Men can definitely be in a loyal relationship but if he’s pulling away from you.

You may like this article: How To Be So Interesting He Needs You In His Life.

You know this is the case when:

• He changes out of nowhere.
• The relationship overall may feel rocky.
• He starts to gaslight you when you address the situation.
• He’s pulling away in general.
• He may be going out more or on his phone often.
• He doesn’t initiate anything.

He Doesn’t Want To Sleep With You Because He’s Unhappy With Himself

The best organ in bed is indeed the brain. When we start overthinking, making assumptions, and being hard on ourselves, it’s hard to perform.

When we feel bad about ourselves, we get performance anxiety which kills erections. We start to think:

• We can’t satisfy her.
• She had better.
• We’re not big enough.
• I am not as experienced.
• I am embarrassed.
• I can’t get the previous disaster I had out of my head.

When a man is unhappy with himself and how he’s performing in bed, it’s logical for him to avoid what makes him more anxious and feeds the bad narrative he has in his head.

You know this is the case when:

• He gives off vibes of being unhappy (mopey, unmotivated, lacks desire, no goals, self-blame, etc).
• Other things are okay in the relationship, but when it comes to sex, he’s unenthusiastic about it.
• He’s seeking validation from you and feels better when he gets validation.
• Victimizes himself.

He Is Stressing Over Things In Life

Here is a fun fact: Men can’t get erections when they’re anxious or scared.

Sex is a luxury and is never put over survival. While a man’s life may not be in danger just for being anxious or scared, it still triggers the Fight-or-Flight response in us.

Stress kills a man’s mood. He may even be unable to get an erection.

Some like to use sex as a stress reliever. For others, if the stress is large enough, sleeping with you doesn’t even register to us.

There is a concept I call “Mental Stacks” where everyone has so many mental stacks, in this case, we have 100. Depending on how comfortable, familiar, and urgent task are, they take more or less mental stacks.

For example, if you’re trying to have a crucial call on the phone while driving to a place you have never been, your mental stacks will be extremely high. You’re going to focus a majority of them on those two tasks.

However, if you’re talking casually to a friend and going to a place you’ve been to a hundred times, those mental stacks will be low.

It’s no different with stress. For stress to be high, several things have to be true:

• He have to care about the situation.
• We have to care about the outcome.
• We feel the outcome/situation affects us.

If this is all true, it will consume a large amount of his mental bandwidth, leaving little left to build attraction or even consider sleeping with you.

You know this is the case when:

• He tells you he’s stress.
• You look at his life and see where the stress comes from.

I’d love to help you with your situation and work with you. You can click here and schedule a session with me.